How do you make small talk?

Question

I have been a shy introvert for years. I also have been quite happy with just a few close and trusted friends (most of whom have the same problems with small talk as I do).

Unfortunately, my new job as a small campus church music director calls for the ability to a)socialize in large groups, which pretty much requires b) the ability to small talk.

I have realized that it is not the large groups that I am afraid of (although I much prefer small group/one-on-one interactions with plenty of time to recuperate alone). It is small talk.

When I was growing up, my family would talk about things. We would hash through ideas and theories about whatever happened to be on our minds. We never really "small talked." And for most people, it is small talk that bridges the gap between complete strangers, friends, or even decently warm business relationships. And for most people, anyone who falters at the stage of small talk is deemed "not worthy of further time."

Answer 1

Yeah, not a small talker either. The asking questions thing helps some. I'm really a good listener, but sometimes I have trouble thinking of questions on the spot. I've also found that if I save up stories that I think are stupid and have no meaning- what the cat did today, what I bought that week, what I'm observing at the moment, what was on TV last night (that seems to be a big deal to people), whatever I think isn't worth talking about, people seem to love. It makes them feel like your sharing with them without scaring them with the deep stuff. Mostly if you just put a smile on your face and act interested it helps. And I've found it's help me lighten up a little, too, even though I still prefer the deep talks with my family and close friends.

Answer 2

I think the best way to get started would be to ask questions about the other person. You'll find that most people like to talk about themselves. What that does is help you understand someone new and also allows you an opportunity to share similar experiences. It's a great way to "break the ice" so to speak. Think of it this way, that new acquittance right across from you might be having the same apprehensions as you.

Answer 3

The best way to make small talk is ask the other person questions. Engage them and let them do the talking a conversation will most likely start. You can also practice by talking to random people in lines at stores or school while waiting. You only get better if you practice.

Answer 4

i have the same problem, i tend to be Conservative around strangers, but if someone in fact did open up a "conversation" i like to talk and share views but small talk..no
i have always wondered if someone else shared the same problem, i am glad u asked that question.. however, u can control the small talk and turn into a nice warm conversation about whatever, just do not shy.. good luck with ur job

Answer 5

Try reflective listening. You don't have to be a good talker, just a good listener. People will think you are a great conversationalist if they are the ones doing the talking.

Answer 6

Learn to be boring and talk about trivia.
Great minds discuss ideas, average minds talk about things, and small minds talk about other people.
It sounds as if you have a great mind.
Good luck!

Answer 7

ask them questions about themselves. that's the #1 topic among mostly everybody. people just love talking about themselves. there's no getting around it...