Should I tell my best friend that her husband admitted confidentially to me that he has been unfaithful?

Question

I wish he had not let me know. Now I feel that I am in a no-win situation. If I tell on him, I lose him as a friend. If I don't tell my girlfriend ( I was her maid of honour ), I feel like I have betrayed her and can no longer look at her in the eye. The good news is that he says it s over with the other woman.

Answer 1

This is a very touchy situation and should be handled delicately. Easily, both ends of this scenario can be seen. If you tell her, you'll probably lose him as a friend and she'll either be in denial and/or be mad at you. If you don't tell her, and she finds out anyway (which she will eventually) then finds out that you knew--you'll lose her as a friend. There are endless possabilities as to how it will play out--tell or don't tell--for either. If you truly think that he'll never do anything like cheating again, and they're happy, then that's great. But if he is the type that could cheat again, maybe her knowing now would save her more heart ache and pain down the road...

You mentioned that he said it was over with the girl, right? Now, did you beleive him when he told you this? You know him, was he being honest about it? Do you see this guy 'checking out' and flirting with women often? Do you think that he would cheat on her again, period? Ask yourself these questions, and it should help in your decision. But, since none of 'us online people' truly know your friends, it would be extremely hard for us to answer the question for you. You are the one who knows them both personally, and it's up to you to sit down and evaluate the situation, taking the people themselves into account. We all have our opinions, and anyone answering this will give you theirs. (that's why we're here I guess--answer truthfully to the best of our abilities and all that)

Best of luck to you, and remember that whatever decision you make will be the right one!!

Answer 2

I think this guy wants to get busted. If he did not want to get busted, he would not have told you, knowing full well that you are his wife's bff. You know your bff better than anyone here, so only you can make the right decision, but if I was in your situation I would feel an obligation to tell my best friend. However, before I did so, I would confront the husband and tell him about your situation and feelings. Tell him that if he does not fess up, you are going to do it for him. Some people may advise that getting involved in this is none of your business. But hey, it became your business the moment this guy fessed up. If this guy wanted privacy regarding his relationships, he should have not told you and put you in this very uncomfortable position. Some "friend."

Answer 3

I was in this situation once. I kept it a secret for months and then when my girlfriend started telling me how guilty she felt just talking to another guy, she knew I was keeping something from her. She pried it out of me eventually. She was very upset I didn't tell her sooner. She broke up with her boyfriend who was also a very close friend to me. I'm still friends with her but he never spoke to me again. It's years later now and I still hurt over it. I just wish i could explain to him my side of the story but I don't know where he is now.
The point is, it's always better to stay out of other peoples business if you can, but you need to do what you feel is right. One thing I feel good about is my girlfriend is in a much better relationship now and she's happy when she wasn't before.
Hope this helps at least a little.

Answer 4

I would not say anything. Is losing friendship worth telling her?
How do you really know that she does not know already. Some people are discreet about their relations regardless how close of a friend you may be.
I am sure you are going to get different vibes over this, but I would think real hard before opening your mouth about it. If my wife was doing something, I would not want my best friend tell me about it.
I am sure you was looking for a honest answer, and this is my honest answer. I do wish you the best of luck.

Answer 5

What a creep he was to put you in the position he did. THAT's not friend-behavior.

Think about how you'd feel if the situation involved you instead. If your husband was cheating, would you want your friend to jeapordize her relationship with your husband to break a confidence...or would you rather her stay true to her word, even if the subject were something that could have a huge impact on your marriage?

Go with your heart...personally, I'd want to know...but I don't know that I'd want a friend to break her word to tell me..but then she's my friend too and it's my life and marriage at stake...it's a true dilemma...

It may or may not be over...another one may or may not start...the point is he betrayed your friend and took advantage of your friendship with him...

Is he really worth keeping as a friend? You decide...

Answer 6

Yes, Yes, Yes. It can be done. Just figure out a way indirectly. That way your not taking sides ( you don't need to be put in the middle). It wouldn't be fair and also you are not a friend if you don't. Then again he could be a jealous person and trying to break your friendship up by confiding in you knowing you may go say something. Do it, but in a way that it won't be known it was you. You can do this. After all would you want YOUR friend to tell you. Put yourself in her shoes and think of the resentment that could follow. Be careful.

Answer 7

I think you should tell her. Would you want her to tell you?As far as keeping them as friends she WILL find out about the affair and the fact that you knew about it then you will lose her as a friend. As far as it being over would you believe your husband if you he had an affair then said it was over? If this guy lied having the affair and continues to lie by not telling his wife then it is possible he lied about ending it. Even if he did end it, as long as she doesn't find out about he then he got away with it. If a two year old steals a cookie and gets away with it they will go back for another one until they get caught. Save this woman the heartache of putting even more time and energy into this marriage that is already on shakey ground even if she doesn't realize it is shakey.

Answer 8

IF you feel like you're already in the middle just by knowing. Don't dig yourself deeper into a hole by telling her. She might get into DENIAL and end up backlashing at you.

Instead if he has the confidance to confide in you because you and the husband are friends, then maybe you could push and pressure the husband for him to be man enough to admit he made a mistake to his wife and he tell her and confess to her instead of making YOU look like the bad guy instead when in reality you're just trying to be a good friend.

Answer 9

I would start by talking with him. Explain how upset you are that he put you in that position by telling you. Give him the option of telling her himself or you telling her. Would you be able to face her down the road when she finds out you knew all along and didn't tell her? Think about who's friendship you would rather lose. Your best friend's or her cheating husband's?

Answer 10

TELL HER. She is your friend and you know what if she finds out from someone else and finds out that you knew youre going to look like the b*tch. Be the better person whether you lose him as a friend or not you know that you have helped another friend in the process. And put yourself in her shoes...wouldnt you want to know?

And her husband should have known better then to tell you that