I found out a few weeks ago that my husband has been cheating on me for 10 mths. He never used protection with her and was sleeping with me also. He lied and told her that he was divorcing me and is now telling me he did it just to get her to sleep with him. We have been married almost eleven years and have a nine year old. The best part is that he put an ad out online to meet singles and this is how he found her. He wants to work it out but I can't trust him and ended up kicking him out today. I feel so bad for my daughter but I hate him. Could others just tell me what they think for real no nasty comments.
2006-11-20 13:02:39 · 30 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I really am struggling because I am very religous and I think in time I will have to forgive him for what he did so that I know my father will forgive me, but I will never forget it. I had to go to the dr to be tested for STD's that was a terrible feeling. What if there were others and he is not telling the truth. Magically when I told him to get out today he started being rude and nasty.
2006-11-20 13:11:14 · update #1
i would make him stand on a busy highway with a sign saying I CHEATED ON MY WIFE AND I'M A LOOSER.
2006-11-20 13:39:00 · answer #1 · answered by Meow4Moe 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
That guy is not only nasty and bad but is also foolish and selfish.
No place for such a guy in your life.
How could he cheat on you and at the same time did not use precautions with the other lady ?
You are not expected to carry this bad bag of load on your shoulders.
You are perfectly right in kicking the guy out, now just go ahead and kick him out of your life. Take care of laws properly so that you do not end up paying alimony to this idiot. Remember laws ask for evidences. Just take precautions that the guy does not get even a penny from you, ok ? He just does not deserve it.
Take care,
Wish you all the best,
Smartie
2006-11-20 20:18:55 · answer #2 · answered by James 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you did the right thing,he chose to do this, to u and his daughter. he put your life in danger, and u will never be able to forget this, in time forgiveness comes, cheating is a deal breaker, and once someone has betrayed u, the marriage will never be the same. easier to get out of it now, than wait and take him back and have him do it again to you. he placed that add because he is dishonest and deceitful, and wanted to go outside the marriage to find something he needed to ask u for. he should have talked to u first if he was unhappy or needing something. eleven years is a long time, i know i was married for 10 when it happened to me. nothing can ever bring the marriage back that u thought u had with him, and even if he did come back it still hurts to know they picked her over you. best to just let her have him. just move on, and start over with someone new after you have had a chance to heal your heart a bit. takes time to heal, sometimes we never do completely. but i would rather be divorced than live with a cheater who deceived and plotted on me for months.
2006-11-20 13:42:51 · answer #3 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OMG! You did the right thing. This is not the type of relationship that you want to incourage at home with you daughter. If you take him back she'll grow older and say, "Well my dad cheated on my mom for almost a year and she's still with him." As much as it hurts.... if you can't trust him leave him. Trust is a big issue in a relationship, if you don't have trust there is no relationship. Think about it...
2006-11-20 13:07:30 · answer #4 · answered by Destinee 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am really sorry for what you are going through. I know you are trying to be strong for your daughter and I can see your strong religious background is playing a role as well. I would recommend trying marriage counseling, as well as making it clear to your husband that he needs to prove himself all over again. The reason I recommend marriage counseling is because it only works if the clients involve actually want and are motivated to change and become better. If through the process you realize that your husband is unremorseful or unwilling to change, or if you even find that you yourself have too much feelings of hurt, anger, and betrayal to move on then you will at least know that you have tried. Good luck and God Bless!
2006-11-20 13:22:43 · answer #5 · answered by cudancegirl1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
leave him .. esp if you have a daughter,, true it is sad when kids have to grow up with only one parent. But you don't want to teach her to let people walk all over her. If you take him back and she already knows he cheated I would definitely explain to her why you are taking him back and that cheating is not ok. There are many single moms out there that feel your pain! You are doing the right thing! I wish you strength to continue ~
And for whoever left all the Bible verses.. why didn't you add the verse saying that you can divorce your spouse if they commit adultery? YES she should forgive him but that doesn't mean she has to live with him
2006-11-20 13:08:54 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Something similar happened to my son and his wife and they are working it out. It takes two to make a marriage, and two to keep it going. My son went looking for what was missing in his relationship, and even if you don't think you played a part in your husbands roaming, you may have. If you love him and want to save the marriage you have to work together. I recommend counseling, but people don't always have the money for that. The bottom line is if you forgive him, you have to fight the urge to throw it in his face or beat him up with it. When you accept an apology, you have to be prepared to let go of the anger. If you can't do that, the relationship is doomed to fail. Everyone makes mistakes, and I don't agree with the "one a cheater, always a cheater" ideology. Best of luck to you.
2006-11-20 13:11:34 · answer #7 · answered by mizging2003 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good on you Holly. It hurts like hell but you need to teach him a lesson and show him what the consequences are of treating his family this way. You can try and work it out without him living in the family home, this way he may come to his senses and appreciate what he might be throwing away. If you don't kick him out for a decent period of time I bet he would do it again... also go and get some STD tests done for your own peace of mind.. good luck.
2006-11-20 13:10:36 · answer #8 · answered by genieejj 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you should consider leaving him.If you do not have an STD now.You might get one next time.I know you don't want your daughter to have to go though this.My daughter was 17 when I divorced her father but,I figured she had seen enough fighting and sadness.So if you and your husband can work it out great.Just be sure to keep that nine year old in mind.Good Luck.
2006-11-20 13:25:39 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You did the right thing by kicking him out. You can never trust him again. He lied and could have exposed you to STDs. He did not care enough about you and your family to honor his vows. He lied to you once and he will surely lie to you again. He even lied to the other woman. He doesn't deserve any tenderness or love from you.
2006-11-20 13:06:04 · answer #10 · answered by physandchemteach 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you know it is really hard not to be nasty. your daughter will have to get over it cuz he cheated on her too if you think about it. did he rememeber that you two girls should be extremely important women in his life? Apparently he didn't. I'm so sorry for you guys. As to kicking him out:GOOD. If he wants to try to make it right well if you make him work his fat cheating butt till it falls off and then when your done tell him you'll think about it.
2006-11-20 13:08:12 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋