I met someone online and we're both very much in love with one another. She is 10 years younger than I am, but we look great together. I am no longer in love with my wife, long before I met April (not her real name). How can I tell my wife that I no longer have any feeling for her ? I have been neglected because of her gambling problem. Lots of time, I slept alone (at least 3 or 4 days a week). I have found new love. Should I just pack and move on ?
2006-11-20 12:47:18 · 39 answers · asked by dn.dan_6575 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Some of the answers here make me feel really guilty. I am living here in Southern California, and there are many casinos around. My wife is indeed addicted to gambling. She will gamble every penny that she could find, and that is the truth. Yes, I've talked to her. Her sister, her father...have all talked to her. I took out my entire mortgage just to pay off her debt. One hundred and fourty thousand dollars ($140,000.00). And God only knows how much more than that.
April aside, am I justified of leaving my wife? Did I try to help her ? A solid YES !!!
2006-11-20 13:13:41 · update #1
You have answered your own questions above.
1. you no longer love your wife.
2. you have been neglected.
3. your marital relations leave you sleeping alone.
4. you have started another relationship -although platonic for now, with someone else.
5. all you need is some guts to tell her the truth and be done with it, why drag it out-not helping you or her.
Her gambling is HER PROBLEM, not yours, remember that.
good luck.
2006-11-20 12:52:41 · answer #1 · answered by debi_0712 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, I gotta agree that you would have been justified in divorcing your wife if she is gambling away the marital assets. But, that isn't what you are doing. You met an on line honey, and plan to leave your wife for a younger woman, and are using gambling as a way of rationalizing your womanizing. So, tell yourself it's your wife's fault, and run off with the younger woman. I suggest you learn to drink a lot. That way, you might someday begin to believe that you are great guy, rather than a common cheater.
2006-11-20 14:02:46 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow what a mess you have caused..yes it is wrong for a married man to be in love with someone else..Tell me how you think it couldn't be wrong? First off you should have told your wife how you felt before having an affair..Sound like you putting blame on her having a gambling problem, just an excuse to justify you cheating..Gambling is a serious problem, I am sure is can ruin alot of things, But what your wife really need is help for her problem..You telling her your going to leave her, Will tear your family apart..Is it worth it?
Tell her the truth about whats going on, don't lie to her or sugar coat it,just be honest, she deserves to know.Who knows leave her, then maybe the other woman will want nothing to do with you and you be sleepin 7 nights a week alone..Good luck with your decison
2006-11-20 13:06:42 · answer #3 · answered by Shem 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If the gambling is so bad it is affecting your marriage then maybe it is time to move on, I would leave out the part about another woman and end the marriage in a respectful way. I would also say to be honest and up front with April that while you do have feelings for her you feel that one relationship should end before another is started. April should respect this because it will show her that if things go south between you two in the future she will know that you will extend her that same respect.
2006-11-20 12:54:21 · answer #4 · answered by mountaincutie1178 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
What I don't understand is why didn't you address this issue with your wife before you started seeing someone else? I really don't get people of your mentality. Always looking for solutions outside of the marriage. While I could understand you wanting to leave if you have tried everything you can to work on the marriage.... your question doesn't indicate you tried at all.
2006-11-20 12:54:04 · answer #5 · answered by jdhs 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You took a vow for better or worse. You should be trying to get your wife the help she needs. I understand you are neglected, so is the entire human race at different times, that's life. Go help out your wife. I'm sorry that you are probably not going to care what I think about this. I'm sorry that you have already justified leaving your wife because of her problems.
2006-11-20 12:50:52 · answer #6 · answered by Tact is highly overrated 5 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Marriage is a lifetime contract to forsake everyone else in the world. When you get married you agree to accept everything about your partner and to stick with each other through thick and thin, to support one another through each other's burdens and trials. If you can leave your current wife for someone else, you will leave the new girl for someone else when she also goes outside the box you've locked her into. It's disgusting that gays can't marry, while straight people take their marriages for granted, tossing them aside when things go bad. MAKE IT WORK. That is your duty and obligation.
2006-11-20 12:54:37 · answer #7 · answered by hmghosthost 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It seems like you're doing some gambling too. You're taking a gamble on thinking that this online fling is real. I say work on your marriage and don't jump on the first hottest, prettiest thang that comes along b/c you look good with her. You've stay that long for a reason...good luck
2006-11-20 12:53:23 · answer #8 · answered by ms_kiki00 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it is rarely just one marriage partner that is the blame. u should have left your wife before starting a new relationship. maybe it would have been right to talk to your wife first before u lost feeling's for her. yes by all means run away from problems, go be with the new woman, and don't think twice about hurting your wife.
2006-11-20 12:54:34 · answer #9 · answered by jude 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am really hoping that you have actually met April face to face. Otherwise, you are NOT in love. its called lust.
And maybe your wife has a gambling problem because YOU have been neglecting HER!!
MOve on?? DUH!! Why are you still living with someone you 'have no feelings for'?
If you're not going to help your "partner" with her addiction to gambling, why should anyone help you with your compulsion for this trophy wife???
2006-11-20 12:56:20 · answer #10 · answered by herbmom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋