It started with just internet porn in 96 and chatting to women online, followed by cybersex with 3 to 4 women every time he was able to get on since 98. I have three kids and no idea this was going on. I found him in 96 doing this and told him I couldn't marry him - he said it was just left over from college, no big deal - he didn't know it bothered me. All this time he has been lying to me, going to church (Catholic) and pretending to have this great family. I think I want to leave but I'm worried about the effect on my children. You should also know that I've had a life threatening illness for three years and the stress is not good for me - although according to a therapist, stress from divorce isn't so hot either.
He is seeing a therapist and swears he'll never do it again but he has estimated that he has had cybersex with about 4000 since 96. I never once cheated (in any way) or lied to my husband. I just didn't think that's what you did in a good marriage. Any thoughts...
2006-11-20 12:44:10 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Just for the record, we are only 40 - when he started doing this, we were 30 and didn't have kids for three years.
He keeps telling me it wasn't really him because he was sick and he was too far into it but I still think he made a choice.
BTW, ATTN: all wives - the first time DID NOT happen in a sex room - it happened at a Eucher (sp?) table instead. Apparently these online card games have IM's and men and women are using them to have sex. He said he told the woman no the first time but then decided to try it once and well..the rest as they say was history.
Monitor your computer and your husbands. I was WAY too trusting.
2006-11-20 12:52:00 · update #1
Oh please stay for the kid's sake. It's not just about you or him anymore; it's now about the kids.
Why not try to find a way to steer him away from such things the best you can? I'm sure you've been trying to figure out how to do that. I don't know how to go about that myself. But they say it's very hard to get one who's addicted to cyber porn to get off it. The people who try, go through therapists, support groups, go to their spouses, and even throw out the computer. The latter is the only choice for many of them, since they cannot fight the urge to go on the computer and do what they have done.
2006-11-20 12:47:15 · answer #1 · answered by Tet 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
OK here is the way I would suggest you handle this problem. But first ask yourself this! Do you still Love Him? Can you still trust him? Is he a good father? And finally. Are you willing to try to work this out? No one can say its over for you or not. No one is walking in your shoes.But staying in a marriage for the kids sake reality doesn't work. Psssssst kids pick up on problems between their parents.
Not only will kids bounce back, but they have this uncanny ability to do it fairly quickly. I agree cyber sex is a problem I don't understand it myself. But at the same time I must say I am also not a religious person. But you must answer those questions before you make any final decisions. Plus if your living with a fatal illness. You have to think of the financial implications as well. What do the doctors have to say? You have a full plate and I don't envy you in anyway. But on the same token I won't tell you to leave your husband. After all you married for better or worse, in sickness and health. They are your vows. No one said life was going to be fun.
2006-11-20 13:02:42 · answer #2 · answered by groundpilot43061 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to have a come to Jesus meeting for sure. If you dont, this will slowly destroy you and your marriage. Being in your 20s and not playing hide the sausage is almost unheard of. I had about a year where my wife did not physically interact with me more than every couple weeks due to pregnancy, and me being a physical guy, it really affected me mentally, and after a while physically. I lost alot of weight which had never happened to me before, got really sick from being under so much stress for a year straight (there was also a huge lack in communication since I waited so long to talk to her about us not communicating or even touching) and it was a very bad time in my life. Please dont take this lightly, but as a man, if he is not having sex, then he will be breaking down emotionally, if he is not, then maybe he is getting sex. Please dont take this lightly, but men can become addicted to porn fairly easily. That could be what is satisfying his sex drive. No offense, but if he is working 12 hour days in a family business, they are more than likely willing to be flexible with his schedule (if he is not the one in charge) and they are more than likely going to cover for him and not tell you if he skips out a bit early. Also, if your reason for you thinking he would not cheat on you is because he is only with you, or with his family/work rather than because he is your soul mate and you completely trust him no matter what, you might want to look into him after all. Hope this helps.
2016-05-22 02:56:03 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off, he cheated on you ... you should go to the doctor and get checked out and have him do the same. Sex addicts will stop at nothing ... and that means paying for prostitutes.
Second, he needs to get into a 12-step program for addictions. It's not something that can be cured overnight.
I have a friend who is a recovering sex addict, and he struggles every day. He's been clean for years too.
2006-11-20 12:52:29 · answer #4 · answered by Lady J 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think he can go to counseling and get help. At least he didn't go and meet these women. My husband put an ad out on-line and met a women that he continued to sleep with for over 10 mths. I have a daughter and she is devastated so if you can work it out and go to counseling I would say you should try. This is hell to go through divorce but I have heard of people getting away from this kind of addiction. Good luck.
2006-11-20 12:47:31 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am here to tell you hon, that sex addiction is the hardest to overcome. Think about it. A drug addict can remove themselves from drugs and an alcoholic can remove themselves from alcohol, but think about what a sex addict does. Masterbates right? Well his penis will always be there! Get my drift? I was married to a sex addict too hun and we got counseling 4 different times, but the monster had a way of always rearing its ugly head.
You can email me if you want to find out more. My heart goes out to you and your kids. You are in my prayers
2006-11-20 13:24:53 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
For the kids sake you better make sure that he isnt a pedafile. How the hell do you have cybersex anyway? If he has had cybersex 4000 where have you been?
2006-11-20 12:55:06 · answer #7 · answered by newyorktilson 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It seems that you love him for who he is, including the sex addiction thing. If its too much of a problem then walk away, he doesnt deserve you.
I think though that if you sat down and talked about things, you'll find that merely by changing lifestyles, taking romantic holidays together etc, you may be able to spice up the marriage and get him off that damn computer!
2006-11-20 12:48:54 · answer #8 · answered by DannyG 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
leave this guy he obviously loves cybering and porn more than you and your feelings! if he hasn't stopped then he will never stop! dont be like the million women out there who stick around and are never happy in there relationship get out of it and find someone who respects you and your feelings!
2006-11-20 12:57:27 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Isn't cyber-sex just talking dirty over the computer?? I don't see what the big deal is, it's not like he's picking up hookers or anything.
2006-11-20 16:00:31 · answer #10 · answered by WestCoastin4Life 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋