My wife does not feel any "passion" when she looks at me?

Question

My marraige is in stasis right now because my wife feels she has lost the passion and excitement she felt for me the first few years we were married. She says she still feels it in the bedroom, just not when she glances at me throughout the day. Right now I am living at a freinds house, because my wife and I are seperated. She started seeing someone and had an affair while we were seperated. She said she felt what she had been missing with this man, but the affair is over, we have talked about getting counselling and getting back togetherbut she is uncertain she cannot those same feelings for me. But i want to know what is wrong with her? I am a fairly handsome, well groomed and muscular man, I always make sure my wife is well taken care of in the bedroom. I love her with all of my heart and I just want to know what I should do

Answer 1

Those tingly jitters just don't last forever. The love becomes deeper, and sometimes you can't feel it the way you first did. This is normal. She needs to realize that this happens with everyone. The newness fades - sure, a new guy will give her those feelings all over again...but in a few years she'd be in the same place with him. At some point you just have to grow up and make a commitment and stick to it. You sound like a really good guy. You deserve someone as loyal and committed to working things out as you are. My advise: Go find that person. She has lost her chance.

Answer 2

sounds to me like your problem is that she thinks she knows you too well. you make it sound like she's crazy not to drool all over you, and frankly, if that's your attitude, i can see why she is not turned on. what you need to see is that she has been looking at the same you for years now, and there just isn't any excitement in it now, because there are no more surprises. you could be the best looking man in the world, the best lover, and the most fit guy ever, and you'd still eventually, become just the common husband, without that glitter or excitement on a daily basis. no matter how much you like it, chocolate cake becomes real boring real fast when it's all you have to eat for every meal. every good mother can tell you that.

if you want to save this marriage, don't sit there asking what's wrong with her. do something about it. change your hair, get color contacts, get a whole new wardrobe. if you want to be more subtle, try this.... read the Kama Sutra or look into tantric sex or something else that's totally different from what you've been doing. don't tell her about it, just get her into that bedroom and experiment. what she needs is to realize that you can still surprise her, that she doesn't know you as well as she thought she did. i'd bet that puts the spark back in the relationship....

Answer 3

You sound like you really love your wife. I would suggest for you that the sexiest turn on for a woman is a man doing general everyday chores around the house like ironing and vacuuming. If you move back in every few nights just surprise her after dinner with a cup of tea and then do the dishes, take out the trash and give the floor a quick sweep, all without being asked. I can tell you now that I and most women I know are driven wild by these simple acts of kindness and wow oh wow what a difference it makes when I look at him!! I am not suggesting turning into a house maid just let her know you are willing to ease her burden of things. By the way there is nothing wrong with her...Best of luck

Answer 4

The most common answer to why spouses cheat is that something is wrong in the marriage and the affair is a bi-product of those problems, even when most other aspects of the relationship are working well. “The problem” is often one that the faithful spouse who would never think of cheating does not see or has elected to ignore for one reason or another. Other times, the marriage has changed and evolved in a way that leaves the cheating husband or cheating wife feeling left out or somehow empty. Those changes may include a shift in attitudes toward one another and the problems ensue. When a spouse feels that his or her needs are not being met, some turn to their work, others to drugs or alcohol and many to the arms of another man or woman.In order to fix your marriage you need to determine what was problem that she separated with you and was involved with other man. You do not want her to return to you only because she failed relation with the other man.
Counseling will definitively help to find and fix problem if you bath are willing to work.

Answer 5

First up, get the marriage counseling. Sometimes a 3rd party can see and pick out things that both of you cannot because you are too close to the situation. If she doesn't feel the same then maybe there's nothing you can do. I know this is not what you want to hear, but you have to try to consider moving on. The one thing that you are doing that's probably wrong is that you are showing too much concern. She cheated on you, she went outside of the marriage therefore she should definitely be making a lot of effort to make things work with you if you are who she wants to be with. Keep in mind..I said you ARE SHOWING TOO MUCH CONCERN...it's natural and understanding for you to feel like you are falling apart going through what you are going through, but try to show it less. If you feel that you've tried everything to make your marriage work then try nothing. Appear as if you are content and okay with moving on, and when she feels that she is about to lose your love forever that might jar her into realizing how much she really loves you. Either way getting own with your life... or appearing to get on with your life is something you haven't tried and in the end it may be the solution to your problem either way it goes.

Answer 6

Have you ever seen someone after a long period of not seeing them and they haven't changed? Not physically, not their station in life; they still drive the same car, wear the same clothes... blah, blah, blah. No progress. You realise why it's been a long time since you've been in touch - because they're boring. Bring out other facets of your personality. Get out of your routine, and stop being a doormat. Women hate that! If you keep jumping through hoops trying to please her, she will never be pleased. Start by doing something simple like wearing a new cologne; updating your haircut; buy a different style shirt, etc. But if you change anything about yourself, do it because you think its a good idea and its a change that you can live with. If she still has no interest, don't beat yourself up about it. Someone somewhere thinks you're pretty hot. :-)

Answer 7

I don't think it is her, I think it's you. Be the kind of person you'd like to find in her.

I am sorry that you have to feel this hurt. I would feel the same.

My only suggestions would be to ask yourself if you can be patient with her or if you two ought to think about making a final seperation. Sometimes we are attached to the people we "love" and need to learn to let go in order to invite a greater love in our lives, letting go also has it's pluses.

Don't be so hard on yourself.

If I all of a sudden stopped having that "passion" for my husband I would need to talk to him...I have actually experienced that loss of passion and couldn't be happy around him. Now things are different because we communicated and finally and truly respect eachother. I couldn't be more happier!

Good luck to you!

Answer 8

Most women are attracted on an emotional level- it really doesn't have much to do with physical (maybe in the beginning but it fades). Are you an open communicator?? Do you express your love to her verbally? i can't speak for her but I can say that i have been in a similar situation and the "passion" faded quickly with the attractive man b/c he didnt challenge me emotionally... I wish you the best and I hope that whatever happens you remember that you deserve happiness too and this is not all about her and her wants :)

Answer 9

If she is willing to go to counseling then you should try. She needs to grow the f*** up. Life gets in the way man and sometimes those feelings are a little dulled out, but you work to keep the passion alive. What has she done for you to try to regain that passion. She is selfish but if you can try to go to counseling.

Answer 10

It's not always the way a man looks that turns a woman on. Maybe you should try fresh things. Be passionate with her outside of the bedroom.