I love my boyfriend of 2 years and i know that he loves me but he doesnt do things for me like take me out or buy me gifts. he didnt even get me anything for my birthday, christmas, or valentines day. he says he wants to spend the rest of his life with me and i know its true but he acts like he has no ambition to commit to me, i have tried telling him that it hurts me that he doesnt show his love but he just says that thats just how hes always been, but arent i supposed to be different?
2006-11-20 12:34:54 · 8 answers · asked by $onya 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I have sat down many, many times and told him how i feel but he still just says that if i cant except him for how he is then i shouldnt be with him. we do love one another but we live an hour apart and only get to see eachother 2 to 3 days a week and i think that if he wanted to be with me so badly, then he would be, after going on 2 years. He has a job but its working for his uncle and he hardly makes anything, he wont get a better job, he wont save his money, that's why i question his ambition to want to commit to me, like he says he wants to marry me and be with me forever but he even skipped out on the day that he was supposed to propose. I want him to grow up so much but he just doesnt want to except the responcability of being an adult. I love him unconditionally but if he loved me the way he says he does then he should do everything in his power to be with me even if it means living in a 1 bedroom apartment and going without wants, right?
2006-11-20 13:14:09 · update #1
Has he always acted like this? If so, then it shouldn't be a surprise that he's not real affectionate. If he showered you with love and affection in the beginning, I would ask him what has changed.
2006-11-20 12:39:15 · answer #1 · answered by Royalhinney 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, I can totally relate you..I have been w/my boyfriend for a little over a year now and we are in a serious relationship, I live w/him..but he doesn't surprise me or get me any gifts or roses or anything. It always makes me cringe when my friends tell me what surprise gifts their boyfriends get them for no occasions or for their birthdays, xmas, etc...My bf, however, does get me birthday presents (though this year it was very simple--two candles, a towel, and a bath body wash set) and for Christmas he got me something nice..let's see what he'll do this year..for valentine's he got me something small. I know how you feel, still, though. I have to beg my bf to get me something for those occasions, and I don't think it should be that way..and I don't think it should be that way for you either. I also think that even if it's not a holiday, your bf (and mine) should get us something..like a rose, teddy bear, anything to surprise us and brighten up our day..that's what guys who love their girlfriends would do, right? Well, to answer your question aside from all that tidbit personal info, I think you should really sit down w/your bf and tell him that him not ever getting you anything really hurts you and makes you feel like you're not that important to him..and challenge him that since he insists that he loves you, he should buy you things, AT LEAST for your birthday, valentines, xmas..that's the bare minimum..even if it's "not him"..he should do those things for you b/c you're his long-term girlfriend. And if you have the confidence and courage to, tell him that if he can't change this one little thing about himself for you, and sacrifice his money, time to buy you a gift, even something small or simple, once in awhile, then maybe he shouldn't even be with you in the 1st place..that should give him a little wake-up call, and if it doesn't, then I think what you need to do is re-evaluate the relationship and ask yourself if you really want to spend your years w/someone who doesn't want to spend anything on you. I know that material things can't buy love, like the cliche says, but the truth is, and a good friend of mine told me this, that if a guy really loves a girl, then he will spend money on her. Hope that helps a little. :)
2006-11-20 20:48:43 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being in love is more than saying "I love you".........words are cheap it is action that counts. It is more important to "show" love, which he is not doing. If he is putting no effort in now to show u love, u have to think what will he be like in 10 years. You don't want to look back and think how much time u have wasted feeling alone and unloved. You can't change people......especially guys, so don't even try. As long as u are there for him and show him love, he doesn't have to try, he is taking u for granted. I would give him space, he has to know what it would be like not to have u around and then maybe he will realize what he would be missing.
2006-11-21 09:26:46 · answer #3 · answered by Amber 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like you two speak different love languages. There are five love languages: Physical Touch, Quality Time, Gifts, Acts of Service and Words of Affirmation. From what you have said here, it sounds like he is a Words of Affirmation or Quality time guy (i.e., he enjoys being with you and talking to you). It looks like you are a Gifts or Acts of Service person. If he does not communicate in your language, you don't feel loved (even if he expresses verbally in his language how he loves you). Let him know exactly what it takes for you to feel loved. If he truly does love you, then he will follow through and make an effort to speak your language.
2006-11-20 20:40:25 · answer #4 · answered by Divinitus 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sonya,
There's an old saying among men, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" I'm sure you can figure out what that means...
2006-11-20 20:45:00 · answer #5 · answered by musemessmer 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
so you know he loves you because he told you so? I figure you are either psychic or you just believe him because he said so....otherwise, you wouldn't think he loves you because he doesn't show it in any way, shape, or form.....He's basically saying, this is how I am..take it or leave it.....you obviously are not happy.....and it will only get worse...find someone who will love you, respect you, cherish you and show you all those things with their deeds not just words...good luck
2006-11-20 20:41:49 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
try to tell him what you want for birhday or christmas ,maybe he 1-didnt have big expirense befor you .....2-he think what if you wount like it ), or he tryin to save money for somthing important for bouth of you further in your life he may get any think you want,he not a milioner is he. That how im losing my whife and i dont see my life further with out her ..............................................try to talk with him.Good luck
2006-11-20 20:54:10 · answer #7 · answered by Ivan O 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Appearently Not!!
2006-11-20 20:37:29 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋