Will you critique my poem?

Question

I would bear your life for you
If ever you planted the seed.
I would give my life for you
If ever you had the need.

I would plunge the dagger down
Into my waiting chest.
I would cradle your weeping head
Upon my lifeless breast.

I would take your pain away
And give you only bliss.
I would give you golden dreams
Better than such as this.

I would give you Heaven above,
Where unicorns run free.
I would give you all these things
If only you'd love me.

Answer 1

A LITTLE ON THE DARK SIDE, BUT VERY FULL OF EMOTION
I LIKED IT.

Answer 2

It sounds conditional. True love only asks to give, not to be reciprocated.
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I would bear new life for you
If you would plant the seed.
I would suffer death or
Or any sacrifice you need.

I would shatter my own heart
Like daggers in my chest
Before I let the smallest grief
Cause you unhappiness.

If I could take your pain away
And give you only bliss.
I would trade my fondest dreams
If life could promise this.

I would grant you everything,
The moon and stars above.
My heart does not ask anything
Except to prove my love.

Answer 3

6 outta 10

Answer 4

1 out of 10....learn yourself first and then try to express.that egoistic character you are trying to describe is funny,not dark.when in need of being loved,you don't say to the other "i would give you golden dreams" and things like the ones you've written...the need of being loved is a psychotic situation growing fast in the patients mind leading to extreme situations...

Answer 5

It's a very good poem which expresses well unreciprocated love. Keep writing, you have talent.

Answer 6

Sorry i had to scroll, cant do it, haha, nah its an excellent poem! Enter it into a contest

Answer 7

Lovely poem. However, love cannot be bought or bargained for.

Answer 8

if you wrote it, congrats its great! if you stole...damn you thief! nah jk....it's really good, you express well your emotions, i like, high five!!