Before I met my husband I had been through alot such as rape and molested as a child....adopted...etc....we have now been married for 4 years and he is the best in the world to me EVER. I think sometimes I go off the deep end at the smallest things. I dunno why I have developed into a person that demands that he bow down to me. For some reason I have to feel in charge ALL the time. When Im alone and thinking I know its wrong, but when he is around and helping the best he can Im all B*t*hy. I know I hurt his feeling telling him I could have done better and such and that he has ruined my life...when in actuality he has made my life. PLEASE help me....how do I change my attitude and will the mean things that Ive said to him ever heal?
2006-11-20 11:50:36 · 18 answers · asked by Brianna M 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
these answers that im getting are really opening my eyes...its like i knew all along but need to hear someone else say it
2006-11-20 12:00:19 · update #1
I have been in your husbands shoes for many years. You sound just like my wife and the best information I can give you is to go into your bedroom and pray to God for his help and guidance in your life and marriage. Then go to your husband and apologize for the mean words you have said to him and tell him how much you love him and what he means to you. Speak from your heart. You then must pray everyday for the strength to fight your weakness and you will in time overcome it.
2006-11-20 16:25:38 · answer #1 · answered by unionjack07 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Brianna, you have been through allot as a child. You weren't in control and things just didn't turn out at all! Now that you've grown, you will not allow yourself to be hurt by anyone ever again. So you won't relinquish control. The problem is sometimes you're not the best person to be in control, sometimes it would be best to let someone close to you, be in control. However, you remember what happened to you when someone else was in control. That was not acceptable! Brianna, this is something that is going to take a professional! Not us, even though it kills me not to be able to help you. Even though many people here are fabulous at advice. You need a professional! Your not NUTS! You just have a problem that is too deep for a one paragraph answer to fix. If you've ever trusted anyone you need to do this now. Go seek a counselor, not just your marriage is going to suffer if you let this continue. I will defiantly be praying for you, and I stopped doing that long ago! Good Luck girl!
2006-11-20 20:10:31 · answer #2 · answered by delux_version 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all I am sorry to hear about your troubles. And I want to say right off the bat that I am by no means a professional of any sort. But it sounds to me like you might need some counseling or something honey, and I am not saying that in a smart a** way. It sounds like you love him for being so sweet and kind and giving and loving but at the same time you dont respect him and see him as kind of a doormat. Does that make sense? Like maybe you know you need those things for a good relationship, but you dont really think he is man enough for you. I guess what im trying to say is if you want things to work out, then please go get some help. I am truly not trying to be mean. I think you have alot of underlying issues and you need a little help to sort things out. Best of luck.
2006-11-20 20:36:00 · answer #3 · answered by jenkins_nichole 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi Brianna,
I'm not going to go the "therapy" route - I'm sure at one point you've experienced it. The thing I'm going to suggest is looking in the mirror and taking the blinders off. Look at yourself and look inside yourself. It's very true to say that each of us creates our our present and future. Yes, what happened in the past is a horrible, horrible thing but you need to leave it there (stop using it as an excuse) and focus on now and how far you've come and who you have let into your life. But most of all, ask yourself why you chose your husband to be your husband. We choose these things. Is it because you saw in him someone you could push around? Someone you resent because he's a "natural pleaser"? Or is it someone that you want to wound so badly that they leave and you can have another reason to be angry? These are the things that need to be addressed by you and you alone - it's a hard thing to be honest with yourself. Indeed he has allowed you to abuse him - for now - until someone on the outside takes notice of him and appreciates the kind and gentle soul he is. Don't let it happen. Believe me when I say there are women out there that are searching for him. Yes, you've done damage but with total honesty with yourself and with him it might not be too late. Try and do whatever you have to - keep him.
2006-11-20 21:30:41 · answer #4 · answered by Dot 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I also have a very bad past similar to yours, and I know there are times that we feel like we need to blame other people for whats been happening to our life. My husband knows about my situation and past and so far has been there to support me with what I have kept for a long time. I learned that even though life was not really that friendly to me, you have to think also that you are old enough to think and make a difference with you life. You know already what is right.
Put away those ugly memories and go on. You dont want your life to be dragged into something that is not really making you more productive in any way. Trust me its for your own good and for your family. We do cry about what was in the past but your husband also needs you to be strong enough to also stand up to your own battle.
2006-11-20 20:32:24 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd suggest that counseling is the best way to go now. You might have some anger or insecurities that make you feel and act the way you do. Get help soon before you lose this incredible guy. Not many people put up with these kinda attitudes.
2006-11-20 20:07:17 · answer #6 · answered by kz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need therapy, You need therapy NOW!!!! Before you drive him away, so many good men get very bitter and angry about psycho wives. If you don't change and get help there is a good chance your husband could begin to think you are one of those types.
I know that the majority of your problems are not your fault but you can control how you respond to stressful situations. To learn these techniques you need one on one therapy with a psychologist.
2006-11-20 20:13:20 · answer #7 · answered by Poppet 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, put the shoe on the other foot...how would you feel if he told you that you've ruined his life and that he could have done better?? Regardless of any issues that you had growing up, you've got a man that loved you enough to marry you and put up with being disrespected by your mean statements. You need to just start biting your tongue. Your marriage vows included "honor", and I don't think that you are doing that. Walk away from the situation if you feel you are losing control.
Honestly, if my husband said those things to me, I'd tell him "goodbye".
2006-11-20 19:56:00 · answer #8 · answered by Royalhinney 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This is your way of dealing with some unresolved feelings you have bottled up inside....maybe if you talk to someone......a therapist, about your history...explain that you sometimes self destruct your marriage when its not what you really want. You will get the support you need. Something is off balance about your behaviour....a therapist will be able to sort it out for you....and really isn't that what you want....a better you, and a better Marriage!!
Hope this helps...good luck to you!!!
2006-11-20 20:45:10 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi! I can offer you the best therapy of your life, it's free and changed me from the inside out, I invited Jesus to come into my heart, He has healed my back injury, my wounded heart. He is love, do you know what it's like to walk around being loved all the time....it's awesome....may God bless you
2006-11-20 20:25:28 · answer #10 · answered by Bert 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋