My Wife and I met when i was 16 and she was 14. We dated for a year and half before doing anything (even kissing). Well we are now 23 and 20(almost 21). We have a son that is 3 years old. We moved away a year and half ago to washington state for the military. We just moved back 6 months ago. Well here is where I messed up. I became really controlling and pretty mean. I got mad at the littlest things. I didn't know I was doing it untill she sat down and told me, that I was making her unhappy. Well I tried to change and she gave me about a month and a half. I went back and forth. From good to bad.. then in the last two weeks I was doing good... Untill I did it again. I got mad because she was going somewhere and I wanted to go. but I didn't want to be in the way. So I was tied between two things and got mad at myself which I took out on her. I LOVE HER with all my heart but she left me about two weeks ago. Can I get her back, should I just lay low and hope for the best?
2006-11-20 10:57:58 · 13 answers · asked by Justin N 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I know that if she doesn't come back that life will go on... I want her to be happy but I just want her to forgive me for what I have done. I have made a bad mistake.. I didn't know what I had untill I have already lost it. She just got her own apartment and is in the process of moving in there. Does marriage take work or is it just supposed to be there... it feels like she gave up on me and thats why she left.. I want another chance... but only when she is ready.
2006-11-20 11:00:09 · update #1
Sounds like she means business. Got her own apartment already and all. My suggestion to you, Anger Management!!!! If you start looking into this "seriously" and I do mean seriously, you can tell her your doing so as well as showing her. Sounds like she gave you several chances, and if you ask me, she did the right thing. Having a husband who loses at a drop is not a very good atmosphere to raise a child. It can be a very scary thing. I know, my father used to lose it like that when I was little and boy, oh boy, what a scary sight. She's done the right thing by removing your son and herself from you. Now it's up to you to do something about it. Right now you cannot change her, you have to work on changing yourself. You have to find out why it is that you act this way and work from there.
I am sure that she still loves you. Moving out like that is not an easy decision. I hope you look for the help you need. Even if it doesn't work out with your wife, it would be a good thing since you have a child together.
Good luck.
2006-11-20 11:16:33 · answer #1 · answered by BluePassion 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow.... sounds like you two need a break. You need to lay low for a couple weeks and give her her space to think about things. I know this from experience. Currently I'm with this guy that is similar to how you are. I can never make him happy, he doesn't think about the little details that I do and all he does is complain and make me feel like crap.
Well now, I feel I'm losing love for him. We've been together for 6 years and all this that we've been through doesn't feel it's worth staying together.
Worst of all, your child see and knows how things are between you two. That's the wrong way to set an example for your child. You have to be really willing to change, change is NOT easy but if you really want it you need to learn. Be patient..... let time heal the pain....... give her, her space and maybe you two should take counceling. Initiate change and willingness to work with a counselor to better your lives. Good LUCK!
2006-11-20 19:07:23 · answer #2 · answered by Destinee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriage is alot of hard work! Don't ever believe it isn't. She gave you lots of chances, she told you she didn't want to live that way and you still acted the same way. Until you get professional help, it will continue to happen - especially when angry. She may come back, but she will have to know that it is over (the meanness). Go find someone to help you (professionally) then show her you have it together - maybe she'll come back. I hope the best for you, I really do.
2006-11-20 19:46:28 · answer #3 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
marriage takes work, a lot of work. that's why the divorce rate is so high these days. it's easier to just walk away then to fight to make it work. in order for a marriage to work, both people have to try their hardest to make it work. it sounds like she gave you ample time and opportunities to do right by her. the only thing that i would suggest now is for you to get counseling. if you are really serious about wanting to be with her and making things work, you should be willing to do whatever it takes. the only person you have to prove anything to is her. maybe if you voluntarily seek counseling, she will see it as you taking a step in the right direction. she's not going to come back right away either. it's going to take some time for her to see that she can trust you again and that you have changed.
2006-11-20 19:06:05 · answer #4 · answered by redpeach_mi 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Bottom line, your control issue, she was strong enough not to want a relationship where she felt that she had to walk on egg shells. I pretty sure she still loves you but you will not except your bad behavior(good for her!) But what you must do is get help your self first. Find out why you act the way you do, and once you have resolve those issues, go to her, first take it slow, date, her, but if she doesn't want you back, you must except it, and let it go, and learn from it. And yes she was a good woman she loved herself enough not to take your madness. I not trying to get on your case, but just letting you know that you can learn from this and move on. Take Care, and Good Luck
2006-11-20 19:12:25 · answer #5 · answered by Brezzy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your own stuipidy destroyed your relationship. If you cant treat her right there is no way in hell she going to want to be with you or even be around you. Maybe she watching out for your son aswhile, your wife isnt going to be there all the time and if you realive you stress by yelling and controling somone your son is going to be that person most likly because he will be there not your wife..
2006-11-20 19:07:12 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
no, you have left so many days go by, if it is as you say , that you love her, just go to see her and tell her exactly how you fee and ask her to help you in this situation you are going through. I really wish everything solves out, and I know it will cause true love as in the tales always win.
2006-11-20 19:03:30 · answer #7 · answered by hope55 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
at least you admitt the mistakes with your wife,you have to get your wife to believe that you won't be controlling ,she left you because she feels you will keep doing the same think,if you love her you can get her back,but she has to be sure that you won't keep promising to change,and not doing it, she just needs some space,I wish you luck
2006-11-20 19:47:35 · answer #8 · answered by msalb 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriage takes work every single day. Both hard work and joyful work. If you want to prove to yourself that you can control your anger, seek counselling with that goal in mind.
2006-11-20 19:05:35 · answer #9 · answered by booktender 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well you need to take the first step and get a good counselor.There is a reason why you are acting this way.You need to learn how to act in a positive manner for her and your child.
2006-11-20 19:03:27 · answer #10 · answered by plumcouch30 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋