I've been hanging out with this man and he had been seperated from his wife for a while. The problem is he looked for me ten years ago under totally different circumstances. Now, I'm newley divorced and he was supposed to be getting a divorce and I allowed myself to fall in love with him. How do you deal with the pain and shame from a situation like this?
2006-11-20 09:42:35 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
First of all you ask for forgiveness and then you move on. Do not keep beating yourself up for something you can not undo. Then you need to make sure that you do not get involved with him again. He may try to restart this toxic relationship up again because it worked for him. You were used, keep reminding yourself of this so you don't go back to him, I have been there. Everytime you try to justify all the good things he did, remind yourself of the pain he has inflicted on you and his family. Stop beating yourself up...You will get thru this.
2006-11-20 11:32:49 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No instant way to get rid of pain unless you want to take sleeping pills often. Don't feel ashamed. You are human. We all have emotions. You were at a vulnerable point in life and you really liked this guy which makes it doubly hard for you.
This is it...nothing ventured nothing gained, better to have loved and lost than never loved at all. Be thankful for the time you had and don't lament on the current circumstance.
Get out there and get busy. Don't look for love, seriously. It WILL find you when you least expect it. It is the law of opposites. The more you want something the less likely you are to get it.
In the mean time just keep busy. Start a new hobbie that involves others. I started karate to get out and meet others. You will get through this.
2006-11-20 09:58:06 · answer #2 · answered by Shebaby 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do it like this. Give him an ultimatum. Let him know that you are divorced and he still is not. He may be tagging you along. If you can get a divorce, what is stoping him? Does he wants his cake and to eat it, too? I would tell him that if he is serious, come back with the divorce papers and documents letting you know that it is final. If not, there a better guys out there. Because, if he was trying to get in contact with you for 10 years or so, then, that means he was never really into the woman he was married to. Makes you wonder if he was not that faithful with her to be looking for you for 10 years, will he be faithful to you? Ask yourself that.
I personally think you can do better and let him go.
2006-11-20 09:48:57 · answer #3 · answered by uchaboo 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I hate to say it but you played with fire and you got burned.you got want you deserve. just because a person is separated don't mean that there over there marriage "just yet" when there divorce then it's OK to be with. you were with a married man.even tough he was separated and YOU thought he was getting a divorce he was still legally married. he was not safe only until he got that divorce.you ask how do you get over the pain come on now you were once married you know. TIME. and read Ten Stupid Things Women Do to Mess Up Their Lives by Dr. Laura C. Schlessinger you can get this book in almost all book stores its easy reading
2006-11-20 09:57:55 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
sure it hurts to feel as if youv'e been duped, and now your divorced and he isn't making a move at all. that's what sometimes happens when u get involved with a man who is married. don't put to much trust in him, or expect a future. no happiness can come when u take it at the expense of someone elses happiness. how would u feel if u were the wife? instead of the other woman. u deal with it by not seeing him anymore until he has the divorce papers in his hand.
2006-11-20 12:31:52 · answer #5 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds as though one person is a bit more involved than the other in this, ten years?? and now that the opportunity presents itself he won't take advantage of it ... he still has the upper hand, and perhaps you should have just went ahead and stayed married, and was that divorce the result of what you're telling us now or due to something else?
I'd move on; though you held him off for ten years if he were as serious as you say he is I'd think he would have jumped at the opportunity
2006-11-20 11:08:58 · answer #6 · answered by collard greens with hash browns 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh, girl, have I been there! Same set up - I was separated; he was married. I worked with him, we were friends for years. Then something changed. I guess the spark had always been there. He told me he and his wife were leading separate lives; that she had moved back to her mother's house, and we began an affair.
Except I didn't think of it as an affair. I thought it was love.
I did wonder that he took great care where we met,and at what time of day, etc.
Then, coincidentally, I bumped into him in the city centre - with his nine months pregnant wife! He was terrified I'd give the game away, kept making eyes at me as if to say "shut up.Don't say a word"
I went home and cried for days. He rang me repeatedly, called to the house, saying he'd only slept with her the one time and she got pregnant. Ha!
I refused to speak to him or see him. I was so ashamed. I'd given him every part of me, and to this day it's the one big thing in life I regret doing.
But I got through, as you will. The thing is to forgive yourself. We all need love, but sometimes we need it so much, it blinds us to the reality of what is really happening.
There is no shame in loving someone, you gave your heart generously, and he broke it. Hold your head up. You sound like a wonderful person, and you will love again.
2006-11-20 09:57:39 · answer #7 · answered by marie m 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
He isnt going to leave her. If he only wanted you he would have already left her.
Move on....have few girly nights out on the booze and pick up some random block for a shag
2006-11-20 09:46:28 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dunno, you just get over it. It's not gonna be easy, but you have to go on, take it a day at a time. Things like this happen, it's not the end of the world; renew old friendships, visit your family, get a new hobby, date someone else. Better to get it over with now than drag it out.
2006-11-20 09:53:31 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you have to get over it when your favorite recipe turns out great?
You guys got the ingredients, mixed them up, and got exactly what the recipe makes.
Try to leave the married guys alone. As you found out....they're married.
2006-11-20 09:49:14 · answer #10 · answered by Sunbaby 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋