I have a boyfriend right now, and I love him to death. But theres no real physical attraction, it's so bad that I dont even really want to kiss him. I dont want to talk to him about this because I dont want to hurt his feelings.
I've always called myself bi, but now I dont think that I am. I've really started to like girls a whole lot more than guys, and I am really confused.
I'm really kind of scared because my family is a bunch of conservative christians, and while i'm not, i'm afraid of disappointing them again.
How do I really know my sexual preference, because I am so lost, and getting somewhat depressed thinking about the whole situation.
2006-11-20 08:34:23 · 18 answers · asked by stoneagequeen1 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
your right! sexual orientation, not preference, oops!
2006-11-20 08:45:48 · update #1
For me it was late in life. I indentify as bisexual. I didn't realize this until I became attracted to a woman (b4 that I had fantasized about women but was never attracted to any particular one). I went through stages of denial, thinking that I was a lesbian and finally settling in on being bisexual.
Have you considered talking with a therapist? I did and it really helped. NOT saying anything is wrong with you, just saying that therapy is a good place to get out of your head so to speak.
Are you part of any online groups? Have you read anything, articles, books on GLBT lifestyles?
I think inside you may know your answer. I also think that if you are true to yourself you will not disappoint anyone. Most imporantly you will not disappoint yourself.
wishing you the best. :)
2006-11-20 08:46:26 · answer #1 · answered by Sugah 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I guess people are going to answer this in so many different ways. You must be young, because the whole disappointing parent thing is something that you will have to stop worrying about when you become an adult. The fact that your family is a bunch of conservative Christians is not your fault, as well as you being a lesbian. Its funny how people think we are lesbians by choice huh? Ya we wish to choose a harder path and pi$$ off our whole family because its a choice... I think that you might need to explore who you are a little further, most likely your a lesbian. But you need to find a support group, friend, center, somewhere you can talk to people who are going through what you are going through or who love you no matter what. Let your boyfriend go, he will be hurt no matter what. Getting depressed is not going to make the situations better, make a choice and get excited about finding out who you really are. Remember there are people all over this world who have it soooooooo much worst than you.... You will get through this...
2006-11-20 09:05:09 · answer #2 · answered by mylife 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you already know the answer to your own question. You know you are gay, but you are afraid. I totally don't blame you, it can be really scary. Don't try to take on the whole thing at once, and all of a sudden feel the need to switch to a fully lesbian lifestyle. It took me quite a while to fully come to terms with being bi, it didn't just happen one day. Maybe you need to break up with your boyfriend first, and then just take some time for yourself to figure things out. Don't worry about telling your parents until you have become sure of who you are and what you want from life. There are a lot of places online where you can talk to other people going through the same thing.
Hope that helps. Don't be depressed, just remeber to love yourself =)
2006-11-20 08:56:07 · answer #3 · answered by rhythm.nbass 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
The reasons you aren't attracted to your boyfriend is complex.
Answer a simpler question: Are you attracted to guys? If you aren't, not even a little, then you are likely lesbian. If you are still somewhat attracted to other guys, then you are indeed bi.
Don't confuse your emotional attraction to your bf with your sexual attraction. The former can be intense, but the latter may have waned quite a bit.
Lack of attraction to your boyfriend could be complicated by interpersonal sexual reasons. I've had gfs whom I found I was much less, and at times not, attracted to. In going back and doing an emotional and attraction post-mortem, it was usually something interpersonal going on, not my base attraction to women.
2006-11-20 08:50:30 · answer #4 · answered by Radagast97 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Very easily. Even at 5 years old, every cute girl on TV I had a crush on. Every girl in school who resembled the girls I saw on TV I had a crush on. Even had a huge crush on Cndy Lauper (and I still kind of do to a degree). Never had a crush on a guy. One day a whole neigborhood though I was gay and I began to question my sexuality, thinking "why would someone think I'm gay when I'm not", only to learn that I've always only been attracted to females.
So I never "discovered my sexual preference". It was always an obvous part of me. I only question it the same way I would question if I was retarded because everyone keeps calling me retarded. Only to realize I just had low self-esteem.
I'm a guy by the way.
2006-11-20 09:13:44 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like you are gay. I knew whenever I started checking out one of my guy friend, I thought I might be gay but then found that I was still just as obsessed with women as ever a few weeks later at a party. I thought it had all been a phase that had passed but then found myself still attracted to guys. Finally I figured out that I was bi and have since embraced my sexuality.
If you are actually repulsed by the thought of making out with a guy then chances are you are a lesbian. You need to tell him about this, no one likes to be led on.
2006-11-20 10:28:13 · answer #6 · answered by Rageling 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do you have any physical attraction towards any other guys?
If so, then it may be an issue with that particular guy.
If not, then it may be an issue with your sexuality i.e. you may be homosexual.
You may want to discuss your feelings with a counsellor. If you are indeed homosexual, then you will need to tell your boyfriend sooner rather than later. It may be harsh, but it is worse the longer you leave it. Your boyfriend may also be getting worried himself with the lack of intimacy, and may even be blaming himself.
2006-11-20 09:02:37 · answer #7 · answered by nemesis 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I discovered my sexual orientation when I had my first experience with another guy. I was hesitant at first but then my inner instincts and desires fulfilled my body and I knew that I liked what I was doing. It felt right to me and it always has ever since my first time. Believe me when you know, you will know!
Good luck to you and have a Rainbow Day!!
2006-11-20 08:39:01 · answer #8 · answered by Michael 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Dear this is not where you want to present a question like yours for fear the advise you are needing would welcome in effect multiple responses with little regard. I would suggest you invest in yourself by consulting with a professional and be up front by stating you are not interested in a long drawn out relationship you just want a professional opinion are you or are you not bi and what is your sexual direction. In addition, as for the conservatives in your life don't worry about them take care of yourself first and the rest will take care of it self.
Best to ya Kat,
2006-11-20 08:47:20 · answer #9 · answered by Fresh choice 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
In my backyard swimming pool. I was 8, he was 12. I went under, pulled his "friend" out and tried it. Then I convinced him to go to the woods with me. We were there for a lonnnnnggggg time. I don't think I stopped smiling for a couple if weeks. I think I knew it then!!!!!
2006-11-21 03:31:23 · answer #10 · answered by Mike 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋