I've gotton too close to my female friend.I told her how I felt and we decided it wud be best to remain friends.We are so close that she didn't want to risk the friendship,our special bond.We are now on good terms as before my confession.
Said she can’t imagine me not being in\part of her life---this mean anything??
Stuff we do is:
Go to dinner\lunch together,drinks in the evening. We go on roadtrips together to the coast\countryside for walks, usually followed by dinner and its just the 2 of us.this happens regularly.We also flirt with each other and we’re in touch practically everyday etc
How do I make sure that we(I) don't get too close to her again???
I don't want to start acting odd or hurt her by a sudden change in behaviour.
Its difficult for me knowing we both fancy each other,but the friendship means more to her.
Anyone be in a similar position??
Advice....
2006-11-20 07:57:48 · 17 answers · asked by sircrazydude90 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
The fact that you already feel more for her than just a friend means it is too late to not risk the friendship. Can you really be just a friend? How are you going to feel when she hooks up with that new guy?
Sounds just like me and my best friend when I was 20. He is still one of my closest friends but he is single and I am sure if he was married we probably wouldnt be in touch much. I told him the same thing she told you. But the fact is I wasnt physically attracted to him back then. And he had issues that I didnt want to get involved with romantically but that were OK as a friend. Because it is natural to want things to be MORE with someone you are best friends with. That is what all great relationships are built on. So I think there is more she aint tellin you.
This problem will resolve itself when one or both of you actually gets a real boyfriend/girlfriend. You wont have time for the other person anymore as much and your new honey wont like you being so close to someone of the opposite sex.
It is really hard for men and women to be friends.
Now at 48 my best friend at work is also a man who is also married. My hubby is OK with us being friends. I dont think his wife would be so he doesnt tell her much. We dont flirt at all. Just friends so it isnt the same as my old male friends.
""How do I make sure that we(I) don't get too close to her again???""
Get out and date other women who WILL be attracted to you. If you spend so much time with this women who isnt the one - your going to miss the one that is. And so will she.
2006-11-20 08:20:19 · answer #1 · answered by Blondana 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why not go to a speed dating night together you can still be close and you both might meet somebody you like there and concentrate on falling in love with them instead of each other if that dos'nt work why not introduce a few more friends into the group a mix of boys and girls and as a last resort if all else fails dont fight your feeling if they are that strong then you have to give in to them if you both feel exactly the same way but to make sure your friendship stands a bit more of a chance use this as a last resort i hope this advice is some help if not then sorry i would love to know if any of my advice helps so feel free to let me know whether it was good or bad advice but obvoiusly you dont have to best of luck
Rhys
2006-11-20 08:11:03 · answer #2 · answered by Rhys 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Pretty much half of the country has been in this situation. It's obvious you like her; it sounds like it. When a woman says that, it means that she likes you too but doesn't want the sexual part of a relationship because then it takes commitment and is much more complicated and she doesn't want to deal with it. she wants the intimacy but not the other stuff because it takes work.
I think you should tell her that you like her and that it's just too hard to spend such intimate time together. Tell her you can still be friends but that you cant' promise anything. Why does it have to be what she wants. She wants this, she wants that, your in this too. If you make her realize you like her more than a friend and that it's hard to deal with, then she might even come around. Right now she has everything without any cost. Relationships take work and commitment; if she doesnt' want either your letter her have her cake and eat it too. Your going to be hurt bad if you keep it up. Be freinds but start seeing other girls and she'll either come around or it wasnt' meant to be. Think about your needs as well, because she is only thinking of hers.
The best loving relationships are from great friendships.
2006-11-20 08:07:06 · answer #3 · answered by Ice4444 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've been there myself. One of my greatest regrets in life is that a girl I was very close friends with chose not to go any farther with the relationship. She said at the time that it was because she didn't want to endanger the friendship. We have both learned since then that friendship is what a relationship is built on. Take the chance. Both of you. If you are that close as friends Imagine what a love between the two of you would be like.
2006-11-20 08:02:09 · answer #4 · answered by knite_hawk1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Friendships develop naturally. If it has reached a stage where the directions you need to pursue are opposed then it's only a matter of time before being together becomes very difficult.
You an't suppress your need for her without being affected and thus affecting the relationship. Her interrupting the progress that you have is stifling the relationship. It's not preserving anything.
May of us have had this moment. Like many others, I let mine go by and the politics of time and circumstance got in the way.
She's got to recognise that this is the way it's got to go. Relationships cannot be stagnant. If i were you i'd come out to her blatantly and say 'I need you... because' the 'us' that you have won't survive if your priorities for it tug in different directions.
2006-11-20 13:23:19 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The second you introduce emotions into friendship, it can become complicated.Your friend obviously cares for you a lot, but is scared to get too close in case things don't work out. I understand this because you see a different side to somebody when you enter into a relationship with them. Your emotions are on a completely different level and you have to get to know each other all over again. You need to talk to this friend and be honest with how you feel. If you don't, you will just become resentful and angry. If you like each other tho, and you truly believe this could work, then tell them this.
2006-11-20 08:06:53 · answer #6 · answered by katie 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I had a very good male friend once. We were very close and talked about everything together. But then there was one mistake and neither of us could face each other after for a few years. I am now married but my friend isn't and truly what we had is no longer there properly.Check how you feel and talk to your friend about it. Just remember when the first throes of passion are over friendship still lives on. Good Luck
2006-11-20 20:01:49 · answer #7 · answered by traceylill 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow firstly you should both be thankful for being in each others lives, but nothing ventured nothing gained.
if everyone was this way towards each other then nobody would be together at all.
i think you should ask her one more time to try and make it work if your friendship is as strong as you say then i see no reason if things don't work out why you couldn't be good friends again unless either of you do anything like cheat but to me it sounds like that wont happen.
i think if you don't at least try you will never know.
also what happens when you both finally have a partner and children then you wont be as big apart of each-others lives anyway, you will drift apart but perhaps see each-other every couple of weeks, will this really ever be enough for you.
good luck in whatever you decide.
sorry never been in a position like this but i would love to have that bond, i think it may be more than you both realise though.
2006-11-20 08:08:47 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yep, once you cross that line from friends to lovers, things get awkward and go pear shaped. I think we all need friends of both sexes without intimacy coming into it. Just act as you've always acted or she may withdraw from your company. Who knows in a few years time your relationship may change but if you are both comfortable doing the things together that you used to do, just carry on the same for now.
2006-11-20 08:13:02 · answer #9 · answered by RUTH M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My very best friend has always been my frist boyfriend from grade school, when we got out of school we tried to have a relationship again and it didn't work out it took a really long time from us to reconnect. It's better for the friendship to just stay friends because if it doesn't work out then it will brake your heart twice!
2006-11-20 08:07:54 · answer #10 · answered by ♥Ta Loca♥ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋