I have to do everything without any help from him...2 young kids, he's a great father but won't help out around the house. How can I change this? I work, take care of kids, cook, clean, play taxi for kids. I don't get any breaks! I'm always expected to answer my cell phone on the first call then he wants to know where I am, who is with me, when will I be home. I haven't cheated or anything to be untrustworthy. What should I do?
2006-11-20 07:30:50 · 11 answers · asked by sassysouthernbell9900 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
well -- how about i tell you what i do and maybe you'll get some ideas.... i'm a nurse that had a baby and wanted to stay home with him instead of putting him in daycare. my husband didn't want the loss of my paycheck and gave me a lot of grief about going back to work but ALSO expected me to do all the "real" parenting, house cleaning, cooking, etc. i told him if i went back to work that he would have to split everything 50/50 and he agreed. i told him the very first day he didn't do one of "his" new split duties i would quit my job on the spot.... as in if it's his turn to change a diaper and he didn't do it -- i wouldn't go back to work the next day because i'm not going to be walked on like that...if i'm a homemaker, then i'm a homemaker...if i'm a nurse, then that's what i'm going to be and he can hire a housekeeper, cook and nanny. he agreed to split the job duties.....well, a couple of days before i was going to start a new job, i started him out on the split duties....needless to say....i'm now a very happy stay-at-home mom. i keep the house, cook dinner and take care of my son. as far as your concern about him wanting you to answer your phone right away...that's controlling behavior. remind him you're an adult and tell him where he can stick it next time he gets mad. then quit your job. :)
2006-11-20 07:37:23 · answer #1 · answered by Ducky S 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We teach people how to treat us. You need to set some ground rules for your guy and tell him that it's too much for one person. You both work and you both live in the house so both of you should take care of the place and the kids. You've never been untrustworthy, so you deserve some slack.
2006-11-20 15:35:00 · answer #2 · answered by pinniethewooh 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to him about it. You need some ME time and dont let up. He may say that you are bitchy etc but tell him the facts. If you dont get some ME time you could get a breakdown due to stress then what he will still have to do stuff.So before that happens get him to help, even thought the kids are young get them to help put away their toys at least but it depends on how young they are. Every one needs to pitch in, that is what makes a family a real family. Please let him know your needs set up a roster of who will do what when and stick to it so you will both work and you will both get breaks.
2006-11-20 15:49:24 · answer #3 · answered by Joyann R 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like you are the mom, the nanny, the wife and the girlfriend. I'd make it plane and simple, that you need a vacation away frmo your full time job .. being his wife!!!! Seriously, if we never take time for ourselves we lose ourselves. Your husband obviously doesn't appreciate who you are and the whole not answeringthe phont on the 1st ring is crap!!! I went through that same thing and it is nothing more than a man being EXTREMLY insecure. You deserve the best girl ... and that is to be happy.
2006-11-20 15:36:25 · answer #4 · answered by Alicia R 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Communicate how you feel to him. Tell him that you feel like he should be helping around the house more.
If he doesn't choose to step-up and help you, then stop doing for him and only do for yourself and the kids. You must take care of yourself and the children, his care is optional because he can take care of himself.
Best of luck to you.
2006-11-20 15:40:10 · answer #5 · answered by Starla_C 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your expected to do everything because you have BEEN doing everything. You have spoiled this man to hell and now you wanna complain. You should have been put your foot down. You LET him get away with not helping and you let him get away with treating you like a child. You can either put your foot down NOW...or be this way for the rest of this relationship. What are you gon do now?
2006-11-20 15:35:39 · answer #6 · answered by Mean Carleen 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get yourself more confident in your role and less resentful. Be grateful he is providing for you and the family, is a good father to your children, and a decent husband.
2006-11-20 17:42:55 · answer #7 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
are you married to the same man as i am?? LOL
look honey, my man was like that before i married him. i catered to his needs. and now....yeah i got myself in a rut. but i created that big baby. and he is who he is. so either you let him swing on his own...or you suck it up. because he sees no reason to change. and expecting him to change is a waste of time. best bet, talk to him. if he doesn't like it....you need to lay down the law. just remember same amount of time you took to baby him...will be the same amount of time to wean him from it.
2006-11-20 15:40:11 · answer #8 · answered by Bella 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
take a business trip out of town, or some trip out of town alone so he can see everything you are doing (so he has all that responsibility). trust me, he doesn't realize you're doing all this.
he has no clue. try going out of town for two weeks.
2006-11-20 15:33:28 · answer #9 · answered by Sufi 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Quit your job so you have more time to be a wife and mother, with less stress.
2006-11-20 15:34:43 · answer #10 · answered by Violet Pearl 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋