Should I introduce my children to a new GF? 37 yo man. Separated in Aug. Divorced in Oct.?

Question

We tried to work things out for quite some time before separating & I realized that emotionally I left the marriage a long time ago. We had 2 children together (4 and 7) & we share parenting 50/50% The kids seem to be doing remarkably well. Between the sep & the divorce, I started seeing a 35 yo woman. The relationship has developed into more than just friendship. We're not looking to get married or move in together, but the long term potential is there.

My ex knows about the new GF & is very bitter. I'd like to introduce my children to her (I've met her 14 yo son) & the ex has gotten very nasty about this. I'm not worried about the kid's reactions as I think that they'll be fine with dad having a new "friend." The new GF & I have talked & agreed on no affection in front of my kids. I'm more concerned with the ex's reaction & how it will affect the kids.

The new GF is not pushing. This is something I want. Tired of letting the ex control my life. Any advice would help

Should also mention that I do understand why my ex is upset....but she is perpetually upset. She has introduced new guys (babysitter's) into my girl's lives and introduced them as friends.

I talked with my counselor on this issue (at the request of my ex) and he advised me that as long as I introduce the new person carefully and as a friend then there is nothing wrong with my kids meeting new people.

I don't plan on introducing this person as a GF...just a friend. No affection in front of the kids and no sleepovers when the kids are there.

One last thing.....I'm honestly trying to make sure that I make the best decision for my kids and myself. I appreciate all of the answers but please try to keep the guy bashing to a minimum (i.e. the usual man way of handling things). If I had wanted to get back at her, there are many other legal ways that don't involve my kids.

I could go on telling you all of the issues that I have with her, but those are irrelevant to these circumstances.

Answer 1

I think you sound like a good guy who is genuinely trying to put his kids first, but who, at the same time wants to be happy. You have the right idea - tread lightly, introduce her as a "friend" with no PDA in front of the kids, and let your children get used to spending time with you two together - but don't overdo it. You should still have plenty of alone time with your kids or they will start to resent her.
Don't let your ex control the situation, and don't make a big deal of her accusations to your kids. They will eventually be able to see the bitterness in her actions, and will one day understand that you were putting them first.
Good luck! Everyone deserves to be happy!

Answer 2

hahahaaaaaaaaa So you think it will be fine and dandy? Ya right get real! I was married long and also had kids like you. I also had hopes and dreams that it will all work out the way it was suppose to. But seems like this will take you and your current girlfriend to work together and not let your ex intovene or either that its going to take the whole 100% on your part not to regret anything at all and remain with the current woman on totally trust her ......... I noticed usually people with the kids in a past divorce tend to feel guilty and stray with their current relationship and start cheating back with the ex. I would seriously give the divorce or introduction some thought before you rush into it all!,,,,, Give it some more time. Sounds like your ex wife didn't move on yet if she is refusing to let you introduce the kids to your girlfriend yet.. Keep your girlfriend out of it all..... if you love her so much and she will understand.

Answer 3

I went through the same situation a few years ago but my kids were a little older. I decided to hold off on them meeting the new man in my life because I still wasn't 100% sure about the relationship. I didn't want the kids connecting with my new guy and then having him disappear a month or two later. I would recommend to wait a little longer. But ultimately, it's totally up to you. Whatever decision you make, make it for the kids and not for the ex. Good luck!

Answer 4

Dude, its been only 3 months for god sake. For one you should not be introducing your kids to people you just met. Three months is nothing. I dont think its good for your kids to get attached to people who wont be around in 6 months. And cant you for one second understand why your ex feels this way ?? How do you think you would feel if your kids were hanging around another man ? I just dont see why you cant keep it separate for a while longer until your sure this new gf will work out in the long run.

And honestly it sounds like you want to do this just to hurt your ex. Its like "I'll show her". The usual man way of handling things.

Answer 5

You state no affection or sleepovers with your children around and for this I highly commend your actions. You are obviously aware how hard this is on kids. I say go ahead, introduce her as your friend but know they may see through this. Your ex will hopefully mature without causing the kids too much damage but you are NOT responsible for her thoughts, actions or words. I wish more parents were like you :-)

Answer 6

Dude, just because the kids seem well adjusted doesn't mean that they are. It's WAY too soon for you to be bringing your children around another woman. Really. Think of your children, this has nothing to do with your ex controling your life.

Turn this around for a moment....................how would YOU feel if your ex was bringing a man around your children ?

Answer 7

I think it's too early for your kids...Use as much time to get the kids adjusted first to the fact that Mommy and Daddy aren't together...Make sure you talk to them and that they understand what's going on...It's also not bad to let them know that you are dating a friend...See how they react...They will tell you if they're not ready to share you yet...Be supportive of that coz they're going through a rough time right now...

Also, if you're Ex are able to talk...Perhaps, you can ask her how she feels about bringing another woman in the kids life...If you have her blessings...It will go smoother...But I know that's not always the case...But who knows...She might be glad that you're confiding in her the fact that you're caring about the kids...

Answer 8

not yet...let your kids get use to the fact that mommy and daddy are no longer together. I know this from experience. My father, he had divorced my mother when I was about 6 years old and had decided to introduce me to his new girlfriend (whom he left my mother for) and my siblings and I were very upset by the introduction.

My answer is wait.

Answer 9

First of all, you shouldn't have started dating until you were divorced. That was dumb, selfish and unfair to your children.
I don't think you should introduce your children to a new girlfriend, until you are engaged and it is extremely serious and you are sure.

Answer 10

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