I have been involved with a physically, emotionally and verbally abusive man for the past 5 years. The relationship is now ended, but the loss feels like a death. Having been abused, I no longer have friends and family to lean on or talk to, so the feeling of loneliness has quadrupled. My emotions and body have been so battered, that I feel like nothing. Where do I start on this healing process?
2006-11-20 06:47:40 · 20 answers · asked by * 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
First of all, you need to boost up your self-esteem. Do things for you, go shopping, get involved in any kind of fun class like dancing or painting (those are always stress reliever and they will definitely boost your self-confidence.
Next, seek psychological help. There are a lot of therapy groups that can help you deal with this healing process.
You are not alone, there are plenty of women that have gone through something like this.
Finally, start calling friends up and inviting them over or to go out so that you can get your social life back.
Don't think that because he left you your life is over...
ITS JUST BEGINNING!!! live, love and laugh!
2006-11-20 06:57:58 · answer #1 · answered by JeWel in the MakE! 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, I'm very sorry for what you have experienced for the past 5 years. Second, congratulations because you came out of it alive!
I would suggest getting counseling. There are a lot of centers for abused women where the offer free counseling. Check out the yellow pages or search the web for a center near you. Also, try contacting your old friends and family. You might be surprised to find their support for finally leaving the abusive relationship. If not, don't worry, there are plenty of people out there that are willing to help you through this difficult time. Stay strong, you'll get through this. You'll see that this experience will make you stronger and wiser.
Feel free to e-mail me anytime if you need a word of encouragement or just someone to listen to you. Hang in there!
2006-11-20 07:22:34 · answer #2 · answered by jazz_lover_25 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i am so sorry for your pain. I think you need to start by healing yourself and that could be by way of counseling, or a support group or even a Yahoo group where discussions take place.
Of course professional counseling is best, but I know it is most costly. A local group can be helpful as can even getting involved with people online to talk to and share with. Yahoo has many such groups of mostly great people that are supportive and kind.
Realize that none of the abuse was your fault and start taking one day at a time to feel stornger and better. reach out to friends and family or barring that, try to get involved in activities that you might enjoy and you will naturally meet people. It will take time and yoiu will still occasionally have flair -ups of self doubt and grief - just let it pass and remind yourself that it is over and you are safe. Take it one day at a time and don;t become overwhelmed.
good luck dear
2006-11-20 06:59:28 · answer #3 · answered by island3girl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well first if all good for you for leaving the relationship most women don;t have enough strength too. well you could join some kinda club make new friends try and contact your old friends and let them know that you got rid of him and that you really miss thier friendship and try and contact some family if possible an talk to them and try to start the relationship. If you dwell and do nothing but set at home alone he is still abusing you and controling what you do..... get dressed up and have a night on the town ya never know what could happen.
2006-11-20 06:54:00 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i am so sorry to hear that you had to endure that kind of pain. i'm sure that it will take a long time to heal. well, i was raped a while ago (i reported it) but ever since then, i subconsciously kept looking for a relationship with a "bad" guy cuz it was just a part of my "comfort" zone. i tended to be very permiscuous also. i was having sex with them just to re-live the trauma. so just as a first step to recovery, do not look for someone to lean on who possess' traits like the man who hurt you. i personally did this kind of thing without even realizing it. so i hope you don't make my mistake. well, as far as looking for someone to support you, i really think counseling is a necessity for you. that, and possibly a women's support group. but if you are low on money (like me) and don't get these things, then it may just be a good idea to find a support group online cuz that's what im gonna do today. anyways, what i did was build up "walls" so i could never face what happened. i never thought about it and i didn't let it bother me, but it showed up in my life in other areas and was really affecting me. so i think the best suggestion i would have for you is maybe to have a journal. write out WHATEVER! like all your thoughts about anything and then later go back and read it. when i did this, it was easier for me to find what areas i was having trouble in and then i could attempt to research and fix them. but i really sympathize. good luck with your recovery! and never forget how important you are as a person. i'm sure that did a number on your self esteem... but you aren't worthless like he treated you and you are YOU! the future is still an unwritten slate! you can't change the past, you can live wisely in the present, and you can prepare for a better future.
always, kristin
2006-11-20 07:00:01 · answer #5 · answered by kitty 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are not already seeking professional help, please do so. A counselor or therapist can help you work through and overcome some of the feelings of isolation.
Now that you are free of your abuser, please make the effort and reach out to your family and those of your friends who were the closest. I don't know the specifics of your situation, but it could very well be that they stopped communicating with you because they did not want to make things worse for you.
You should find that your family and friends aren't gone, they just needed some indication that it's okay to be in contact with you.
Also, if you are not involved with a church, it's a good time to find one.
The first step is always the most difficult. Just make baby steps and take one at a time.
Good luck to you.
2006-11-20 06:54:40 · answer #6 · answered by txgirl_2_98 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I went through the same thing with two babies. It has been years now and I am still not completely healed. I have since moved and made "real" friends, and go to support groups in my area. You can look at local hospitals, shelters, and online for groups. You get to meet people who go through similar things and know exactly how you feel. You get the sympathy you deserve and make good friends in the process as well. I am also seeing two counselors to help deal with the situation. You may also want to try that. Keep your chin up though...it was him not you! Depression kicks in fast and needs to be treated. Don't be embarrassed by his actions. Learn from them and move on and become a more alert person about these warning signs for future relationships. Surround yourself with healthy positive people.
2006-11-20 06:53:34 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know where you are coming from try 6 years of an abusive relationship. Well, mine did end in a death. I am sorry to say.
But if you ever need anyone to talk to you can email me at jjones_3279@yahoo.com
I met someone better that respected me and the kids I had already had. We are married for 5 years with 2 more kids of our own.
Find someone that will love you for you and respect you not violate you the way you have been violated before.
2006-11-20 06:52:48 · answer #8 · answered by jjones_3279 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I see that in your long 5 years relationship u kinda got used to the beating and everything, u began to to see bad as good and now that you are experimenting some quite time, no abuses, no nothing and u are just not used to it. U should give time to heal and try to find someone that is nice, that u can talk to, telling someone your story really helps. I don't want to suggest to go to therapy but the state your in continues for your own good will be best to look for professional help.
2006-11-20 06:52:53 · answer #9 · answered by Paolo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You start by being glad that you're out of the relationship.
Yes, it can feel like a death but, do you mourn a serial killer?
Nothing lost there and to waste your time "mourning" this person, well, I don't know what to say.
All that's going to get you "over" this, is time.
Go out and make new friends.
You haven't forgotten how to talk have you?
Now that they've gone, I'd suspect your family may be more receptive to your "re-appearance" and your effort to re-establish contact with them. No one wants to be part nor parcel of that kind of activity and despite their turning their backs on you, which was wrong, that may be their reasoning.
Maybe things will be different now. Try. It's a starting point.
BOL
2006-11-20 06:57:45 · answer #10 · answered by WHY? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋