Any Advice on My Social Disconnection?

Question

Talking for me is like pretending. When I talk to others it feels usless, unnurshing, empty, non sastyfying, dry and boring and I feel very INSINCERE. It affects All my social relationships because its makes it impossible for me to really really connect with people. I also feel pain because I feel I am trapped inside myself and do not know how to stimulate or express myself through talking or acting? I feel I am an outgoing person deep deep inside, but do not how to bring out my exterior nature. It seems that I am an extreme case of an interior person.

Do you know what I'm talking about? If so, what is it and what can I do about this problem to fix it? I'm not looking for sympathy, just give me your best educated guess. Thanks a Million.

Points that may help in assesment
I'm a young adult women.
and spend most of my time in solitude.

Answer 1

find something that will get you out among people, and give you a topic to talk about, such as taking a class, volunteering at a local school, joining a bowling league, etc, also, practicing is great,,,,, even if its talking to yourself, meaning write up a small speech, and practice it outloud, i think often we are not used to hearing our voices, if we spend alot of time alone

finally, realize that many other people, even the ones who seem very outgoing, have insecurities also,,,,,

Answer 2

I think what you need is to sit down & have a long talk with yourself on what can you do to make this situation your in better.

I suggest you get some couseling and try to get out of what you call solitude!

That's not good for anyones phyche!

Life is living not hiding, try to change it before its too late!

Answer 3

try spending more time wz people,where there is obligatory contact between u and them,like workshops,language classes,dancing classes,conversation classes.step by step u'll get used to talking to them and you will surely have friend from those places,may be ur class mate,ur prof,and so on.try avoiding doing the activities that leave you playing the role of the reciever,even for just the time being,like reading,pc,shopping alone,...if u use the net,try spend more time on sites like this,where u're like talking and sharing.

Answer 4

you need to take baby steps to get yourself out of your shell & don't be so hard on yourself - there have got to be groups for introverted people - your best bet would be to work in a support group type of atmospehre - that way you would be around other people and forced to contribute, which for you, is what you need - dont give up - there's also individual therapy to get you started. you've got to learn to reach out to others, instead of living your life in solitude. each time you reach out & succeed, it gets easier & easier.

Answer 5

It sounds like you don't really care about anyone but yourself. When you are truly interested in other people, your conversations will change and you'll enjoy others. Think about what questions you can ask the next person you talk to, what would you like to know about them. Is there anyone you do want to know more about? who? why? Become sincere in your interaction with others.

Answer 6

You need to get drunk and stupid.

Answer 7

It sounds to me like you may be a person with high-functioning Asperger's Syndrome. Here's a definition:

Asperger syndrome — also referred to as Asperger's syndrome, Asperger's, or just AS — is one of five neurobiological pervasive developmental disorders (PDD) that is characterized by deficiencies in social and communication skills. It is considered to be part of the autistic spectrum and is differentiated from other PDDs and from high functioning autism (HFA) in that early development is normal and there is no language delay. It is possible for people with AS to have learning disabilities concurrently with Asperger syndrome. In these cases, differential diagnosis is essential to identify subsequent support requirements. Conversely, IQ tests may show normal or superior intelligence,[1][2] and standard language development compared with classical autism. The diagnosis of AS is complicated by the lack of adoption of a standardized diagnostic screen, and, instead, the use of several different screening instruments and sets of diagnostic criteria. The exact cause of AS is unknown and the prevalence is not firmly established, due partly to the use of differing sets of diagnostic criteria.

AS is often not identified in early childhood, and many individuals do not receive diagnosis until after puberty or when they are adults. Assistance for core symptoms of AS consists of therapies that apply behavior management strategies and address poor communication skills, obsessive or repetitive routines, and physical clumsiness. Many individuals with AS can adopt strategies for coping and do lead fulfilling lives - being gainfully employed, getting married or having successful relationships, and having families. In most cases, they are aware of their differences and recognize when they need support to maintain an independent life.[5] There are instances where adults do not realize that they have AS personalities until they are having difficulties with relationships and/or attending relationship counseling. Recognition of the very literal and logical thought processes that are symptomatic of AS can be a tremendous help to both partners in a close/family relationship.

Characteristics

AS is characterized by:[4][5]

* Limited interests or preoccupation with a subject to the exclusion of other activities;
* Repetitive behaviors or rituals;
* Peculiarities in speech and language;
* Socially and emotionally inappropriate behavior and interpersonal interaction;
* Problems with nonverbal communication; and,
* Clumsy and uncoordinated motor movements.

The most common and important characteristics of AS can be divided into several broad categories: social impairments, narrow but intense interests, and peculiarities of speech and language. Other features are commonly associated with this syndrome, but are not always regarded as necessary for diagnosis. This section mainly reflects the views of Attwood, Gillberg, and Wing on the most important characteristics of AS; the DSM-IV criteria represent a slightly different view. Unlike most forms of PDDs, AS is often camouflaged, and many people with the disorder blend in with those that do not have it. The effects of AS depend on how an affected individual responds to the syndrome itself.[10]

[edit] Social differences

Although there is no single feature that all people with AS share, difficulties with social behavior are nearly universal and are one of the most important defining criteria. People with AS lack the natural ability to see the subtexts of social interaction, and may lack the ability to communicate their own emotional state, resulting in well-meaning remarks that may offend, or finding it hard to know what is "acceptable". The unwritten rules of social behavior that mystify so many with AS have been termed the "hidden curriculum".[13] People with AS must learn these social skills intellectually rather than intuitively.[14]

Non-autistics are able to gather information about other people's cognitive and emotional states based on clues gleaned from the environment and other people's facial expression and body language, but, in this respect, people with AS are impaired; this is sometimes called mind-blindness.[15][16]

A person with AS may have trouble understanding the emotions of other people: the messages that are conveyed by facial expression, eye contact and body language are often missed. They also might have trouble showing empathy with other people. Thus, people with AS might be seen as egotistical, selfish or uncaring. In most cases, these are unfair labels because affected people are neurologically unable to understand other people's emotional states. They are usually shocked, upset and remorseful when told that their actions are hurtful or inappropriate. It is clear that people with AS do not lack emotions. The concrete nature of emotional attachments they might have (i.e., to objects rather than to people), however, often seems curious or can even be a cause of concern to people who do not share their perspective.[17]

Failing to show affection—or not doing so in conventional ways—does not necessarily mean that people with AS do not feel it. Understanding this can lead partners or care-givers to feel less rejected and to be more understanding. Increased understanding can also come from learning about AS and any comorbid disorders.[18] Sometimes, the opposite problem occurs; the person with AS is unusually affectionate to significant others and misses or misinterprets signals from the other partner, causing the partner stress.[19]

[edit] Speech and language differences

People with AS typically have a highly pedantic way of speaking, using a far more formal register of language than appropriate for a context. A five-year-old child with this condition may regularly speak in language that could easily have come from a university textbook, especially concerning his or her special area of interest.[20]

Literal interpretation is another common, but not universal hallmark of this condition. Attwood gives the example of a girl with AS who answered the telephone one day and was asked, "Is Paul there?" Although the Paul in question was in the house, he was not in the room with her, so after looking around to ascertain this, she simply said "no" and hung up. The person on the other end had to call back and explain to her that he meant for her to find him and get him to pick up the telephone.[21]

Individuals with AS may use words idiosyncratically, including new coinages and unusual juxtapositions. This can develop into a rare gift for humor (especially puns, wordplay, doggerel and satire). A potential source of humor is the eventual realization that their literal interpretations can be used to amuse others. Some are so proficient at written language as to qualify as hyperlexic. Tony Attwood refers to a particular child's skill at inventing expressions, e.g., "tidying down" (the opposite of tidying up) or "broken" (when referring to a baby brother who cannot walk or talk).[22]

Children with AS may show advanced abilities for their age in language, reading, mathematics, spatial skills, or music, sometimes into the 'gifted' range, but these talents may be counterbalanced by appreciable delays in the development of other cognitive functions.[23] Some other typical behaviors are echolalia, the repetition or echoing of verbal utterances made by another person, and palilalia, the repetition of one's own words.[24]

A 2003 study investigated the written language of children and youth with AS. They were compared to neurotypical peers in a standardized test of written language skills and legibility of handwriting. In written language skills, no significant differences were found between standardized scores of both groups; however, in hand-writing skills, the AS participants produced significantly fewer legible letters and words than the neurotypical group. Another analysis of written samples found that people with AS appear to be able to write quantitatively similarly to their neurotypical peers using grammatical rules, but have difficulty in producing qualitative writing.[25]

Tony Attwood states that a teacher may spend considerable time interpreting and correcting an AS child's indecipherable scrawl. The child is also aware of the poor quality of his or her handwriting and may be reluctant to engage in activities that involve extensive writing. Unfortunately for some children and adults, high school teachers and prospective employers may consider the neatness of handwriting as a measure of intelligence and personality. The child may require assessment by an occupational therapist and remedial exercises, but modern technology can help minimize this problem. A parent or teacher aide could also act as the child's scribe or proofreader to ensure the legibility of the child's written answers or homework.[26]

[edit] Narrow, intense interests

AS can involve an intense and obsessive level of focus on things of interest. For example, one person might be obsessed with 1950s professional wrestling, another with national anthems of African dictatorships, and another with building models out of matchsticks. Particularly common interests are: means of transport (e.g., trains), computers, foreign languages, mathematics, science fiction, fantasy, astronomy, geography, history,and dinosaurs. Note that many of these are normal interests in ordinary children; the difference in children with AS is the unusual intensity of their interest.[27] Repetitive interests in children and adults with autism are more often in the domain of "folk physics" (how things work) and less often in the domain of "folk psychology" (how people work), suggesting that obsessions are not content free.[28]

Sometimes these interests are lifelong; in other cases, they change at unpredictable intervals. In either case, there are normally one or two interests at any given time. In pursuit of these interests, people with AS often manifest extremely sophisticated reasoning, an almost obsessive focus, and a remarkably good memory for trivial facts (occasionally even eidetic memory).[3][29] Hans Asperger called his young patients "little professors" because he thought his patients had as comprehensive and nuanced an understanding of their field of interest as university professors.[30]

Some clinicians do not entirely agree with this description. For example, Wing and Gillberg both argue that, in children with AS, these areas of intense interest typically involve more rote memorization than real understanding,[3] despite occasional appearances to the contrary. Such a limitation is an artifact of the diagnostic criteria, even under Gillberg's criteria, however.[9]

People with AS may have little patience for things outside these narrow interests. In school, they may be perceived as highly intelligent underachievers or overachievers, clearly capable of outperforming their peers in their field of interest, yet persistently unmotivated to do regular homework assignments (sometimes even in their areas of interest). Others may be hypermotivated to outperform peers in school. The combination of social problems and intense interests can lead to unusual behavior, such as greeting a stranger by launching into a lengthy monologue about a special interest rather than introducing oneself in the socially-accepted way. However, in many cases adults can outgrow this impatience and lack of motivation and develop more tolerance to new activities and meeting new people.[23]

[edit] Other differences

Those affected by AS may show a range of other sensory, developmental, and physiological anomalies. Children with AS may evidence a slight delay in the development of fine motor skills. In some cases, people with AS may have an odd way of walking, and may display compulsive finger, hand, arm or leg movements,[31] including tics and stims.[32][33]

In general, orderly things appeal to people with AS. Some researchers mention the imposition of rigid routines (on self or others) as a criterion for diagnosing this condition. It appears that changes to their routines cause inordinate levels of anxiety for some people with this condition.[34]

Some people with AS experience varying degrees of sensory overload and are extremely sensitive to touch, smells, sounds, tastes, and sights. They may prefer soft clothing, familiar scents, or certain foods. Some may even be pathologically sensitive to loud noises (as some people with AS have hyperacusis), strong smells, or dislike being touched; for example, certain children with AS exhibit a strong dislike of having their head touched or their hair disturbed while others like to be touched but dislike loud noises. Sensory overload may exacerbate problems faced by such children at school, where levels of noise in the classroom can become intolerable for them.[31] Some are unable to block out certain repetitive stimuli, such as the constant ticking of a clock. Whereas most children stop registering this sound after a short time and can hear it only if they consciously attend to it, a child with AS can become distracted, agitated, or even (in cases where the child has problems with regulating emotions such as anger) aggressive if the sound persists.[35] A study of parent measures of child temperament found that children with autism were rated as presenting with more extreme scores than typically-developing children.

Typically, high-functioning females are diagnosed later than boys. I recommend books by Temple Grandin and Oliver Sacks. Ms. Grandin is a high functioning Asperger's person who writes really interesting books which discuss what it's like to be autistic and try to function in the real world. Oliver Sacks is a psychologist who writes interesting, informative books that touch on a variety of psychological patients.

Good luck. Cheers, K