okay-first I know what you all would think... you're in an abusive relationship, GET OUT! Yeah, it's not that easY! I am feeling depressed and helpless, maybe this is where he wants me to be.. he tells me to get out of his life one day, then he loves and hugs me another day, I get all these mixed up and crazy signals... that I don't know what to do, when I do love him. I just don't have the strength to get up and move on with my own life... I will be living life in a strugge & i am scared!... He is my husband! and he is a good provider for me, but I am feeling horrible about myself...
He is not physical anymore since I reported him , but now he is mentally abusing me... which is just as bad. Help me build strength with good solid advice! I have nothing litterally if I don't have him is how I am feeling right now... when I know there are other men out there that would never be this way to a woman!
2006-11-20 06:35:28 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You have to find strength in yourself to move on from this. If you haven't left him already then nothing anyone here says to you is going to make a difference. You have to make a choice!! I wish I could help you or give you strength, however, strength comes from within.
2006-11-20 06:39:31 · answer #1 · answered by Premo Mom 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If he was not already my husband, I would think you were talking about him. And yes I left him 2 months ago and should have done it years ago. First of all... a bruise will go away when he slaps you around but the words cut to your soul. You can stay until there is nothing left but an empty shell and then all others after him will have to pay the price. Your smile will fade and so will your life. It is easy for people to sit and type for you to leave, but after years of the abuse you feel like no one else will want you. Yet the longer you stay the less there is of you. Do some soul searching and when you decide that you deserve better, you will have your own answer to your questions. Just remember... It is easier to be alone by yourself than you be alone with him in the room.
2006-11-20 06:45:16 · answer #2 · answered by S Groover 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
What a tough situation you're in! Congratulations on working to get out of it.
Try this technique: pretend you're talking to your daughter, mother or best friend and they're telling you all the things that *their* husband is doing to them, how they're feeling, etc.
What advice do you give them?
By removing yourself and your husband in this experiment, you'll be able to get a more objective view of the impact his behavior is having on your life. By tailoring your (theoretical) advice to someone you love, you'll ensure that the solutions you present to yourself are both realistic and compassionate.
There's a very good chance that you'll need some real on-the-ground help. Mental and emotional abuse can be far more long-lasting than physical, so please don't wait to find the support you need. Check the yellow pages under abuse or women's centers. If all else fails, try calling your doctor's office or your county medical clinic for a referral to an agency that will assist you.
You're not alone. Don't give up hope. Believe that you deserve better. My thoughts are with you.
2006-11-20 06:44:45 · answer #3 · answered by Wonderland 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You may not want to hear get out,but that is the best thing for you to do.He is counting on the fact that the beatings have made you so afraid to leave.What the hell do you mean your nothing without him?You were something before you met him,and you will be something after you leave him.It doesn't matter whether you reported him,the mental and verbal abuse is just as bad.But the physical abuse is not over.You have to make up your mind and get the f**k out of there.Starting over is not as bad as you may think.
2006-11-20 12:59:58 · answer #4 · answered by Willnotlietoyou 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should ask your self if your love him.
A man will do what ever you let him do. If you still love him you need to find a way to show him how horrible he makes you feel and put a stop to his verbal abuse. I agree it is just as bad.
If you no longer love him then the nbest thing to do is to leave him. It's true that there are allot of men out there but it's hard to find a man you will love & that will love you back. Reg of the choice of men you make you will always have to put up with something. There is no such thing as a perfect person so don't expect a perfect man.
Good luck
2006-11-20 07:00:36 · answer #5 · answered by castillo5247 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was in a abusive relationship with my now ex-husband. I felt the same way you do. Yes I'm struggling,my credit went from perfect to very bad. I wouldn't have it no other way. This man abused me from the time I was 16 years old (he was my high school sweet heart)until I was 32. I divorced him . It will get no better so quit waiting on him to change. It only gets worse. He has tried everything in his power to get me back ,but I will never go back. I have a boyfriend now that loves me for who I am and that's all I wanted. I know you feel like a failure and It seems so bad at the moment but It gets better. I went from have anything I wanted and beating along with everything I want and it was not worth It. So now I have nothing but a boyfriend that loves me and thats enough for me. Get out before its to late. If he has hits you once he will do it again. They never change. Good Luck
2006-11-20 06:59:55 · answer #6 · answered by theresa kay 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Emotional/mental abuse is actually worse than physical. Bruises heal faster than emotional scars. Yes...He has you right where he wants. Just putting a roof over your head doesn't qualify him to as being a good provider, you have emotional needs too that need to be provided for.
You DESERVE better. There is definitely someone out there that WANTS you to be happy. All you have to do is take that first step.
Call WEAVE. Women Escaping A Violent Environment. They can help with the first steps.
Do you have a friend that you can go stay with?
2006-11-20 06:43:14 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to hear about this. It IS that easy to leave. If you don't have friends or family that you can go to, call up the numerous domestic abuse hotlines and talk to a counselor. He is not "physical" now, but he will be again. Maybe not a wekk or a month from now, but it will happen again, just as it always has.
You have to be strong and get yourself out of that situation. If you have kids, do it for them.
2006-11-20 06:39:55 · answer #8 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't want the answer of "get out", so what's it going to take for you to understand that you deserve better? There's nothing anyone can tell you to make you feel better. You've got to decide that you have value and that real love doesn't hit, doesn't abuse verbally, doesn't make you dependent. Real love builds your inner strength, makes you feel like you can handle anything that comes your way.
What you have with this man is not real love.
2006-11-20 06:38:25 · answer #9 · answered by Royalhinney 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is something going on in your husband. Either he has a mistress or he is just confused. Now dont pack and go just yet but you need to confirm one thing. Temporarily, go to your parents together with your children if you have them for a few days. While you leave tell him you are leaving him. See if he comes for you after a short while or not. Currently he knows you cannot leave him so he can behave any way he wants. If you syddenly leave then the truth will dawn on him. Now if he doesnt come for you, beware its done between you. You may be clinging onto a board of a boat that sank yesterday. Dont sit and hope, take action
2006-11-20 06:43:52 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋