HEY GUYS - is foreplay dead?

Question

I have tried to entice my husband with flavored lube, body paint, handcuffs and other toys - but he is still a Wham Bam Thank You Mam kind of guy.... any hope for foreplay?

Answer 1

I am a male 38 yrs old. I absolutely believe foreplay is not only a must-have but believe it is an integral part of being intimate.

I used to be impatient but over the years learned to be more patient and listening. It always helps to communicate what you enjoy, what you really desire. It doesn't hurt to smile and whisper and tell him what you'd like him to do to you. Tell him how much you love to be aroused. Tell him how much you enjoy being teased. What that can do is - slow things down a bit. He probably wouldn't be so focused on inserting and exploding in 30 seconds flat.

Also, sometimes what you might think are turn-ons - like flavored lubes or body paints or handcuffs - may actually be turn-offs for him. He may not be able to express his feelings as much. If he's like me - he might be turned on more when you are absolutely yourself and natural.

Try this if you haven't already --- Tell him "I actually dreamt you were doing this to me ....." and describe to him what you desire. Maybe even tease him in the exact way you'd want to be teased and played with. That usually helps a lot. And nothing like asking him "honey, can you please tease me this way?".

I am sure there isn't much of an after-play between the two of your either. That's another important thing in intimacy. Just to continue being playful and touch and kiss each other well after we're done - is the most wonderful experience.

But first things first - indulge him in foreplay. Hopefully, he'll pretty soon begin loving it ...... he'll engage in after-play too !!!!

Answer 2

1

Answer 3

Could some of it be fear over the last 40 years? In the 1970s, Erica Jong popularised the concept of the feminist Zipless F*** - the "wham bam thankyou ma'am" idea modelled after the sterotypical Male Chauvinist Pig. Basically the pump and dump model.

Men adapted..

Then Dworkin/Mackinnon/Daly etc effectively demonised male sexuality... this upped by the Take Back the Night stuff.. and again...

Meaning the only model out there is the vultures - everyone else dove into the bunkers.

Feminism is now going all neoVictorian now WTF???!!!

Answer 4

Sounds like you're on the right track, but foreplay is about more than just toys. He might not be into that sort of thing. You need to seek out things that spark mutual romance and connection. Try setting the mood...make dinner together, take a shower or bath together beforehand, purchase a massage book and oils. Make the evening about more than just the sex, and prolong it as long as you can. Slow him down, and use other types of stimulation, but don't allow him to enter you until you're ready. Don't remove all your clothing. Take it one article at a time, and see how he takes to that.

Answer 5

I am like him. For many men when it is time for sex passion takes over, controls your actions. Your reasoning goes out of the window. You are not thinking logically about how to the spend the next 30-45 minutes pleasureable. That sort of logical thought process will kill the passion completely.

For some men, the passion might be associated with extended touching and foreplay. Obviously their parteners are lucky. But I do think many men are gentically wired to make love like the big cats in the jungle do.

Answer 6

Your husband obviously doesn't understand how pleasurable it can be for *him* to bring his partner slowly to an orgasm (or multiple ones). Boy, is he missing out. I wish I could give you some magic formula for getting him more interested in foreplay, but I don't know one -- I had to learn it "the hard way" too, but one especially good partner was able to show me how good it can be for both, and since then I've enjoyed every minute of foreplay :) You're going to have to *teach and show* him rather than just try to "entice" him...good luck.

Answer 7

Guys generally don't do clues, hints or enticements. You're going to have to lay it out straight -- tell him you need to be warmed up before the main event. Tell him HOW. It may change from time to time, so let him know "the special of the day" -- if you're sore in one spot, or irritated in another, or just realy feel like you'd enjoy it if he did something in particular, let him know. Do it gently, and with encouragement, but let him know.

Then, let him know you're enjoying it once he's started. For me, I find it an INCREDIBLE turn-on to know I'm giving my wife some of the pleasure that I get out of being with her. Knowing she's enjoying me is a real bonus for me, and makes me want to keep pleasing her all the more.

Now, having done that, you may find it useful to reward him when he exhibits the correct behavior -- I'll leave you to decide just how. I'm sure you can think of something he likes you to do for him (in fact, I'm sure that what I'M thinking of is what HE would think of, too, if you asked him...) And of course, eventually he will learn that foreplay for you equals added excitement for him. Because while guys do'nt do hints or clues, we CAN be trained, like seals or killer whales, with consistent positive reinforcement.

What *I* can't figure out is why more guys don't LOVE foreplay. For me, it's like here I am, in the presence of an actual naked woman, and she WANTS me to stroke, squeeze, kiss, nibble, lick, fondle and otherwise play with all her most intimate, secret girlie bits, and I don't even have to keep slapping dollar bills on the bar -- what's not to like about it? :-)

Answer 8

Well i wouldn't normally say this... But it's very hard to find a woman like you who is so willing to experiment. Your husband needs a kick in the a**. So you should hold out on sex until he realizes what he has. Then talk terms

Answer 9

He is being selfish babe.. Sit him down and tell him how this makes you feel as a wife.. that is pure wrong it is about pleasing both of you not just one... Please do not continue to enable him being selfish.. I am sorry you are having to deal with this.. my husband doesn't do it everytime. but he does the majority of the time.. i have had men who do it everytime as well.. tell him how you feel and see if he changes.. if not I would try counseling.. sexual intimacy is a must in a marriage.. good luck sweetie :)

Answer 10

In a lot of ways the anticipation can increase the pleasure.

I for one love foreplay!!!