Follow up to I'm numb...What do i say to our children?

Question

There's more (sorry). Yes, I am depressed. I am on 4 different kind of meds. My husband wants to change, begs, pleads, etc. But i feel like it's too late. I am exhausted in trying for the past 5 years. Numb, depressed, and liking another guy who is a total sweetheart to me. My HB does not know about the other guy. The other guy and I have been in contact for about 2 months (never thought it would come to this, was not looking). My HB and I are going to our first marriage counseling tonight. I am also seeing my own therapist. HB cries to me and says "how can you leave me?; I can't live with out you; how can you do this to our children?" I love my girls with all my hear, and soul. But I am numb towards my HB. How am I ever going to get out of my marriage, without feeling horrible?" I used to be happy, I used to laugh, now I lay on the floor and cry. I just WANT TO BE HAPPY AGAIN. Am I being selfish? What do I say to our children?

Answer 1

...you do realize that YOU have sabataged things by getting emotionally involved elsewhere. You are being dishonest in your so called effort to attempt to fix things if you've already given your heart to another. What a selfish generation we belong to. Put your kids first and try to keep their family intact. Its so easy to just run away from your problems. So yes you are being selfish and you will feel horrible. At least you realize it now before you split up your family.

All the best, I don't mean to be unsypathetic, as you do seem to honestly be struggling with it. Depression is no easy cross to bear either. The first step you need to take it to cut the other man out of the picture and see what you can do to save your family. Make today a new day and a fresh start. Begin your new life with your family today.

(Find something inspirational to help you along, whether is be the Bible or one of the classic self-help standards by Norman Vincent Peale or Dale or Dorothy Carnegie -- or maybe one of the "Chicken Soup" series if its more your style)

Answer 2

If your not happy then nobody can change that except you. Now as I see this situation you are numb when around your husband. Ok then you are doing the right thing by going to a marriage counselor thats a plus. OK as for the other man it is best to drop this relationship until you can fully decide what is best for you and your childern. Right now you have alot of things that you need to work out the first being what is really best for your childern. What you think and feel is irrelevent. The day you brought those kids into this world changed your priorties and you have got to get back to them. first things first. Yes you are being selfish and making mistakes along the way. You had an affair this only complicates the whole situation. You want to run away instead of being a grown up and acting accordingly. You say you love your girls then stop acting childish and get back to the real world. Put their best interests first ---not your own!Look marriage is hard work it doesn't come easy no matter how good it really started off. Your married now and it is time to either grow up or shut up because no matter what you decide to do it is your childern who will pay the price for your not being grown up enough to hold on for the full load. Theres planty of nice guys out there and you should have thought about this before having childern not 5 years into the marriage now you have to think about what is more important your happiness or your childerns happiness. Tell the guy to get lost and work on saving your marriage you owe this much to your childern.

Answer 3

Better to move on than it is to remain in a miserable state, no matter how hard it is. You will feel more horrible if you don't do anything. You're not going to live like this forever, are you? You tell the kids that sometimes things don't always work out for moms and dads, but it has nothing to do with them. They will be better off living in a happy home with one parent than an unhappy home with both parents in a bad relationship. Kids are a lot more perceptive than you think, so they will understand and adapt. You are not being selfish. While it takes two, he hasn't done his part to make this work. You don't need to feel like the bad guy here. It is what it is, so now your job is to just make it better. Besides dumping the counselor, also dump the meds if you can. Life is hard enough without payed advice on top of being medicated.

and to suggest that prayer or the bible are a part of your solution, why dilute an already confusing predicament with the judgments and opinions of a biased perspective? As soon as you hear the word God or Bible, beware of another agenda. Sound cynical, well maybe we should ask Ted Haggard for his guidance on this issue, eh? You know what to do, you just need to do it.

Answer 4

Give the counseling a shot before you do something you may regret. Of course that other guy seems amazing, it is all new, but eventually newness wears off. He will eventually stop impressing you. Your children deserve to know that you have given your marriage every chance and not just run out without trying. Give counseling a try, for your families sake, then if you feel the same, move on with a clear concise that you have put forth every effort. Also, you need to stop things with this other guy so that you can put forth 100% effort towards your marriage without the outside distraction.

Answer 5

before you run off with some guy you've known for 2 months, assuming the grass is greener (of course he treats you like gold, you don't have to pick up his socks, cook him dinner or do his laundry)

Your husband sounds like he genuinely cares about you.

#1 - go to marriage counseling, give it a try for a WHILE. Forget about this other guy... take counseling seriously.

#2 - stay on your MEDS. it sounds to me like you are STILL in the fog of depression and you need to give your therapies time to start WORKING. PLEASE DO NOT MAKE ANY LIFE ALTERING DECISIONS WHILE STILL IN THE CLOUD OF DEPRESSION

Answer 6

If you're not happy then your kids will learn to understand. It is hard at first, but we learn to deal with it. Just tell them as easily as possible and don't make them feel like they have to pick between parents. Good luck!