I am numb, and have no feelings towards my husband. I love him, but not in love. He knows how i feel. HELP!?

Question

I have been married for 5 yrs. My HB and I have 2 girls, ages 4 1/2 and 2 1/2. HB is a wonderful father & good man. Thing is, for the past 5 yrs I have been alone. He is the head high school fb coach and a teacher. He's very busy. When we did have time together, i felt like he ignored me.We had 1 hr in the morn. before the girls got up to talk. I begged him to turn the radio off, he never did. When we would go somewhere, I would beg him to sit with me, he was always busy with someone else. Never wants to take me or the girls anywhere. Never tells me I am pretty/beautiful/cute. Just says "you look nice."I want to be cute. He told me on the phone the other day that a girl was cute (she was standing beside him). We are at a skating party, i said "look at our daughter talking to that little boy, they are going to get married and have beautiful kids." He said, "her mom and I could have beautiful kids." Meanwhile, I found someone(not looking)whom treats me wonderful. Im in counseling.

Answer 1

Sounds like your husband should go to counseling with you. Try and ask him if he'd go to marriage counseling with you. It might just save your marriage.

Answer 2

It is unpresidented that your hb treats you this way. You need to sit with him alone without any distractions and open up your heart/open up your mouth and talk. First write down all the positives of your marriage and the negatives of your marriage. Secondly write down the thing that have been affecting you negatively in the past couple of years.Go to him and express this to him.Don't be to fast to react to his response take it all in bit by bit. If he doesn't respond how you might or would expect some one who loves you, then you let him know that it is a sign of disrespect. He is disrepecting you to your face and by you have no reaction to it , he is continually going to do it.( Especially in the case of telling you that the little boy's mom and him will make pretty babies). This could be a case of him making a joke but if you feel offended then speak up. It is mostly him dominating the relationship.He feels that he can do what he wants because you don't do anything(he doesn't take you seriously). Why is it that you are in counseling and he isn't there with you. This is not only a problem from your veiw but a problem on his part too.
He is in a position where he thinks that you aren't going to go anywhere because he feels that you can't do better than him. Or find someone who is as financially stable and stable career wise.
There could some self confidence issues going on with you that you need to deal with. Your going to have to learn that a man can not define who you are or who you will become. You need to tell yourself that you are beautful and made in God's image. Don't let someone else have to tell you how wonderfully caring you are, how great a mother you are,how dynamic you are for holding a household together with your husband not being around as often as you want him to be.I know it feels good to be acknowledged sometimes but you are going to have to wait a long time for some one to do so. when you can acknowledge yourself.

Answer 3

When there are kids involved there is no easy answer. To the second poster who said, "Looks like it's time for divorce" I say...."your obviously NOT married or you ARE divorced!

Now, to help you. I went through a very similiar situation with my husband after around the same length of time being married.

The truth is that when you say "I love you, but I'm not 'In Love' with you" what your really saying is "I love you, but I'm not excited about you"

It's very likely that you both have gotten caught up in being a mom and dad and taking care of your careers and you have stopped putting REAL effort into your relationship. Unfortunately though, you cannot do one thing to fix your husbands behavior. BUT, you can do everything about the way you look at your marriage and the way you go about trying to fix it.

What I did was to pray (I'm not overly religious BTW) that God would help me love my husband beyond what my flesh was capable of and to be the wife I was supposed to be in order to bring my passion back.

One thing to also remember is that the "LOVE" you feel when you fall in love is not necessarily REAL. It's called infatuation and lust. Once you move beyond that form of love you move into the love that comes from shared experience and overcoming trials. That is the kind of love that perservere's.

if you leave your husband for a new infatuation....once that phase has worn off, you'll be right back where you are now. The best thing to do is to recall why you fell in love to begin with and see past and through all of the crap life throws at you and see that man again......

you can IM me on messenger. brookebjpl is my IM profile.

There is hope...

Blessings and Peace this Holdiay Season

Answer 4

It sounds like your relationship isn't going anywhere. Are you going to live the rest of your life like this? I wouldn't. Time to find true happiness and bring the girls with you. He can go make beautiful kids with some other MILF, or go jump in a lake, as long as he makes his support payments. My feeling...the counselor, although possibly a decent person who would try to help, has their agenda too. They will drain your pocket book, but not solve your problem.

Careful of the self-proclaimed experts...who would flatter themselves to be the next Dr. Phil...quite amusing. Another 'life coach looking for customers?'

Your husband hasn't supported you over the years. Time has run out and you are done, so it's past the try and try again stage. It's not a matter of fault, or guilt. It is simply a matter of reality.

Answer 5

You're emotionally neglected and he doesn't seem to care. If this can't be corrected, you have to decide whether you want to spend your life with a wonderful father and good man who totally ignores you, or take your chances at finding someone who wants to spend time, and know, you. It's not an easy choice, and I'd say that you should continue with the counselling for awhile before you make that decision.

Good luck.

Answer 6

You need to tell him how you feel, either he agrees to work on changing or get a divorce! You can't spend your life unhappy, it's not good for you or your girls. There are so many wonderful, sweet, deserving men out there. Do it now while you're still young! I got a divorce 3 years ago and my daughter and I could not be happier.

Answer 7

Tell him uh-huh and you think child support payments are more beautiful than any more kids he could father. Dump him, he thinks way too much of himself and needs to be taken down a peg or 2 or 9 or 30.

Answer 8

there have been some very knowledgeable answers sent to you. and some stupid ones. after a 6 year stretch of this type of madness, i started to have an affair with a girl that just treated me good. when the wife caught on she was livid. we now have a loving and caring relationship. the wife still talks to me but her attitude has changed. because i know she realizes her mistake. and now she is all alone.

Answer 9

I think that u to are so into working and everything else that you too forgot that u were married. If the two of you are looking at other people u two have a problem.

Answer 10

so sad, did it kill u? there's 2 things u can do: (1) if u don't feel welcome anymore what do u do? leave i hope, save yourself while u can. (2) b/c u are married and vowed through thick and thin, rich and poor that u would uphold that promise to your husband. u can try your best to work things out by talking to him let him know what's on your mind.
if all fails, be a playa and don't get played.