For those of you who live alone: Has it ever happened that a relative or friend said to you something like....

Question

...."But you only have yourself to take care of."

If so, what went through your mind and how did you respond? Thank you for your input.

This has happened to me on several occasions, generally after I have made some remark to the effect that I don't have enough time or energy or enough time or energy to do this, that or the other or to keep up with all the demands of daily living. The remark always comes from someone who is not alone and hasn't been for so long they forget what it was like. I generally just shut up, figuring there is no way I could ever make them understand what is really involved.

Answer 1

I've had the related idea - "Because you don't have any kids," or "because your sister has kids."

Mind you, this started when I WAS a kid (my sister is more than 10 years older than I am). We trekked long miles to her house for holidays because SHE had kids and they wanted to be home for (Easter, Christmas, etc.). Whereas I was a kid, and wanted to stay home - which was never an option.

It continues now - people make the assumption I don't take care of anyone but myself, because I don't have kids (where I do have a husband, dogs, friends, family, and do charity work).

What goes through my mind? Depends on the person saying it, and why. I may think anything from "it's not worth getting into" to "please kiss my rump." If it's someone with a functioning brain, I explain calmly and politely that I have a lot of responsibilities - just not that particular one (kids).

If it's a boor, I let it slide - so there are pigs in the mud, why tussle with 'em? All you get is muddy and frustrated, and the pig doesn't learn a thing.

Face it, there will always be people who try to validate their own choices by questioning you for making different choices. Some you can talk to, some it's best to just shrug it off. I recently endured a loooong lecture from a woman I'd just met at a party, who had much to say on the subject of my childlessness. Nothing was going to deter her, no change of subject allowed (she did all of the talking). Her opinions were endless (and somewhat insulting).

Eventually, I just excused myself, went to the restroom, then came back and went elsewhere, got up another conversation, and avoided getting trapped in her monologue web.

If it's being used as a reason to get you to do something you don't want to, no explanation is needed. "No" is a complete sentence, if you put a period at the end of it.

If it's an unsolicited comment on the value and validity of the way you live your life, a simple, "You're entitled to your opinion, of course," is fine (or a simple, baffled, "I can't believe you said that" stare, followed by a change of subject). Don't get pulled into a debate about your life - if you're basically responsible, courteous, kind, and making a positive difference in the world around you, you have nothing to apologize for. Happy Thanksgiving!

Answer 2

I had that experience once, and told the person that yes, I have only myself to take care of, and I have to do the best job possible in doing that, be it spending a little more on moisturizers, watching my diet, being a little more picky on who I date, being more observant when I drive, or anything else that demands my time and efforts. I did the best job I could being picky about everything, and it all worked out for the best. I did not go overboard on the "pickiness" but I used my brain, made intellectual, rational decisions, and I also let people know very quickly that I stood my ground when I gave an answer to that kind of question. I never was treated any differently after that.

Answer 3

I live alone and people have said that to me. It is usually while discussing some aspect of finances. I think, " yea, I only have myself to care for and if I get sick, or something breaks in my house, how the heck will I pay the bills. I think if I die tomorrow who will know and who will pay. I think living alone isn't all it's cracked up to be"

Answer 4

That's annoying....I guess my response would depend on what led up to the comment.

I usually hear this type of comment associated with children. In those cases, my response is that I shouldn't be penalized for thinking before breeding and shouldn't be held responsible for people who did the opposite.

Answer 5

I always think a man comes alone and goes alone and hence should think, act and behave as if alone. Not to think of others.

Answer 6

what went through my mind was the color red! i always tell them that i also don't have anyone to help me when i need it most! that usually shuts them up!

Answer 7

i've never lived alone. but, if someone had, i'd probably be thinking something along the lines of.....oh...."kiss my *ss."

Answer 8

I would ask them if they were bragging or complaining

Answer 9

It is a mean question. I don't know how would i answer.