Am I normal or unhappy?

Question

I have been married for 6 years and with my husand for 8. We dated for two months and I got pregnant, I am starting to think I just made everything work because that was the right thing to do, now I think I might have settled. He is a good man but I don't have the passion I think I should have with someone. We are secure and he treats me good I am just not happy and don't know why. We also have a two year old now. Am I normal or unhappy?

I am 30 and he is 28. The thought of being on my own is scary, I like being with him but not being with him, ya know what I mean. I don't think I could support myself

Answer 1

A lot of us are so happy to feel validated by the acceptance of another that we go through with a marriage, even though we haven't discovered who we really are or what makes us truly happy. Now that there is water under the bridge and life becomes more complicated, you realize that maybe you've missed out on what your life could have been otherwise. All this is normal, which can also make us unhappy. You are still a person with the freedom to choose. If it isn't working and need to experience your independence, then that is what you need to do. If you're unsure, then some view an affair or a 3-way to be a good compromise, but to just sit and stew probably isn't going to bring you anything new or wonderful.

Answer 2

I am a male 38 years old. I don't know if my perspective helps much but I'll give you mine.

What we seek in a relationship changes over time. The characteristics of a good relationship when you were 22 (at the time you met your husband) might have been very different from what you believe those are now. Naturally, your expectations have morphed over the years. That's a perspective we all need have when we discuss a subject such as this.

You probably are beginning to second guess if this was the right path for you - meeting him, getting pregnant early in the relationship, marrying him, etc. One common reason women find is - they don't get enough. I don't mean this just sexually. Intimacy and passion are far beyond physical sex. When you begin to miss out on that passion and intimacy, and just don't feel as "wanted" and "desired", it's only natural for you to feel the way you do.

We all at every point in our lives make choices. We make compromises in life. We make those choices and compromises based on a decent balance of desires, wants, and needs. Given the information in front of us, we make those decisions. And more importantly take responsibility and live by the decisions we've made.

There are moments of truth when we are forced to make radically different decisions. You need to objectively look at both the positives and the negatives in a marriage, see how those weigh overall, and decide on what is right for you.

Yes you are normal. And yes, you may be unhappy. Certainly you aren't alone when it comes to these challenges in life. I for one, can relate to how you feel. Cheer up.

Answer 3

i often wonder this.... sometimes i don't have a fire and excitement about my life either, and wonder if i have just placed too high of expectations on myself, and too much stock in my emotions.
i think it is very possible that you could have settled in an effort to do the right thing... i think that happens every day to hundreds of people, but the truth is that you made a vow to love him no matter what and to be together through thick and thin... and being that i am not a fan of divorce just cuz the going gets tough, i think it would be best for you to suck it up and make your own happiness. focus on your children and yourself, and wait it out... give it a few more trys before you give in to the unhappiness. if all else fails, make sure you keep open communication with your husband about it. i am sure that he doesn't want you to feel this way, and would do anything he could to keep you around and happy.
good luck
♥

Answer 4

you are normal. but something should be done before you sink further into desperation. does he still have that passionate drive when he is alone with you? if not, re-ignite that spark. send your child to a relative for the weekend... when your husband returns home from work, or where ever he may be, be waiting in the bedroom. have the covers pulled up over you just high enough to conceal a sexy nighty.. or nothing at all. he should quickly get the hint. but don't let him act on it right away. tease him. taunt him. tickle the backs of his calves. nibble his thighs. maybe have some of his favorite fruit handy. (hopefully he likes fresh berries). feed them to him, allowing a finger to slip between his lips as you give him a piece of the fruit. with luck, he will be so riled, he won't realize juice is running from the corners of his mouth. that would be your cue to lick it off. (this section omitted in case of mature readers) afterward, a hot shower... or bath, if physique permits...

now... if the lack of passion is all you, then what you should do is try some self gratification techniques. try very hard not to bring yourself to full orgasm... just bring it to the very edge... hold it... take a breath... and continue. after a while, you won't be able to resist him when he bends over to get the plunger!!

I wish you the very best of luck, and hope things improve for you.

Answer 5

Well, passion always starts to fade after a few years. If you are not happy (as you claimed you aren't happy in the second to last sentence); then no, you are not 100% happy. Obviously, there is something bothering you. My guess would be that there is something you want to be honest about, but you just can'ts eem to tell that to your husband. Maybe the two of you should go away for a romantic weekend....? It'd give the two of you a chance to bond, to talk, and maybe to rekindle some of the old passion.

Answer 6

I think it's normal at a certain point to ask "What the heck have I gotten myself into?" Every married person does it sooner or later.

You may be wondering when the "magical romance" part kicks in. That rarely happens outside of movies. Most of us settle, some of us fall madly in love with the person we settled for.

You don't sound miserable, you just sound like you're not as happy as you may have expected to be. See if you can have passion about the man you settled for is my advice.

Answer 7

You probably normal and unhappy, for a lot of people this is the same. Talk to him about it. Try this- Get yourself a babysitter one night. Dress up and go to a bar. Arrange for your man to come in and predend he does'nt know you and "pick you up". Then take him back to a hotel room, like its the first time you've slept with him. This a sugestion, why not make something up for yourselve, have a think about it.

Answer 8

You sound like you're just stuck in a rut. Busy with work and the baby, and bored with your love life. See if you can't get a sitter once a week and go out and have a good time. Do something fun together....you are in a rut of feeling old and every day is just blah. Spice it up! And good luck.

Answer 9

You are very normal. However, the grass isn't always greener little Missy. Marriage is something you both have to work at. Have either of you tried to do anything different. Do you go out with friends, do you have a date night or is it the same old thing?

Don't be a statistic on the bad side....work out you doldrums.

Answer 10

unhappy. Try getting some counseling to see what the reasons are that you feel this way about your husband. Maybe you are going through a mid life thing? Dont know how old you are. Regardless, I would see someone.