We have lived together for 2 years, and I want to get married. I have been married before and have 3 daughters from that marriage. He has never been married and has no children. We have never really had a fight over anything substantial and always seem to get along well. He is very supportive in the raising of the girls, and in my attending school. I love him, but want to get married for security reasons and to show my daughters a positive marriage relationship...HELP me to understand why it's so important to him that we don't get married? He says he wants me to stay forever...confused!
2006-11-20 03:53:47 · 9 answers · asked by biology_nerd_76 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
OK, because of the negative responses, I realized that I forgot to mention that my boyfriend loves me and y children. Although, I wouldn't have thought it necessary to add this tidbit of information there seem to be some people out there that needed clarification. His parents had a VERY bad divorce, and I know that's part of his reasoning. Wow, men can be very bitter about women with children who are divorced. Who knew?
2006-11-20 06:38:44 · update #1
ALas, one more thing...when I say supports me while I go to school...I do not mean monetarily...I work and help pay bills, I am not a freeloader.
2006-11-20 07:03:11 · update #2
Some people get it through their head that divorces are actually CAUSED by marriage... So, their reasoning is, if we don't get married, we'll never have to get divorced, and everyone will be happy. It is true that, statistically, nearly half of all marriages in the US end in divorce. However, I think it is foolish to assume that the statistics are somehow different for ANY relationship (whether married or not) - it is simply easier to track actual recorded marriages, but not unmarried partnerships. I don't believe that marriage makes or breaks a relationship. The emotional effects of a break-up are just as devastating on the unmarried couples in long-term relationships as they are on the married ones. True, if a couple is not married, there's less possibility of the whole thing turning into a huge legal battle - I think, the legal nightmare is one of the main turn-offs as far as legal marriage goes. But marriage also brings a lot of benefits, and makes life easier for the couple. So, it's just the matter of whether or not the trade-off seems worthy to an individual. It seems worthy to you - but obviously not to your b/f.
If he's so dead-set against marriage, unfortunately there isn't much you can do about it. Either accept it, and continue the relationship the way it is now - or start thinking about looking for a person who is not afraid of marrying you. If you hang around this guy hoping he will change his mind "someday" - I'm afraid you will be in the same position several years from now, except your opportunity of going out and finding someone else will be much more limited by then.
2006-11-20 04:26:11 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Why don't you try going away together. Sometimes the problems that you are having with each other occur because you don't have enough time for each other and everyday life gets in the way. Also a lot of times people use their boyfriend or girlfriend as a pin cushion and take all of their problems out on them. If you went away it would just be the two of you and all of your other problems in life wouldn't get in the way.
2016-05-21 22:31:10 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
His reasons for not marrying you aren't really the issue, because there could be 20 small reasons, 2 big ones, 6 medium ones, 8 subconscious ones, etc.. The issue is he says he won't marry you and you want to get married. It's time for you to make a decision: marriage or him.
2006-11-20 04:00:15 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think that maybe he is afraid of commitment. Maybe he is afraid you will leave him or just the thought of a divorce scares the crap out of him. it could be alot of things that scare him about marriage. You need to talk to him and reassure him that nothing will change from the way it is now . and explain to him that this is for security purposes like how you will not get any benefits if he dies and you two are not married. you and the girls would have a very hard time making it with out a 2nd salary coming in. good luck and god bless and happy thanksgiving.
2006-11-20 04:00:37 · answer #4 · answered by Kate T. 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
First off ,Divorced and 3 daughters, Feel lucky you've got a guy.Secondly, to you it's security, to him it's a huge potential liability. ***Have you told him you will sign a pre-nup with whatever conditions he wishes***. If not he stands to loose 1/2 or more of his net worth ,FOR WHAT? to set a good example for someone elses kids.Marriage is a great thing for women but in a divorce men get screwed.Do a reality check, put yourself in his position. If you really feel you need to marry offer to sign a pre-nup, I myself would not marry someone already divorced who has another mans children. *P.S. you should respect him for being smart enough to know better*
2006-11-20 04:39:46 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
He's not stupid. If you have a good thing ,don't blow it.In addition to what he is already doing for you,you now want him to legally obligate himself to care for you and some other guys offspring,only a FOOL would do such a thing. What's in it for him? Do him a favor and let him go! You sound like a very selfish woman only concerned about your "Security" and what is good for you. I feel quite strongly ,he is making the wise decision.If you are lucky you won't chase him off, if he is lucky you will.(ADDENDUM) The pre-nup is a great idea additionally I think you should let him see the answers to your question, don't you?
2006-11-20 06:25:48 · answer #6 · answered by Hammer 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I think if you offered to pay for and agree to a prenuptial agreement in which you would receive no child support, no alimony ,have no claim to his personal property and agree to compensate him for his supporting you and your children while you get your education, he just might go for it?Otherwise I'd agree that marriage to you would not be in his best interest.
2006-11-20 06:55:35 · answer #7 · answered by foxyraley 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
do you really want to get married if he doesn't? Think about what you want the most.If its a positive marital relationship, both parties want to get married.
2006-11-20 06:23:10 · answer #8 · answered by BB'sMom 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
he doesn't want to lose half his sh$@.
2006-11-20 03:59:56 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 2⤋