My heart is heavy after an affair was done to me and my son . . . I have filed for divorce & I want to move on in life, but I have some deep emotional scars that need healing....BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW!
2006-11-20 03:45:18 · 14 answers · asked by ? 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
time and prayer. Sometimes there are things inside us that no one knows how to touch like God can
It's a good thing you realize this, that you can't just jump into the next thing so quickly when hurt like this.
2006-11-20 03:47:07 · answer #1 · answered by carlaerickson 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are thousands of couples who are able to heal & restore their marriage after an affair. Their marraiges are stronger, their committment doesn't waiver and their children benefit from the strong moral values they have been taught by watching their family stick together through good and bad.
It's my opinion, running away from our loved ones shortcomings and failures does not give the most positive role model for our children.
I would recommend going to http://www.rejoiceministries.org to get more information on how to get through this with complete victory for your family.
Also, getting into the bible to read up on marriage & divorce would be beneficial. Write down the scriptures that jump off the page and meditate on them.
Stay in prayer with God while you walk through the healing of your broken soul. I'm guessing, like me, there are hidden feelings from your past that need to be dealt with before any relationship would work.
There is an escape clause people use when reading the bible that has been misinterpreted and it should be cleared up.When it mentions you are given permission by Moses to divorce because of adultery. The real definition of that word in their day was if on your wedding night you found out the woman you married was not a virgin.
Divorce was approved by Moses not God only if the wife was not a virgin. Actually, divorce was also a word they used if an engagement was cancelled. So, as you see, we use it in a very different way today. Which is very unfortunate.
Values, kids and the future are being affected by decisions we make today.
I pray you find it in your heart to begin forgiving your wife and that you seek out the Lord for your responsibility in all of this.
2006-11-20 12:06:51 · answer #2 · answered by karaborr 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know how long it's been since your divorce, but you're going to have to give yourself time to heal. It won't go away completely, but it will make things easier. Moving on with life can be as easy or as hard as you make it. If you sit at home & constantly dwell on what's happened, then it will take a really long time to get over it, if at all. Plus you'd only be doing yourself more harm than good. So.. get out of the house, besides work, & take in the sights! Begin a hobby, take a ride to the country or to the city, depending on where you live. There are far more fish in the ocean to revel in, but you have to get out of your own fish bowl to see them. Exercise helps too. If you don't allready, go walking through the park with your son... or get a membership at a good gym. Sometimes they have basketball courts or raquetball courts you can use. Exercise helps to alleviate stress & allows a safe way to release aggressions. In doing these things, you'll come to realize who YOU are & that you are worth all the efforts you put into yourself. Before you know it, you'll bump into someone that will see you & appreciate you for who you are & treat you well. :)
2006-11-20 11:59:37 · answer #3 · answered by its_me_horses 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there are a lot of women in the same boat as you. (I hope that the courts will let you move on with your life, as they often don't you get to keep paying and paying one way or the other for a relationship that you just want to be out of)(my husband was emotionally and verbally and financially abused by his former common-law 'thing' for 25 years, the courts will not let him get on with his life, he worked two full time jobs for years just to stay away from her(and it was never enough money to keep her happy)they lived in a dump but the courts base how much support he has pay on what he used to make. His freedom has been taken away as he still has to pay this enormous amount of money and does not have the freedom to live life as he pleases...therefore she still has the control and is still abusing him...just in another form) BUT he says that at least he's happy, for the first time in a lot of years. So I hope you have better luck than he had.
Give yourself some time. Find yourself and your joy again.
It can be done.
Cry, scream, let it out....when I was going through my rough patch(lasted 15 years through several very bad relationships) I wrote out my feelings alot. That helped ALOT.
Good luck to you.
2006-11-20 12:07:12 · answer #4 · answered by kardea 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should wait until after you heal before bringing someone else into your life. Take some time first. It's not fair to involve someone before you are ready. It will end badly. You say you want to move on, but it's obvious you are not ready. Just take it slowly, healing takes time. You will eventually be ready, but for now focus on fixing your broken heart and on your son. Best of luck.
2006-11-20 12:26:18 · answer #5 · answered by Lotus 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It takes time... Many people go through rough times in relationships, but most of them recover and find happiness again. It won't happen overnight, but it WILL get better. Focus on things that are important - your son, extended family, friends. Don't be afraid to open up to people and seek their support - true friends will be there for you; you will probably find that many of them can relate to you and feel your pain because they had gone through a traumatic experience at some time in their lives. Good luck!
2006-11-20 12:02:17 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No women wants that But there are women out there that have been through the same thing join a group and let others tell you their experiences and you share your it helps you and other people in the same situation...Good Luck and try not to carry your heartbreak into your next relationship...
2006-11-20 11:56:02 · answer #7 · answered by troble # one? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I take it you are a man. But either way, you need to focus on your son and yourself. Don't jump head-first into another relationship, give it time. Be emotionally there for your child. Seek couseling if you feel you need it, and you might, and maybe your son does as well. Good luck and God bless! :)
2006-11-20 11:53:10 · answer #8 · answered by metallicachic82 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It depends on the woman. I personally would prefer a guy with baggage to one that was likely to run all over me. But it might be time for you to be on your own for a while before you jump back into a relationship with someone else.
2006-11-20 11:47:55 · answer #9 · answered by francesfarmer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to come to terms with what has been done to you, but also, you need to realize that just because your husband was an a**, that doesn't mean that the next person will be. Put down the baggage that you carry with you.
2006-11-20 11:48:12 · answer #10 · answered by Royalhinney 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋