Possible Husband Abandonment?

Question

My husband recently got a job offer making six figures in his home town. The company was willing to pay $20,000 in relocation. But his work history for the past 4 years is unstable. He has lost 7 jobs since 2002 in the range of $70,000-90,000 mainly due to showing up late and excessive absences. He even lost 1 for using the corporate credit card for personal use. So I told him that my son and I would join him later because I wanted to make sure that this job would last before I move and give up a my stable job. After receiving the relo money, I can only account for $5000 spent. After 2 weeks, he was broke, but nothing to show for it. He paid the movers with a bad check and said when he got his first paycheck, he would settle the balance. I received phone calls from family that he had not been going to work consistently or on time. On Nov 2, he was fired and blamed it on me calling his work number too much. The moving co is about to auction our stuff and he wont talk to me.

We will be married 14 years in March 2007. I still love him and know I should hate him, but I want to do something to help him which is why I have started therapy last week. I think it could possibly be drugs or something because sex has severely decreased and he had a real big problem with staying up for days at a time without sleep on the computer in our basement before he started this job. Also, he thought our basement was infested with fleas and ticks 2 months before he left even though I nor my son have never seen anything or had any symptoms of itching. Yet he saw insects jumping on his skin and scalp. My sister-in-law recently told me that he told her that when my son and I came to visit 2 weeks ago, that we must have brought "them" back because he almost got rid of "them" and now he is itching again. She says he showers 2-3 times a day, uses lice treatment shampoo during each shower, and finishes each shower with Off or some type of insect repellent.

Answer 1

think he has a drug problem, and honestly lucky u kept your job and didn't put too much credibility into the move. u may love him but staying with him will only bring u down also where he is. he won't talk to u because he don't want to be accountable, and he doesn't want help, or changes. he will keep doing the same things, and he is putting your credit in jeprody.this kind of man will always blame others and never take responsibility for any of his actions. there is nothing u can do to make it any different, if u stay with him your hurting yourself, and your son. get out now before it gets even worse. he can't be trusted or helped until he is willing to come clean with whatever it is that's causing this. it is a pattern of behavior with him, loosing job's, not being responsible with money, he will destroy you. u still have your son and your job, be happy for what u do have. odviously his marriage and job's are not really a priority.

Answer 2

His head certainly isn't in the right place at all. He doesn't appear to have any self control, nor accepts responsiblity for his actions. He really needs therapy. Starting over is hard to do, & in your situation you were right to stay put. If the stuff the moving company has are things you can do without for the time being, then just let it go, & begin your life over without your husband. He has some major issues he needs to work out, & if he's not willing to talk to you, then let him stew in his own pile. I would file for divorce & state he abandoned you & your child. What he has done & is doing now is not indicative of an adult, but rather a teenager with no morals, values or responsibility, & that is something you don't need when raising a child.

Answer 3

It's not abandonment b/c it hasn't been 1-3 years since you seen or heard from him.

I think in a case like yours, it would be a breath of fresh air if he did abandon you. Why would you want a man like this in your life anyway? Love might have something to do with it. But its obvious he's not doing anything for your family.

Also, he might be trying to turn the situation around on you. If he knows that you are going to yell and scream at him for losing his job, his best option would be to make it seem as if you are the reason he has no job. Really though, you should never call your partner numberous amounts of times at work, when they are starting a new job.

Answer 4

He is trying to Bluff you into returning, don't listen to him. File for Divorce and STOP all communication with him! If there are any marital assets that were purchased during your time together then they should be divided equally, but do not be unreasonable or vengeful. He has NO Grounds for an Abandonment charge, so forget that. Think of your child first and foremost, his safety and well being is the Most Important thing.

Answer 5

well it could be what my best friend had. Gambling and drug abuse problems. He lost his house, wife, and family along the way got another women on the side pregent. Do too the stress of hiding the problems from family and friends. But make it sure talk to his friends. When people have problems they all ways find someone to talk about it. The secerts that his carrying could be scarying from talking to you and worse from his family. May you try to gather friends and family and have a pow wow with him. With me it took two days to dry him from gambling his life away. Having to set with my friend for those two days was ugly fightening him and listening to him cry why he was doing it. In all after taken to meeting and AAA it worked but only a while. Because, after he noticed family and friends around were now leaving him. He returned to his bad ways. I can only say this is hard to see love ones go bad and even tear us apart. When they see that they are doing no wrong. May you and love ones be safe and the road ahead will be hard..

Answer 6

FIrst I am so sorry for you but now you have to take charge - contact a lawyer and see if you can have them contact the moving company to secure your stuff - Then take it one step at a time - You have obviously had problem swith your husband before in this nature or you wouldn't have hesitated the move and thank god you didn't. You have to be the grown up and the provider for your son. Sounds like husband needs to grown up and you may have to give him an ultimatum for him to do so. Just remember he may not react the way you want him to and you'll have to live with that Good luck.

Answer 7

Dear God. You have better reasons than abandonment to divorce this guy. Cut and RUN is my vote. He has to have some kind of major issues to go through 20,000$ in 2 weeks. That's just mind bending. Short of a serious drug problem and gambling, it's hard to imagine where 20,000$ went that cannot be accounted for. Please go see a divorce attorney or mediator to get some advice and direction as to what your legal rights are regarding this situation.

Answer 8

cut your losses, keep your stable job and kick him to the curb.
The only way I would stay with this guy is I had full control of the money, or maybe if he wants to go for serious couple counseling. He sounds like a big baby.

Answer 9

This boy doesn't sound like a real man or a husband. I would say leave him, find a man who's grown up, and move on with your life. No need to let an immature guy turn your life into hell.

Answer 10

Wow. Does he have a gambling problem? You need to stay where you are. There definitely are things he is into that will get him in more trouble than he thinks. And could get you hurt to. Walk away from him. Good luck to you.