Jobless for half a year...?

Question

I am having problems with my husband because he's been jobless for half a year already. I wouldn't be this upset if I saw that he's putting effort into looking for a job, but he hasn't. It's been half a year already, and I want to quit my job, too, but I can't because then how would I pay the bills? I do Data Entry and my hands are already killing me. If I saw him get up early and take a look at the newspaper for jobs, then I would understand...but all he does is sleep in and play his PlayStation videogames. It's driving me mad and it's killing my admiration for him. Any advice on this situation? I'm thinking about giving him a "scare"...which I wish I didn't have to do, but it looks like the only alternative right now.

Okay, some people have been saying that I come off as lazy too and that apparently, I don't want to work: I have tendonitis which is very painful, and I would like to start changing jobs...I am looking for other opportunities, too.
And there's someone there who said that I'm pathetic because I made the decision to get married...well that person just sounds bitter.
I love him, but I don't like him right now...right now.
I won't flee at the first marriage problem I see, but I do need to give him a good scare (meaning, leave him for a while) for him to open his eyes..

For people who have asked if I have actually sat down and talked with him, sorry for not providing this information before but the answer is yes. I have. I have talked with him each way possible. I've tried to be nice and loving, I've tried being firm...it's just taking a toll on me. He knows that I want him to look for a job, but as many people have suggested here, the longer he doesn't work, the lazier he gets. It's tough.

Answer 1

He may be depressed because of being out of a job. Maybe he could to to counseling. If this is too expensive, can he talk to someone at your church, etc.

Could you help him put together a schedule for each weekday? He would then have a structure to follow and be able to accomplish more each day. He could spend 3 hours looking for a job and then take 1 hour to play some games or take a break and then spend some time talking to recruiters, etc.

Answer 2

I don't know about giving him a scare, but I know that you have to hide, or destroy that play station, and make sure that some of those video games start to disappear. The fact that he's not even making an effort to look for a job is just not fair or you.

Have you actually sat down and talked to him about this because if you haven't I think that it's about time that you should. You could help him and circle jobs that you think he should apply for but if he's not even willing to try then that just isn't on.

I don't know what you mean by trying to scare him, but for a start, stop doing thing for him, like his washing, ironing cooking, shopping etc. Say to him well if you are going to be at home all day then start doing things around the house, pull your fingers out and do something to help me and to help yourself otherwise I don't think that this relationship will last. Tell him that your wage along is not enough to cover all the bills and that both will have to make cuts backs. Unless he goes out and gets a job

Answer 3

Frustation is going to build up to the point that you are going to say and do something that you might regret. You have to give him an ultimatum.....You have two weeks to get a job and start doing something with yourself or you can move back in to your parents house. Because if you are not going to help out around here then there's no need for you to be here. I love you but i'm hating you right now. Get off your *** and get your act together.

You can even tell him that you are taking a break from work. That you will go back to work when he does. Stop giving him money. If there is food in the house, then there is no need for him to have money. Where is he going if he doesn't have a job or an interview? nowhere.

If you end up divorcing him, the next time around marry someone with a college degree.

Answer 4

It might be that your husband is depressed. It's time for you to give him some options to either get help for him or get out and find a job, any job. If you have insurance through your work, check to see if your husband would be covered under some counseling program. If he refuses to go to counseling, you will have to resort to something more drastic. When you leave for work, take the controls for Playstation with you and the remote control for the TV as well. That will get him going.

Answer 5

It is surprising how quickly people get used to not having a job. He needs you to snap him out of it - I don't think it will occur to him on his own. The longer he goes the less he will want to work. You may have to jab his pride a little bit. Comparing him to another man that works may get him off his butt. Like comparing him to a friend's husband that is holding down a job. Or simply telling him that you are losing respect for him because you feel he is taking advantage of you. Good luck.

Answer 6

Sometimes it takes a scare. "You need to find a job because it is too difficult for me to support both of us on my own."

Show him the math. Figure out what you make a month, then subtract your car insurance, car payment if applicable, rent/mortgage, electric, water, etc. Then subtract things like food, gas, and whatever other expenses you have. Show him how much is left over, and that this money can't go forever to support him because you want to save to buy a house if you don't already own one, you want to save for retirement, if you want kids, you want to put them through college, etc.

You have to lay it down. It's not unfair or mean or otherwise unacceptable for you to expect him to work, regardless of WHERE you live. Expenses should be shared, and you both should have your own "slush fund" or "rainy day fund" or "emergency fund", however you want to call it. How they should be shared, after he gets a job, is another matter entirely. My boyfriend and I find working out how much more he makes than I make, then for example he makes a little bit more than me so he pays a little bit more for rent and electric, etc. That way we both have equitable income, and it really makes life easier.

Edit--
As you have already talked to him, stop supporting him. Stop putting gas in his car unless he is going to a job interview. Don't pay his car insurance. If he has credit cards in only his name, don't pay them down. (This is slightly dangerous as any debt incurred while married, in most situations, will affect both of your credit scores, regardless of the name on the card) Stop buying foods only he eats (And if your husband is anything like my boyfriend, there's quite a few of those). Pay the rent, the electric, water, etc, that's it, and put your additional money in an account that he doesn't know about. Any time he asks for money say "Sorry, I don't have any to spare. I have bills that need to be paid."

I do NOT recommend removing/hiding the playstation and video games. This is likely going to cause a big blow out, which quite frankly, you don't need right now because you already have enough stress on your shoulders. Completely removing your monetary support is going to get the point across much better than hiding/selling a material item. Once his bills start coming around, he's going to panic, and he's going to have to get a job to meet his financial obligations.

Answer 7

I know the feeling my boyfriend has been off work for the past 4 months, we have had more problems in our relationship because he just has too much time on his hands that he has become crazy. you don't want to push him to get another job because sometimes they feel like your making decisions for them but you may want to encourage him to look in certain places for jobs or look for jobs and say I came across a job opening i think you might like...but don't demand him to get a job because he may resent that more.

Answer 8

Yeah give him a good scare that'll make him get of his butt and look for a job. Maybe hes depressed and doesnt feel like looking for a job talk to him first and if that doesnt help then yeah your gonna have to scare him. God bless and good luck!

Answer 9

You need to lay down the law and tell him he must accept a job no matter what it is and bring some money into the household. Give his playstation away.

Answer 10

You two are perfect for each other. Neither one of you wants to work ?? And are you just as lazy as he is ? You just come off as being jealous more than anything else. Grow up. None of us want to work. It's just a fact of life.