Opinion on cheating wife?

Question

I married my wife and vowed unconditional love for her.
She has had an affair and I still love her dearly and I dont want to lose her. To me sex is sex. Love is different. I can, and have forgiven her, because I love her no matter what her faults. I feel that is unconditional love. Am I wrong? Whats your opinion?

Answer 1

No one can tell you if you are right or wrong! You've got to decide if you'll be able to forgive her and not let it eat you alive for the rest of your life.

Good luck!

Answer 2

After 10 years of marriage I found out two years ago my husband cheated. You are absolutely right - sex is sex - and love is love. The question is: If she truly loved YOU, would she hurt you in that way?

The good news is that as much as you want to think about this (day and night I'm sure) there are only three options you have:

1. Leave
2. Stay
3. Do Nothing

I propose that do nothing is not an option. If you stay you need to attach conditions.

1. You need to get counseling. Even if you go 3 times - just do it. There is a reason she cheated and you need to understand why.

2. She can NEVER speak to the individual she cheated with you again. Period. No phone calls, text messages, emails, etc...

3. She needs to recommit to your marriage and promise to be faithful.

If she can't, or won't do all three you need to leave. If she does promise and she breaks any of those three committments, you HAVE to leave. Marriage is for a lifetime (or so we hope), if you are married to someone who believes it is ok to hurt you without regard - you will regret not leaving when you had the chance.

Also, if you haven't have children yet. DON'T until you sort this out. Take the pain you are feeling and multiply it by 1000 - that's how it feels to contimplate breaking up a family.

PS: Except for the one blip we had - life is good. So you can come out the other side and have a great life together.

Answer 3

You are not wrong, but you are wrong if you told her that. It's one thing to make a fuss out of it and forgive her, but if she knows now that her love for you will be unconditional no matter what, then be careful. Once a cheater always a cheater. Would she have forgiven you if you were in her shoes? Probably not. You never let a woman know more than they are supposed to. You should've fought with her just a little bit, so if there is a next time she knows that you two are done. If you accept it, you are allowing it. If you are allowing it, then she will continue to do b/c she knows you won't leave her.

Answer 4

You have to live with the decision. Of course, do you even get to decide? Is she still with the other man.

It's been my experience, having go through the same thing, that when a woman has an affair, she is done with you.

For most men, you are right, sex is just sex. For most women, there has to be a deep emotional bond for that sex to occur. In fact, with respect to women, emotional affairs lure them out of marriage more than physical affairs.

So if she is willing, I'd certain let her know that she has a two strike count, and that if this occurs again, she is out. That's a fair boundary you can and probably should set.

However, you have some work to do too. What was/is she missing that drove her to another man. People don't do these things in a vaccum. There was something she wanted that she thought she could get from this guy.

You need to find out, have her spell it out. If she can't, then keep asking the question until she can figure out how to answer it.

It does no good for her to simply say, "I don't know" or "If you loved me, you would know." She may not know. If that is the case, then offer to work with her to figure it out, but for your relationship to work, she has to be able to put it in terms you both understand.

Vague, misty references are of little help to you, concrete examples are what you are looking for.

If she is unwilling or unable to do this because she has a picture of romance that includes you just knowing exactly what to do, then cut her from the team, because she will do it again.

Answer 5

No you are not wrong for having unconditional love for her but you need to ask yourself some very important questions. Has you asked for your forgiveness? Did you tell you why she decided to step out of your relationship and pursue what the two of you are supposed to share monogamously? How long have the two of you been married?

I think that it is good that you have forgiven her because not many people would. Marriage counseling would not be a bad idea either.

Answer 6

Well first off thank you for your service. Your buddy is an Ahole for telling you about this while you're deployed in my opinion. To answer your question though, No you're not being blind you're being a husband that trusts his wife, just because the rumor mill at some office was they were fooling around doesnt mean its true at all. Unless your buddy has actual proof then take your wifes word for it. Statitics say 21% of women cheat on their husbands that means 79% dont

Answer 7

No, of course its not wrong. Marriage can survive an affair, and many do. It takes work, but it can be done. It shows that you truly love her, take your vows seriously, and are a forgiving man. And forgiveness is an important part of marriage. The question isn't what everyone on Yahoo feels about it, the question is what do you and your wife feel about it?

Answer 8

You are not wrong. You went into your marriage with all the truth of what a marriage is suppose to be - your wife on the other hand thought differently. If you can live with what she has done, there is no reason not to stay and try to make the marriage work. BUT if she is not going to continue to be faithful to you, she doesn't deserve you or your love. That only you can choose to live with. I wish you all the best, you sound like you deserve much happiness God Bless!

Answer 9

Its not wrong. If thats how you feel. Some people might disagree but if thats how you feel thats how you feel- theres no such thing as a wrong feeling... its not an action.
Question to ask yourself... does she love you? Don't you deserve someone who loves you unconditionally and wouldn't cheat on you? And while you might love her, WHY DID SHE CHEAT? What was not in the relationship you two have that she needed?
If you truly love her, don't just simply put this behind you, work to fix it so you know it won't happen again.

Answer 10

Sexoutside of marriage is just that sex..Sex inside of marriage is one of the many acts of love between two people. If she has asked for forgiveness and you have given it than yes,you have shown unconditional love. You are not wrong you are just showing forgiveness.

Answer 11

You are a good man for forgiving her but cheaters tend to repeat their behavior once the guilt has worn off and temptation surfaces again. They don't always, but they tend to. Just keep that in mind. Also keep in mind that unconditional love does not mean you have to let others disrespect you or treat you poorly. It doesn't mean you have to accept everything about them without regard to yourself.