Should I try to hang in there or break it off?

Question

I've know my partner for 6 years and we met through mutual friends. We became intimate about two years after eventhough we each were with someone. 3 years later, I became pregnant and had our now three year old daughter. He was rarely in our daughter's life during her first year. When our daughter turned one, he moved out of his house and a few months later moved in with me and our daughter and we've been together ever since. Everytime we get in to an argument about his ex, I feel he gets really defensive and the argument is more than it should be. I think he still is trying to get his ex to forgive him and that's why he allows her to get away with the things she does. He has regular visitation with his children and what she puts him through and he takes really frustrates me. The only time he opens up to me about the situation is when I ask him questions. Do I end our relationship as it has been two years since he left so he could decide where he wants to be or hang in there?

Answer 1

You should know that women are evil, especially women who have kids with a man that is not in their life. Do you love your man? Does he love you? Does he treat you right?

Really you shouldn't bring up his ex unless he does. If he wanted to speak to you about it, he would bring it up. You need to understand that it's obvious that she still has feelings for him & most likely single. A woman with kids from a man, who is not with her, will always be miserable until a) they get back together or b) she finds someone. I'm pretty sure if there was ever a time that she was in a relationship, she wasn't annoying him. As a mother, you should know that its tough being on your own. After all, you did take him back after he wasn't apart of your lives. You shouldn't get involved. It's not your argument. He has an obligation and that obligation is his kids. Of course, your argument escalates because he doesn't want to hear anything negative you have to say.

The real question is Where do you want to be? Do you love him and are willing to accept his flaws? Or do you leave him? Are you willing to settle for the bullshit? As far as I can see, you will always have to deal with his bull crap until your child is an adult.

Answer 2

You reap what you sow. I would stick with it. I'm not sure how either of you can really have a real relationship but, for the kid's sake, please prove me wrong. You cheated on the people you were with, had a child out of wedlock, he left his wife for you - and you expect his ex to just be your best bud? Get real. She probably has morals - something neither of you do. You should put up with her s--- and kiss her @$$ as much, if not more, than he does. He probably still loves his ex, regrets what he put her through, and is only with you because of the child obligation. His relationship had no chance at all because of what you (both) did. You were just dessert on the side and now he has to live with you as the main course. He will probably always wonder about what could have been (had he kept it in his pants).

Answer 3

Even though you both entered this relationship in "not the best" circumstances, that's the past and you both have a child together. I would recommend trying to fix this relationship for your sake and your child's sake. Some men would put up with anything in order to spend time with their kids. You gotta give him credit for that at least. Don't make any decisions based on speculation or what you think. Go to couple's counseling and try to salvage this relationship. If after going to counseling you see that things do not change then make your decision.

Try to calm down and not argue about the ex. It's not worth it. Again, go to counseling (with your partner) and then make your decision. Good luck.

Answer 4

Why to talk about the ex at home? My ex is my past, but not everything was bad if we dot divorced it was because we didn't want to keep going our lives without couples love,S o my actual wife has nothing to talk about her, not good either bad. Your husband has children with her, if you got used to the exercise of talking bad about your husband's ex, may be in the front of them you may do the same mistake, then you won't be talking bad just against your husband's ex, but the mother of his children and they won't like that and if that happens you'll miss the opportunity of having a good relationship with them. Don't talk nothing about your husband's ex even if he brings the theme. Respect her for what she is, the mother of your husband's children. Talk to him straight up and ask him, face him with your doubts. Perhaps, remember that your relationship born from cheating and because of that both of you will always feel insecure with each other because any of you could think that if "he/she cheated with me to his husband/her wife may be he'll/she'll does the same to me." The 2 of you most mature that relation.

Answer 5

I think that you should end the relationship with him. It seems like he is just stringing you along from what you said.

Put yourself and your child first and then you will get the correct answer.

Answer 6

And what have we learned about boning someone that was already in a relationship with someone else?

Answer 7

break it off it is not worth all the fussing and fighting going on. he needs to be by himself to find out what he really wants. good luck and god bless and happy thanksgiving.