My 8yr old lies, manipulates and is disrespectful, I have tried everything I can think of to stop, any ideas?

Question

I have tried a reward system w/points, she looked me in the face and told me she didn't care if she got the points. I will ask her to do her chores (like put away her clean clothes) and she will lie strait to my face and tell me she did it-then I find them right back in her hamper. I have tried schedules w/rewards for completing it and no t.v. or computer if she doesn't. I have talked, yelled, asked her why, put her on restriction (which is hard because her Dad won't pay attention and doen't enforce it if I am not around) even flicked her and spanked her when she has been extremely disrespectful to me. Although I am her "step-mom", I hav been since she was 4-her own mom sees her maybe 2 a month. I am worried that she will 1-grow up and be manipulative, dishonest, lazy & unhappy woman that no one likes or 2-she will begin to influence her 1 1/2 yr old sister. She refuses to be accountable, it's always someone else's fault. I would like her to learn to be responsible and honest...HELP?

Answer 1

talk it out and if he doesn't listen beat his ***

Answer 2

You need Dad's participation in this or you will get no where. You need to talk with him and get him actively involved. I would also suggest that you take her to counseling for her anger. It may not be a bad idea for some family participation at some point. In my non-professional opinion, it sounds like she is having some issues.

My ex and I had different discipline styles. I would put restrictions in place and when I wasn't around, Dad didn't enforce them. My children learned this at an early age and knew every button to push for Dad. When we got divorced, he had such a hard time trying to get them to listen. I didn't because they knew I wasn't going back on punishment. It has gotten better but he still caves and now I am getting the mouthy, disrespectful talk that they give their Dad. I have to put my foot down with it and put the restrictions in place quickly to try and stop it. My daughter is 12 and still seems to have issues with the divorce so she is going to see someone on her issues and anger. We will all go as the doctor wants us to. My son is 15 and is learning the hard way some of the reasons I had to make the choice to leave. It is hard to watch that but he talks to me and at least I know that he is getting a balance.

Good luck and hang in there.

Answer 3

I think you are fighting a three person battle on your own and that is ****!!! You seem like the only one who really cares about this girls future!! Dont give up it is important to have structure and diciplin and some day if you figure out what gets her she will learn to respect you and herself. First of all you need to have a serious talk with your hubby! He should be helping even when you are not home. If he doesnt he is ignorant and I would wonder what kind of a father figure he is going to be to your little one. Second of all you need to find out what you can use that will really make her think twice. There is always something!! Then take it away untill she can prove herself to you. Might be something you wouldnt think of! Tough love is the best way to go if you ask me or she just might grow to be a diceatfull little B****!

Answer 4

Well I know when I was 8 years old and was disrespectful to my mother, I was beat. But not to the point of abuse. Just to the point where I knew who was in charge. And it worked. It sounds like her father needs to be more of the enforcer so maybe you should have a talk with him and let him know you really need his support. You seem to have tried everything in the book but just be firm with her and let her know who's boss. And don't do the reward system. She should know that as a child she is supposed to do what you tell her. Find out something she really enjoys and when she is disobedient take it away. Or when she acts out ignore her. Sometimes its just a cry for attention.

Answer 5

Kids eh? who would have em? you shouldn't be doing this alone Hun, in any relationship it takes two to bring up a child. I am speaking from personnel experience. if your partner refuses to enforce your rules then he is really to blame for this child's behavior. Children are very good at spotting threats when it comes to discipline. sadly Hun you cannot be a threat while he isn't showing a united front. the child Knows full well that the punishments ( whatever they are) will end as soon as you are not on the scene. Talk to her father explain to him that he either stands with you and backs you 100% or that you will refuse to, do anything for him or his child. you are being dumped on and it is time to fight back. It really isn't going to be easy. when my daughter tried this with me. i used all the things you have suggested, until one day when my daughter was throwing a tantrum i simply said OK no more stereo and threw it out of the window. she stopped dead! this happened a few more times and out went the computer some of her favorite clothes. and her bicycle. she eventually got the idea that her mother had no say in my unpredictable yet very direct and rapid punishments. i will say i was given some very odd looks, but my daughter began to realize that she was loosing things she loves. better those replaceable things that cant love back than a loving doting parent. don't you think?

Answer 6

I know it sounds cliche, but I think you need family counseling. She's a little young to be so rebellious, so there is probably an underlying reason that she is behaving this way. My nonprofessional guess would be that is has something to do with her absent mother and probably some jealousy of her baby sister. From what you said, her father doesn't seem all that involved either, but it's important to gain control of the situation now, before it's too late. Seek out a professional.

Answer 7

Pull the plug on the tv and the computer and don't let her use them at all. Don't threaten follow through with what you say. Tell her if she continues to disrespect you you will not respect her in return. 8 year old is alot smarter than people give them credit for and if your husband doesn't stand by you its only going to get worse you need to make him hear you. Y isn't she with her mother. Maybe that is y she is so angry. She feels her mother doesn't want her and she is taking out all her anger on you because she can. maybe some outside therapy for her will help.

Answer 8

I had the same problems, but not to this extreme. I purchased a book that helped A LOT. It was "The Explosive Child" by a Doctor Ross Greene. It helped me alot and helped my two boys. I hope this helps you. A child psychologist also suggested that I try Omega 3 (get the fruit chew ones ). Omega 3 helps to stabilize childrens moods. Good luck and take care.

Answer 9

Sounds like she is acting out because of the not seeing her real mother maybe like she would want to. I think she needs counseling or needs some friends or something. This one is hard. Go online and try and search for options. Really does sound like she is acting out.

Good Luck!

Answer 10

Until she learns to show respect there would be no doing anything that she enjoys. Her punishment would consist of doing her homework and going straight to her room no outside playing no tv,music, computer, i mean absolutely nothing. And you need to talk to her dad about not sticking to her punishment because as long as she knows she can get away with it as soon as your gone she'll never break those bad habits.

Answer 11

Get her into councelling asap! She might be bi polar. Being sick aside however... She needs to be confronted EVERY TIME SHE LIES... If she lies about the smallest thing, Punish her. NO TV, NO FRIENDS, NO games... If you ask her to do chores, CHECK them. It only takes a second and if she hasnt done them yet, start taking away the things she loves. Whatever they are... Figure it out.