My brother and I are products of a 7 yr. affair.My mom and dad were both married with childeren.The relationship ended when my dads wife figured it out. My mom was really hurt because he always told her he was going to leave his wife and never did.He started to deni that we were his and fought paternity. Needless to say it was proven and he had to pay support. My mother had a lean on thier house because he wasnt paying for half of our births. Years went by and we never met him. When I turned 18 he tried to contact me and I ignored it. Then when I was 20 he asked my cusin to ask my mom if she would take lean off.He wanted to sell his house. She said hell no.Then when I turned 24 he tried to meet us agian and my brother and I finally agreed.It felt like I knew him my whole life!!He gave my brother and I $700 each and told us not to tell anyone. I found out later that he owed my mom $1400. He sold his house! w/o moms sig. he really tries to be fam. now but I ques. motives!!!
2006-11-20 01:57:50 · 12 answers · asked by runzwsizorz 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He's a cad and a user, and has betrayed every member of your family separately. He just sounds like a charmer who uses his people skills to get what he wants. Charming people are the most dangerous people in the world because they can manipulate you even if you're a smart person.
Whenever you feel tempted to give in to his 'fatherly' requests, just keep in mind all your mother went through. Your mum made mistakes too, but at least she's the responsible one who's struggled to bring you and your bro up.
'Returning' the $700x2 sounds very sly, as if he's preparing to be able to say to your mum "But I did return the money".
There's a chance he may be sincere, but open your eyes wide and don't trust him that easily - he needs to EARN that trust. And don't do anything that will upset or disappoint your poor mum.
2006-11-20 02:11:22 · answer #1 · answered by Andromeda_Carina 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry that you had to go through all this when you were young. It can be pretty traumatic, especially in one's formative years. I would say that your dad has not exactly been the paragon of honesty since the beginning. For seven years, he had an affair and had promised your mother to leave his wife and failed to do that. Then, he started denial which I am sure would be due to pressure of keeping his marriage intact, but failed at that too. And then giving your brother and you $700 each when he owed your mother $1400 is really undermining. I am sure that your feeling of knowing him well and a sort of connection would be a kind of act too. Selling the house without your mother's signature could also speak of his scruples. In such circumstances, anyone would question his motives to become close now and you should! Then has not been any particular case where you can cut a bit of slack. maybe he needs a place to move in now and so is trying to be close to you all. But be strong and don't succumb to emotional blackmail at any time since that is the worst thing that can happen. Your father thinks that you people are vulnerable right now. It is time to prove him wrong and show how strong and tightknit you all are.
2006-11-20 10:08:08 · answer #2 · answered by l_kur 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are in the middle of a very sticky problem but, the argument is between your parents. I say get to know your dad. He may have not been a good one until now but he may have had reasons. I think he may deserve at least a chance to explain himself. You don't have to accept gifts, or to give anything. I would even go so far as to suggest that you don't. At least for now. Just do a lot of talking with him and take it a step at a time. See how you feel about things. Talk with your brother a lot too. Do this together with him. You will never have the relationship you may have had if he had been in your life from the beginning but you could still build quite a healthy one if you can manage to stay out from in between him and your mother. Good luck and I hope it works out for you.
2006-11-20 10:10:02 · answer #3 · answered by outdone 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes the stories are twisted around by one parent or the other. Its possible that your mother is so angry with him that he never left the wife to be with her, that she is holding a grudge and playing you against him, He may not be as bad as she made him out to be, and if he gave you and your brother that kind of money he's probably a good man and not using motives. Just trying in some way to make up for all the lost time.
2006-11-20 10:21:40 · answer #4 · answered by niptuck2630 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Wow... I think this is a very difficult situation, and If I were you, I'd be thinking the same thing. Is he trying to be my friend because he owes my mom? Is he trying to get close to me so that my mom will back off?? You should ask him. Be straight forward and tell him what you are thinking. In most parent/child relationships the children do become very upfront with their parents, so this would be a normal thing to ask if you all were closer than you are. I think you should be upfront about it and just question his motives. Tell him that you cant help but wonder. Good luck.
2006-11-20 10:00:03 · answer #5 · answered by Angel Eve 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The problems that are between your parents are between them. You should not be expected to get involved, and if either one puts pressure on you to get in the middle of their problem, that would be grossly unfair. As for your relationship with your father, it is between you and him. Even a pancake has two sides, I would listen to his side of the story, and compare it with your mother's before making any concrete decisions. Being from a similar situation myself, I know that this can be incredibly difficult, but knowing both sides (even if you don't like what they have to say), can be quite a relief. Make the best decision you can, and try to be happy. :-)
2006-11-20 10:27:15 · answer #6 · answered by janelgirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry for what you have gone thru. You can never really tell what a person's motives is until you really get to know them. Trying to conact your dad again a find out THE REAL REASON he sold the house.
2006-11-20 10:01:26 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It was nice of him to give you and your brother the money but what about the years that went by and he wasn't there that doesn't make it right
2006-11-20 10:04:45 · answer #8 · answered by First L 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He sounds like a big loser. I would ask him to stop contacting you until he makes things right with your mom.
2006-11-20 10:00:57 · answer #9 · answered by Royalhinney 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
some people hold a grudge.. and remember there is 3 sides of a story your theirs and the truth.. follow your heart...
good luck
and remember to forgive.
2006-11-20 10:02:10 · answer #10 · answered by diamondg4u2c 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋