I wiork and she does nothing all day but sleep. She takes care of the kids but only cleans the house when it is out of hand. We never have clean cloths and I look terrible for work every monday because I am busy doing everything she does not get done during the week. We fight about it and she says she is not a slave.
2006-11-20 01:47:03 · 11 answers · asked by Confused 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
She may be suffering from depression or she could have medical issues that are affecting her. I would get her into a doctor pronto. If she checks out okay the next step would be counseling. You shouldn't have to live like that but I wouldn't give up either.
Have you sat her down and discussed this rationally (with no name calling, no attitude, no yelling, etc)? I would take a few moments of your lunch hour at work and write down points that bother you and what your solution would be. It can't all be one-sided either - you have to look at everything fairly. My sister is a stay-at-home mom but her husband contributes also. They sat down after she quit her job and figured out what responsibilities belonged to whom (actually they share most of them!) and allowed for outside influences, illnesses, etc. She works her tail off around the house, running the kids, family obligations, and so on. My BIL has always been great about changing diapers, mowing the lawn, keeping up on repairs around the house, etc. He will also pitch in (vacuuming, keeping the kids occupied so she can make dinner, etc.) when he knows she hasn't gotten any sleep, the kids have been sick, or there have been a ton of other family obligations to see to. They have the best marriage I have ever seen. It didn't start out that way though. She bought a book - 'The Five Languages of Love' by Gary Chapman. They both read it and realized that neither had been in touch with what really mattered to the other. My sister's love language is 'acts of service'. My BIL's is 'words of affirmation'. That book was a turning point in their relationship - both admit it. I wish my ex and I would have read it early on in our relationship.
I wouldn't be so ready to just give up. It sounds like she is having problems with her role as wife and mother or, like I said, there may be depression or something else going on. I would address it gently and let her know how much you love her. But I would also let her know you cannot continue living that way. Work out a chore list, like you would for a child. Also let her know how taxing it is for you (I don't know how physical or stressful your job is - she may regard your going to work each day as a 'vacation' if you have several children that sap her energy) to work and keep up the laundry, housekeeping, etc. I would refuse to fight about it. Address everything calmly and rationally - no matter how hard it is to stay calm. This is not a 'slave' issue but a matter of necessity for both of you.
2006-11-20 02:25:49 · answer #1 · answered by greyrider 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like she's caught in the daily routine. Sometime women take care of their families without taking anytime for themselfs. Women who work dont fall into the daily trot, because they have something outside their families which satisfies them. Sound like your wife needs something more for herself.
You are the one who is going to have to change it. Get somebody to take care of the kids for a weekend and take your wife, pack a bag, and get out. Go into nature, walk and talk. Tell her that you are worried about her, that is seems that she is not happy anymore with her life, and you want her to be happy. If your kids are old enough, offer her to start working, or to take classes. She should do something for herself.
When she sees that you are not just unhappy with the situation, but are concerned with her well-being, it might open her up and she might just talk, and tell you whats keeping her from doing her best.
Good Luck
2006-11-20 02:29:16 · answer #2 · answered by eidunotno 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Taking care of the kids is a huge job some times. It's not like sitting at a desk or working with adults. It's exhausting. Maybe she is not doing as much as you'd like her to because she feels that you are not putting enough in to the marriage either... I know it's hard to get motivated when you feel overwhelmed and under appreciated..
2006-11-20 02:05:50 · answer #3 · answered by pinniethewooh 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am in the same situation. My wife doesnt like to clean. She takes care of the kids, but she always has a excuse for everything. I do the laundry for us and our 2 sons. I vaccuum, I clean up. I am not at the point where I am gonna leave her for it.....yet..
2006-11-20 01:57:31 · answer #4 · answered by Shocker3:16 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Travis barker left his wife for the same reason of being lazy and sleeping all day, but she also went out and partied too I guess. If your very unhappy , and you'll know when you've reached your limit of putting up with her.
2006-11-20 02:24:02 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No she is not a slave but if she is not working then she needs to shape up and take her part in the house work try talking to her about it and not fight. give her a period and if she doesn't shape up then make the decision to ship her out
2006-11-20 01:59:44 · answer #6 · answered by First L 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Learn how to help out .Don't sit there and complain. Just make a day when everyone in the house is cleaning .
2006-11-20 01:53:57 · answer #7 · answered by IT'S JUST ME ! 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
i feel for you but you just cant leave your wife coz she is lazy!does that stop you from loving her? think of some of bad habits that you do .....do you think she should leave you because of them? may be she is lazy coz you dont apreciate her anymore,may be you dont show her that you love her as you used to.come on man you married her for a reason dont blow it.
2006-11-20 01:54:44 · answer #8 · answered by tot 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If we all left our wives because they (women) are lazy, there would be no married people.
2006-11-20 02:49:40 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
have you tried to talk to her about this?..maybe you should let her know its bothering you..also let her know what your thinking..about leaving...maybe if she knows she'll feel like she needs to do something....if not...think about the kids..try to do whats best for them..if your truly not happy..then leave..
2006-11-20 02:03:13 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋