My husband spends hundreds of dollars on gifts for his parents but gets me gift UNDER $10.00. It really really hurts my feeling that he takes so much time and money on gifts for his parents then runs into walmart and grabs me a wallet or pj's!I have told him how this hurts my feeling but he dont seem to care.
Last year i got him a big screen TV and he got me 1 pair of granny Pj's.
My birthday he starts a fight and goes fishing EVERY YEAR.He may or may not get me a book.
Since being with him I DREAD anything that has to do with me mothersday my birthday anything beings he starts a fight and leaves.EVERYTIME.
How do I make him see that this is really causing a rift in our marriage.
2006-11-20 01:19:05 · 35 answers · asked by Addie B 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
how does your husband treat you in other aspects of your life? if you are treated the same, then you two might need some serious counseling. if he does treat you well, then you need to look at the bigger picture. this would be a mole hill in that picture.
2006-11-20 01:24:39 · answer #1 · answered by Angel Baby 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I hope you dont buy him anything, that would be my first step, STOP buying him gifts of any kind, I mean birthday, xmas, fathers day etc, and he wont be long in getting the message, men think that they can do what they want and still be treated nicely. It doesnt work that way.
Why dont you set up all your presents to him on one side of the room and then his to you and make him tell you what he sees. If he cant see the big difference he is an very ignorant man, especially since he is spending money on others, its not as though he buys everyones presents out of Walmart you would understand it if he was really poor and that was his best, you would appreciate the thought that went into it.
This man seems like a very selfish and ignorant individual and you deserve better, you shouldnt be worried about happy times like birthday and anniversaries, this is his issues. Not yours and make sure he knows this. You have nothing to feel guilty for,.
Good Luck and stay strong
2006-11-20 01:49:24 · answer #2 · answered by carrienicholson23 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Here's what you do - get him a thoughtless gift under $10, spend the rest on yourself (wrap the gifts and put them under the tree). Enjoy Christmas, your birthday, mother's day, etc. all in the same fashion. In fact, for your birthday and for mother's day get yourself a gift certificate for a day spa and REALLY enjoy yourself. A massage, a facial, have your nails and toenails done.
Or you could spend that money on counseling. Unfortunately, from the sound of your husband, he probably would refuse to go. For Christmas this year buy him 'The Five Love Languages' by Gary Chapman or 'Love is a Decision' (can't remember the author's name). Maybe he'll take the hint.
Another suggestion - if you are close to his mother try talking to her. Find out if hubby's dad is the same way with her. If she says that it used to be an issue, find out what her solution to this was and see if it will work for you. If you are not close to his parents - that may be a possible sign why he treats you the way he does. On some level he may resent you, he may be a momma's (or daddy's) boy. If this is the case and he won't do counseling take my first suggestion and work on making yourself happy.
Question - what does he buy for your kids? (you mentioned mother's day but not children). Does he leave that up to you or does he get into the holidays/birthday's, etc. when it comes to them. If he does, he may have unresolved issues of something that he blames you for earlier on in the marriage. You need to figure out what these are and confront him.
2006-11-20 01:58:18 · answer #3 · answered by greyrider 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Next time mother's day, birthday, or whatever comes around, and he tries to start a fight, don't allow it to happen. Don't get mad over anything. When he says something to you that he's mad about, say I'm sorry!! You can't fight with someone that won't fight back!! As for the gifts, stop buying him such extravagant gifts. When he asks why, say I thought this is the way you wanted it because you only buy me pj's. Beyond doing these things, if he's not listening to you and your feelings, you may want to step back and decide if this is something you can live with. If not, seek counseling or leave. If you can decide what you need to do for yourself to make this not an issue for you, i.e. possibly the things I've listed above.
2006-11-20 02:45:48 · answer #4 · answered by Elvira 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you need some marriage counseling, because it is like he is not overly concerned about your feelings and the things that make you happy. I don't even believe it is the cost of the gift that he is getting you I believe it is more of the thought that he has put into it. I can completely understand your hurt as you have every right. I am sure you would be completely happy if he made you a scrap book and cooked you dinner. If you have told him this in the future put less thought into his gifts I am sure it is the wrong way to go about it but then he can understand what it is like to be put on the side lines.
Good luck...
2006-11-20 01:32:09 · answer #5 · answered by pattiof 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What comes to mind when I read your dilemma is this. Some families, like yours, make a big deal out of holidays and birthdays and things like that. And to some families, it's no big deal, some don't even casually recognize a birthday. I'm guessing he was raised in the latter. If that's not the case, then something else is up. His gifts are really lame and you're right to be offended. I would be, especially after you've been so thoughtful. I'd suggest counseling since you've obviously already talked to him about it. If he won't go, go yourself. Consider it a "present" to yourself from him.
2006-11-20 04:13:48 · answer #6 · answered by Mike 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For a start next time treat yourself to an expensive gift. Next what really would get me going is that you say he always picks a fight when it is your birthday so he can go fishing , can't you see what he is doing?? He is a selfish spoilt child!! How dare he treat you this way. Next time it is his birthday don't only not buy him a gift go away for the weekend. Also go out and buy a member of your family an expensive gift just like he spends on his family. Fight fire with fire.
2006-11-20 01:53:34 · answer #7 · answered by angel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So I guess you don't watch that big screen Television? Come on why waste your cash on something so useless in the first place?
Did you NEED new PJ's? Get him what he NEEDS not what YOU want. A gift is supposedly from the heart. It's not supposed to be a tool to get you something you think they should buy you. Did you ever think of making a list for him?
You do sound very greedy and shallow!
2006-11-20 02:00:58 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
When the occasion arises, (birthday etc) make plans to get out of the house before he does. Leave for the day and don't come back until till it's over. If he questions your strange behaviour, tell him that it's because you wanted to enjoy your special moment without being hurt like you have been in the past. Let him know that if he can't get you something that really counts and show's your importance to him, you want nothing!
Bet ya next time it will work!
2006-11-20 01:38:04 · answer #9 · answered by Fried Plantain 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He sounds like an all around ***, if you ask me! To me, the fact that he picks a fight with you before your special days, tells me he is inconsiderate and selfish in more than just his gift giving. I would skip buying him gifts and when it's getting close to your birthday, make plans to for an overnight trip with a girlfriend and have fun without him.
I am not sure I would want to stay married to a guy who treated me with so little respect or thoughtfulness. If you choose to, try to have fun on your own and if he decides he wants in on it, great. If not, you won't be wasting your time waiting for him to grow into a human.
2006-11-20 01:35:50 · answer #10 · answered by schweetums 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that is kind of weird and I would be upset too. Your not greedy! Why shouldnt you have a problem with the lack in thought from your husband!! Do you have kids? Is it just that you spend a lot of money on them and he just feels like that is all that is important. Does he ever take the time to get you a nice thoughtfull gift. Just because. How rude if not!!
2006-11-20 01:25:19 · answer #11 · answered by runzwsizorz 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋