I am seriously considering leaving my husband. He will not have sex with me! I am sooooo frustrated because I feel like I'm expected to stay in a sexless marriage and theres nothing I can do about it. I'm sick of this being an issue. We are 31 and have been married 6 years.(he's never had a sex drive, I know I shouldn't have married him to begin with!) Do I leave him? Or just go out and get what he should be providing as a husband?
2006-11-20 00:45:05 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
We've talked abouy it many, many times!!!!
He won't get help
He just had a complete physical and he's completely healthy
2006-11-20 01:09:12 · update #1
Wow, the answers you got so far sure cover the spectrum! I'm always amazed by those who are so quick to tell you exactly what to do, especially not knowing you or all the details of your situation. Only you know those, and only you can decide what course of action to take. I can sympathize, I'm in the exact same situation only in reverse. I call my wife my room mate because you don't usually fool around with a room mate. We just grew apart and she has nothing to do with me. Like you, I am hurt, angry and very lonely. I too struggled with this dilemma. If you're like me, the rest of your life is probably pretty good. You're just not happy, lacking what you desperately need. You sacrifice your own happiness for the sake of your marriage, your life, and everything you've built with this man. You also have regrets, many people marry thinking the other will change. When they don't, it's a disappointment. People only force change if they want to. he is who he is. For me, I've met a very special lady. I'm tired of being miserable. I believe everything happens for a reason. Being with another woman may finally help me see which course of action to take. I honestly have no idea how this will play out. As for you, you have to decide what you want out of life.
2006-11-20 04:26:32 · answer #1 · answered by Mike 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some people just have very low sex drives. I agree, if you knew about this before you married him, you should have seriously considered it then. If it bothers one before marriage, it just may turn into a deal breaker after marriage. That being said, cheating never solved anything. If sex is that important for you, then you need to have a serious discussion with him and tell him how you are feeling. Don't get emotional when doing this, it will probably just turn him away and you won't be able to get the issue resolved. Tell him it has gotten so bad for you you have been thinking of having an affair because business hasn't been taken care of at home. This might prod him into getting therapy, if indeed it is needed. If he is unresponsive or unwilling to seek help in finding a compromise, it might be best to end the relationship if you absolutely cannot do without it.
2006-11-20 08:57:09 · answer #2 · answered by Slimsmom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hate when people answer questions that have no experience with the issue to draw their advice from.....
YEs you married him and yes you should honor that commitmetn...but to those who say "what if he was sick and couldn't have sex"....there is a BIG difference here...not being able to and chosing not to are two different things.
He should know that you have needs.....it is his responsisbility to fill those needs to the best of his ability. As long as there isn't any physical condition that would prevent him for making love to you...you have a right to be angry.
Get him to counceling...if he refuses there isn't much more you can do. You have to decide if you can live in a sexless marraige. If not, leave. Cheating is not the answer...it'll turn you more against him. Something needs to be done asap to rectify the situation....the longer it goes on, the harder it will be to correct!
2006-11-20 09:40:28 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are so young to feel unwanted....Do you love your husband...other than the no sex...is there more to your marriage?? Can he get some help he needs?? If this is not an option and you are really unhappy...I say go, leave him, find the happiness you deserve...
I can say I'm in my second Marriage...I was 31 when I left my x.....and thank god I did....I'm so happy and I actually feel wanted...my husband now and I have a great life together....I can't imagine living like I use to.....I would have wasted all these precious years....
So I'm sure if there is nothing left to your Marriage....leaving him to for happiness won't be something you will regret!!
Good Luck to you and your future!!
2006-11-20 08:58:39 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Killer question!
At 31 you are young enough to want kids and you may feel that your biological clock is ticking. It is clear that this was going to be an issue when you married, and you should have sorted it out first. But thats hindsight for you.
If you are looking for permission to cheat here, you wont find it. You made a commitment to him. Cheating is a big no no. But he also made a commitment to you. To Love and Honour you. By not accepting that he has a problem, and by refusing to go for help, he is not honouring that vow to you.
Your choices are to shut up and put up with it.
Or leave.
I feel from your question that the first isnt likely. If its got so bad that you want to go elsewhere (and in your heart you know that it will lead to a split), then you have nothing to lose by presenting him with an ultamatum." We get help, or we get a divorce."
Then at least it will be honest.
Good luck to you both
2006-11-20 10:05:58 · answer #5 · answered by agtfos 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"what he should be providing as a husband"????? If a man was saying that about his wife, women would go mad.... and start on about how sex isn't a duty, and shouldn't be expected...and there's more to a relationship than that.... blah blah. And even though I think sex is an integral part of marital intimacy, you said it yourself.... he's never had a sex drive and you married him knowing it.... so yes, you should stay in a sexless marriage since thats what you knowingly signed up for and committed yourself to. He hasn't changed, lied to you, or acted in anyway differently than he ever has. Betraying him over something you had full knowledge of prior to marrying him,.... is totally inappropriate.
2006-11-20 09:24:00 · answer #6 · answered by just_me3575 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You bought a box of macaroni and cheese, knowing that it was a box of macaroni and cheese, and are now complaining because it ain't filet mignon? I guess the answer to your question is - it depends on how much stock you put in your own word and in your committment, the one you made when you said "I do."
Your three options are to tuff it out and try to be satisfied with his other good qualities, you know - the ones you MARRIED him for, or leave him, or try to get him into counseling. There may very well be some issue, either mental or physical, which is repressing his sex drive. Maybe it can be fixed! Is he willing to give it a go?
2006-11-20 08:49:56 · answer #7 · answered by Stretchy McSlapNuts 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You have to put your wants (these are not needs) aside.
You married him knowing what he is and knowing he did not have a sex drive. Now you think you have two choices:
Cheat on him or divorce him and destroy your childrens childhood over your selfishness.
You are pathetic and your children deserve better. What about their needs? If he changed then you would have a right to be resentful but he did not. You now resent him for being exactly what you married. Think about this. Get a toy and take care of your desires on your own and grow up. You are now suppose to be a mother.
2006-11-20 12:29:47 · answer #8 · answered by onlineseeker 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How rude are you ! Geeze heaven forebid your husband gets sick,and is unable to have sex ! Or hurts himself at work brakes both arms and can't have sex or whatever the case maybe...would you run away like you are now? I think there is a reason medically that your husband has a low sex drive,there are Herbs,and over the counter meds that can help. You should be supportive and see if he would like to seek a doctor and try to correct the problem. In the mean time get yourself a dildo or vibrater....
2006-11-20 08:52:22 · answer #9 · answered by vanislandwitch 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Honestly, he should find himself someone with the same type of sex drive that he has. It's unfair to you. You deserved to be pleased and if he won't go out of his way to pleasure you, then you will eventually meet someone and leave him. People might say sex doesn't make a relationship, but it sure as hell keeps someone in the relationship happy. I don't think i'd be able to be with someone that long and not have sex. Just b/c he doesn't like pleasure doesn't mean that you don't. Either he starts pleasing you or kick him to the curb.
2006-11-20 09:36:14 · answer #10 · answered by Rica 82 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋