My husband wants to be single again and alone says he wont be around much if at all after the divorce because of this and thinks its my job to tell our daughter almost 6 yrs old?WHAT on earth is he thinking!!!!He's the one who wants to divorce not me!He says he may come back when he's ready?! as if we are to just wait around for him?
2006-11-20 00:23:12 · 11 answers · asked by Cally M 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Been together since we were 10 yrs old dated through middleschool and highschool. I got pregnant the end of senior year in highschool and after our daughter was born we married 3 months later. We made it through college through the stress of being a financial burden on both our parents and working sometimes not seeing each other. I graduate this year he graduated a year and half earlier than me but we could not make it over this little thing?
2006-11-20 00:27:50 · update #1
He is not thinking. He is a coward. What does he think your going to stand and wait and hope that he comes back.
He won't tell your daughter. So tell your daughter. If he ask if you told your daughter say yep told her daddy was dumping us. Don't tell your daughter like that but let him believe you did. If he says anything about the way you told your daughter then tell him if he wanted it says a specific way he should of told her.
When he tries to come back and believe me he will tell him sorry your enjoying the single life and just won't give it up.
2006-11-20 00:46:33 · answer #1 · answered by wondermom 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie, Your instincts are dead on.
He is making this devastation for your family and he needs to be the one to clean up his messes, not leave it to you.
If you don't want the divorce, then YOU DO NOTHING to assist him make it happen. It's not a done deal, and it is not over until it's over.
I have been married 25 years. Please write back I have to run right now, but I want you to look through this website, especially the information on "Plan A". You too, can save your marriage, but you will have to work on you, and your own boundaries, and hang tough.
"Never protect anyone from the consequences of their own actions." (that's why it's his responsibility to wreck his daughter's life, because she'll be upset and she needs to be upset with him, he needs to see her upset.)
By the way, have you identified the other woman, this crap does not happen in a vacuum. Most often it will run it's course after he's ruined everything, he already can see that, that's why he wants you to 'wait' for him.
2006-11-20 01:10:41 · answer #2 · answered by Myrmaad 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well...he's a big jerk,what alittle chicken s h i t ,can't even tell his own daughter he's running away like a coward! and thats exactlly what I'd tell him! Oh and I'd also inform him that if he doesn't talk to his daughter about him leaving,and you have to do it for him,this will be the LAST time he sees his daughter,untill shes old enough to choose for herself.
And trsut me hun......you want to divorce this man... HE'S A COWARD!
2006-11-20 00:46:29 · answer #3 · answered by vanislandwitch 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No matter what he thinks....sounds like he is a coward anyway...you should tell your daughter....or at least do it together. Doing what is best for your daughter is the right thing to do right now. I know your mad at him for being such an asshole, however your 6 year old comes first...Try to forget that you think he is calling the shots....that's what your mad at right?? and be the better parent...
You will meet a nicer person suited for you and your daughter one day......you deserve it.....
My advice...try not to be angry at him.....I know its hard, and put your daughter first.....
Good Luck to you.............
2006-11-20 00:50:30 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What a loser!!! You tell your daughter because he would make a mess of it anyway. Tell the loser that you will not be around for him to come back. Tell him if he walks out that door, that is where he will stay. He needs to be strung from his B:::::::s
Good luck!! there is someone out there that will love you and your daughter.
2006-11-20 00:39:24 · answer #5 · answered by angel 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you both have been through most relationship blunders already.....Have anyone of you even dated others? Maybe you both need space, but another relationship is out of the question...You both sound like very dedicated, hard working young people...How bout trying counceling and ...can ya make more time, one on one, just the two of you?
2006-11-20 00:32:30 · answer #6 · answered by daiseydixie6 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There are a lot of men out there that think they are missing out on the sex of their lives! Grrrr. It sounds like the two of you have been through a lot. He has allowed himself to think that he has fallen out of love and that there must be something more out there. Unfortunately, he's not going to find it. Not easily anyway. It will take him years to discover that relationships, good relationships, take work and dedication. Once that 'in love' feeling fades, there has to be regular maintenance (from both parties involved). He's obviously either already found someone else or thinks he has a good chance with someone that he's met.
My ex did this same thing to our son and I after 14 yrs. together (12 1/2 yrs. married). While I was recovering from chemo he had a new coworker telling him how great he was, if he was her man things would be so much better . . . , etc., etc. He fell for it. 2 + yrs. later, she became more demanding, she moved in with him, they had started having financial issues, etc. Lo and behold that was starting to feel like marriage, lol. With the exception that I was rarely, if ever, demanding. He ditched her and moved on to his next victim. Now he is madly in love all over again. I've got my calender marked and bets placed for how long this one will last.
Don't just wait around for him. He will try to come back within the next year. The best thing you can do for yourself and your daughter is to move on with your life. It will be difficult but you will get through it! Get the best lawyer you possibly can - get one that hates men who destroy families, if you can find one. Take your time interviewing them - the lawyer you end up with can make all the difference in the world. f you get the right judge, your ex will even have to reimburse you for 50% - 100% of your lawyer fees. Don't be nice - be calm and calculated. Don't roll over or give an inch - he will try to sweet talk you on most issues and then stab you in the back. Wear armor around your heart - it will serve you well in the year to come.
If you do decide to take your ex back when he comes crawling (don't you dare beg him to come back at any point!!! Be indifferent. The better you get on without him the more it will bother him) make sure you have stipulations. One being that he has to go all out to 'win' you back. Make him woo you. Flowers, dating, all of it. And don't sleep with him again right away (it will just complicate things if either of you decide it's not working) - in fact, don't sleep with him at all during the proceedings. Make him get checked for STD's, too. Even if he insists there is nobody else - he's lying. Mine insisted there was no one else - I had video, receipts, his underwear with her hair and worse, and I had caught them together. He tried to lie his way out of all of it. Just be prepared to go through very intense counseling together if you do try to get back together. The trust that he's violated will affect you for a long time to come. Your daughter will probably need counseling, too. You are better off talking to your daughter about her dad deserting you both than he is. He will only make excuses, sugarcoat it, lie, and/or put the blame on you. Enlist a counselor to help you talk to her. Don't lie, she will only resent you for it later. Just realize that she is too young for most of the details at this point but assure her you will discuss it in detail when she is old enough - if she still wants to know even.
Best of luck to you - I've been in your shoes and I know it's not fun. Be assured though - you will get through this. You will find that you will be better prepared for a successful relationship once you've given yourself time to heal from this experience. You will appreciate things more and be able to look at things differently.
2006-11-20 01:05:23 · answer #7 · answered by greyrider 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
never wait for him. and someone has to tell your daughter. if he wants to be immature about it then that is on him. tell her that you can make it without him. and don't take him back when he decides he's had enough of the single life.
2006-11-20 00:27:34 · answer #8 · answered by pikachu 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
whats is wrong with him, why he want a divorce from you. did he tell you why and he is the one who supposed to tell your daughter
2006-11-20 00:32:35 · answer #9 · answered by kency 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like he has some issues!!maybe stress or a "girlfriend"?maybe he having his midlife crisis early? sounds like he needs a counselor and you need one if you put up with his crap!adults take care of their children!not pass it off to someone else!
2006-11-20 00:32:09 · answer #10 · answered by richard c 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋