I’m I wrong,?

Question

I’m I wrong, my husband moved out in January of 06 we have been married for nine years, he claims that he wanted to be closer to work we were still seeing each other up till June then I decided to look else where for the love that I was missing since then my husband wants to come back I have left this guy move in with me and my husband is hot because I won’t tell him anything about Jim we have two children am I wrong for this me and my husband had a bad marriage he is now a recovery alcoholic I no he loves me what should I do I’m afraid he may go after our children because I won’t tell him anything about this guy

Answer 1

even if you love this "new guy" more, you are still wrong... because you are committed to your husband... you are practically cheating... and i know your reaction would be as much as his if he was the one who did it.. you are wrong... and he's reaction is normal...

Answer 2

Hi Lindsay,

It sounds like you had a lot to cope with having an alchaholic husband!

Nine years of marriage is a long time, but in a marriage with a drunken husband isn't the kind of life anyone would want to have and I am glad that at least you had ended it when this was going to destroy your marriage eventually anyway.

He had time to get the help he needed to come off it and work on his marriage, but he chose not to get help in those nine years, so this is his fault that you have moved on from him. No doubt that he is angry that you have met someone else, but this is because he was neglecting you and your children, spending hours away from home working.

So no, you are not wrong for doing what was the right thing to do and you didn't exactley have many options when there was nothing left for you and your husband to work on if he wasn't taking part in the marriage anyway. Ideally, you would have divorced him regardless of his reactions and then found somone else, but this wasn't planned so you are not to feel guilty about this.

He and you do need to discuss getting a divorce if you want to stay with your boyfriend and he refuses to get serious help with his alchahol problem. He isn't going to treat you any better if you do go back to him and because nothing has changed - only you.

Don't allow his threats to take custody of the children from you - he cannot take custody of them when he was the one who kept leaving and drinking. He is an irressponsible husband and father and will continue to be. Get yourself a lawyer if need be and get your husband to divorce you.

You cannot walk back into a life full of insecurity and he needs to change apart from you before you would even consider being with him again. Love is about commitment and being there, not neglecting you and divulging in drink. It is his loss and he should accept that you are where you are now because of his actions.

Don't be afraid - why should you be? - he made this happen and he should now allow you the happiness you deserve if he isn't going to provide you with the stability and love you deserve.

Answer 3

I hope you know more about this guy than your husband does, moving him in with your two children.. Didn't he have a home? I'm not faulting you for moving on, thats great, and I wouldn't let my ex worm his way back in. Keep a close eye on the children, Having a strange man move into your house with your children was a bad idea. If your husband goes after the kids, custody i mean, he can use the fact you have a stranger living in the house with them and he fears for their saftey. Believe me, a good lawyer will find out everything there is to know about your little friend, so be prepared, If this guy is a good guy he will be willing to move out until you get your personal life in order.. You can still see him/ but no sleep overs.

Answer 4

first you never got a divorce so now your commiting a sin. second you should give your husband a chance. i dont know how you got over him so fast after 9 years of marriage. do you have a job? or did you bring jim in to pay the bills. and i hope taht your husband goes for the kids. jim probably wont treat them as nicly. and what does I'M I WRONG mean? you should give your husband another shot. he mooved out to be closer to his job so he could give you money. hmmmmm this doesnt sound fair. good luck... to your husband i hope he gets the kids. the alcoholic part doesnt bother me since he is recovered and if he had the kids he would have less time on his hands.

Answer 5

Your husband moved out. You were a "good" girl until June. 6 months. Then, you found somebody else. THEN, your husband decides he wants to come back. You ARE wrong. Not for finding a new guy. You should have filed for divorce before you started dating, actually, you should have filed a month after hubby left. You should ignore what your husband wants- he lost the right to have expectations about your behavior, when he moved out. Get divorced, and build a new life for yourself and your kids. Worry about yourself and your kids.

Answer 6

You are wrong! First of all, for having a boyfriend while you have a husband! It doesnt matter if you live on opposite sides of the world, you are still married! I wouldnt blame your husband if he went after your kids. That is exactly what I would do.

Answer 7

Personally I don't think it is healthy for your children to witness another man in your bed You should care more about what is best for your children then for yourself.
You husband was probably an alcoholic when you married him and had 2 children by him, it is too late to start complaining about that now.

Answer 8

You shouldn't be moving on until you have a divorce from your husband. That will decide the custody of the children.I would say you are wrong for not ending your marriage before you moved on.

Answer 9

You have a tough decision to make. I wish you luck. Keep in mind he left you. You didn't leave him. That unless you are a drug addict, in drug rehab or are deemed mentally unstable by a doctor a woman almost always gets the children in a divorce. As long as you can provide a stable life for the children. He is the one being a recovering alcholic that would have to prove he would not return to his addiction & prove you incompetient.

Answer 10

It sounds to me like you dont know which one you really want. Maybe you should move jim out and just be on your own for awhile until you can figure things out. that way you dont make a wrong decision that could badly affect you and the kids later on down the line.