Married for 10 years and no "juice" left in the relationship but do not wish to divorce my wife as she is a good person and I like her. I'm good to her too and you could not say that there is anything that warrants a divorce except - our sexlife is dead and buried. Tried counseling, therapy, medicines but she just does not feel like it. I can't bring myself to ask her if I could ...."go out". I don't want to hurt her. You know what I mean! Hence the need to be discreet.
2006-11-18 21:58:28 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You may think it won't be that bad as you have tried your level best to solve this issue ..............but have you thought this from your wife's point of view.how will she take this & try to put yourself in her shoes.And there must be some one out there who can help you guys,you just need to find them.
Having an extra marital affair is not the answer.
2006-11-18 22:05:50 · answer #1 · answered by mary 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If the practical aspects of the partnership are there, and worth saving, and there IS a vow of "stay together", yet one person shows disgust for all matters sexual for YEARS, and the other is not ready to resolve to being "just too old for that silly stuff", the choices are to agree to open the relationship so that the one who still has any sex drive can find a "friend with benefits" or to break up the partnership which IS successful and committed... except one is totally revolted by the notion of any sexual encounters. The trick though is to keep those "friends with benefits" from becoming more and truly threatening the partnership. But, that might be better than just throwing in the towel on the whole friendship with the partner of many years. Agreement is the key issue here.
2016-05-22 02:44:18 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't believe what l am reading !! No juice left , she is a good person, l'm good to her, l like her. It sounds to me like you are talking about a dog or something. SHE is your WIFE for god sake. Have some respect you say you don't want to hurt her but you can't even say you love her. What sort of sh*t is that. I guess l can understand what you mean about the sex part but there is no excuse for cheating, however l think you are looking for one!! If you have tried everything and your wife still says she can't be bothered l guess you have no choice but to divorce her or atleast separate and see what happens. Please do not cheat on her . It is one of the worst things you can do to someone you are supposed to love. If she ever found out she would be crushed. Put yourself in her shoes , how would you feel if it happened to you. Try telling her exactly how you feel and if that does not work just leave. Don't do anything you may regret later. Honestly l do feel for you but l cannot justify cheating for any reason.
2006-11-19 00:01:48 · answer #3 · answered by kazzadanni 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
WHAT!?! Have you stop and asked yourself as to why she doesn't want to be sexually intimate? Do you tell her that the "juice" was gone? I can bet that she is feeling as if she can't seem to please you anymore. She also may be feeling she's not as attractive to youanymore, and that has ruined her sex drive, so to speak. When was the last time you told her she was beautiful? Do you make her feel as if she's the only woman you want to be with? Woman need to hear and feel that they are the only one their man thinks about, and want to be with. If not, they lose the need to please their man. Ask yourself, what if your wife is feeling the same way you are now? How would you feel? What would you do if you found out that your wife wants to have sexual relationships behind your back, because you're not performing the way you use to?
Stop and think about what you're doing wrong too. Change what you have to, to get her to change. Having discreet relationships behind her back is the most horrific thing to do. What happened to communicaiton? Ask her what she's feeling and why she's feeling that way.
You married this woman! You made a life commitment to her to always cherish and love her! Not cherish, love her and have sexual relationships behind her back. Don't forget the reasons why you fell in love with your wife. If your wanting to be with other people, then you obviouly fell out of love with her. Be honost with her. Tell her how you feel, and the thoughts you've been having and why. Talk about ways you both will change for each other. You'll find out you both will make changes you thought you wouldn't.
2006-11-18 22:32:41 · answer #4 · answered by Anna 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Of course this is hard for you, but try again before giving up!! Communicate with your wife, ask her what she'd like to do, do the things you did when you dated; like going out etc. Maybe she just needs some more romance?
If all fails, tell her that you really want to be with her but find it unbearable to live with no physical intimacy. (better to be honest) Ask if there is anything she would want to do that you don't do. (like talking, being cozy, have time together, whatever..There might be things that she is afraid or embarrassed to say?)
When all this is said, I don't think it's fair to not have sex with your partner, because in a sense one of the reasons you get married is to have a sexual relationship and not just friendship, right? But, also everyone has good and bad periods in their life, and love is also to be faithful through those..
And last, think about this; if your wife was wanting to be with another man because you wouldn't have sex with her, do you think that would be acceptable?
Hope it works out!
2006-11-18 22:24:30 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
NOOOOOOOOOO!!!
The two of you need to sit down and actually discuss where this relationship is going...Ok, so you've tried it all, but the need for openess in a marraige is essential. If you're only together because its good for you and theres no love left then you need to discuss to possibilities of separation and see if the two of you actually miss each other. If not divorce...i know you may not want to hear that, but that may be what its boiled down to.
The fact that you think you need to be discreet, is your minds way of telling you that its WRONG!!!-u know this in your heart. Just talk about it with your wife and surely the two of you would be able to resolve the issue TOGETHER!!!!
2006-11-18 22:06:05 · answer #6 · answered by el.sparkles 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How would you feel if she discreetly cheated on you "just for the sex"..
You would be full of hate and misery..
Remember, you have a concious and it will get the best if you after it is too late and you have already committed adultary..your concious wil either drive you insaine or push you so far into guilt you will admitt what you have done and your marriage will be over anyway..
If your going to cheat, tell her before you actually do it..
Be honest, and accept the consequences now instead of later...
Its the only fair thing to do if you really love your wife..
2006-11-18 22:05:59 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You wedding vows did not say forsaking all others...unless your sex life dies. On the other hand if there is no physical reason for it, it's not right for her to deny you either. I'm sure you've had serious discussions about this before, but tell her what you've been thinking of. Maybe the possiblity of you being someone else will at the very least prod her to tell you the real reason. I'm having a hard time buying "I don't feel like it" for any long period of time.
2006-11-18 23:23:21 · answer #8 · answered by LilRedHrdGrl 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
UUUUHHH.... HE!# NO!!!!!!! You are kidding, right? Maybe she should try a sex therapist all by herself. Or maybe it's you and the fact that you might not listen to what she likes and what she needs to be stimulated. Sex is not just intercourse. You need to stimulate her mind long before you try to get in her pants. Men and women are extremely different when it comes to sex and what makes us work. I would seriously suggest you go to a sex therapist as well because if it's all about the actual act of intercourse for you then you are extremely selfish.
Often women feel that they'd rather not have any than to be with a selfish mate who thinks that he is the end all be all when it comes to sex. It is a major turn off.
2006-11-19 04:03:34 · answer #9 · answered by You know who i am 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would ask her...what you could do to get her in the mood to role play dress ups etc..if she doesn't want any of that than ask her if stepping out is an option or swinging but she maybe just looking for an excuse to divorce you....If you go for discretion in an affair you'll probs get caught or she'll know and hence her excuse also... Talk to her about your needs.... Maybe you just have grown apart sorry.
2006-11-18 22:09:22 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋