Moral support from husband?

Question

I have been married to a man for 5 years. In all of this time, he's managed to isolate me from everyone, and two years ago I stopped putting up with it and fighting back. He used to really physically abuse me, and then I kicked his butt back one time so badly it dislocated a disc in his spine. Since then, he never attacked me like that again. But all of this time, he's never been happy for any successes I've achieved. He always expected me to act like his success was the best thing in the world and the reason I was alive. I am graduating from College in December, and he's refused to even take off for that. His cheating brother controls his every move. I am divorcing him, though he doesn't know this is in the works. This just adds fuel to the fire. I feel so alone and am given absolutely no love or affection from him that I've started to spend more time with an ex. And he doesn't care. What can I do to stop all of this ? I don't want the marriage to end, but I also know

that I can not change him. It's over, yes, but part of me still wants to save it.

We also have two children together, and it's like he's a stranger to them because he's gone all of the time. My son won't even go by him, and he's 9 months.

a result of this treatment, when I had been abused once again and was in the Er and given Percocet for pain, I became addicted to painkillers. I am recovering on my own from this addiction due to the fact that I am not willing to break the law to get them and am doing it cold turkey, but I felt like I needed the pills to feel better.

Answer 1

It's understandable that you don't want to give up on your marriage, You have children and marriage is supposed to be sacred BUT it wont change. You can't change him. He doesn't hit you anymore because he's afraid of you not because he became a better person and realized his mistake. He is not a happy person and doesn't know how to be affectionate. He has issues that you can't help; he has to want to change but I'm guessing that if you offered counseling he would tell you he doesn't need it you do. Leaving is better for you and your children.

Answer 2

Oh you poor thing. He sounds to me as if he is from the old school, where the husband goes out and earns the money and the wife stays home in the kitchen all day barefoot and pregnant(so to speak). I can't understand though that he doesn't mind you spending so much time with your ex. Perhaps you are right, maybe he has lost all interest in your marriage. I can understand that you do not want your marriage to end but if he refuses to change his ways you really have no choice. Either stay with him and never get the love and support you desire or leave him, graduate( good on you for that) and make a new life for yourself and your children. I think he may be jealous of your achievements and doesn't know how to deal with it. Perhaps when you tell him you are leaving he may change his tune but by then it will probably be too late, there will be too much damage done. I wish you well with whatever happens, l also wish you peace and happiness for the future.

Answer 3

I've read several very helpful series of articles that speak to your situation. There are several that are also on-line, which I'll list below ...

Help for Battered Women! :
> "Maybe This Time He'll Change"
- Why Do Men Batter Women?
> Help for Battered Women
- Machismo--A Global Problem
- Correcting Misconceptions
- "Sometimes I Think I Am Dreaming!" (a successful outcome)
http://www.watchtower.org/e/20011108/article_01.htm

How to Solve Problems Peacefully :
- Why They Resort to Violence
- How to Solve Problems Peacefully
http://www.watchtower.org/library/w/1998/11/1/article_01.htm

CHILD CUSTODY---What Is the Balanced View? :
~ What Is in the Child's Best Interests?
http://www.watchtower.org/library/g/1997/12/8/article_01.htm

The Problems of Children ... :
- An Ongoing Search for Solutions
> Children Deserve to be Wanted and Loved
- The Solution at Last!
- Help for Young People
- The UN Declaration of the Rights of the Child
http://www.watchtower.org/library/g/2000/12/8/article_01.htm

The Family Under Threat---Will It Survive?
- An Emergency case!
- The Family--A Human Necessity
http://watchtower.org/library/w/1998/4/1/article_01.htm

(The latter 4 of these URLs will likely be modified soon. After that, each title can be entered in the Advanced Search engine at : http://watchtower.org/search/search_e.htm , which will give you a link with the new URL.)

Answer 4

I have been married for 10 years. We have had our ups and downs but I have always said friends are just as important as family. I think you owe it to your kids to go to marriage counseling. Even if you don't stay together it will at least help you and the children through this difficult time. But hats of to you for getting your degree. Everything will be OK in due time.
God bless you

Answer 5

That is never a good situation to be in, but the marriage is over. Has been over by the way it sounds. You would be so much happier without him. Girl graduate and start that career. All in good time you will find yourself another man, one more worthy of you, and life will be great. Good luck, God Bless.

Answer 6

U have told that u r already spending time with an ex. if he is gud leave the past go for the new one (only if its gud) Okay. He should know abt your past and must not harass u. Best of Luck Sister.

Answer 7

It is time for you to get out of this situation and have a good life. Don't waste your energy on him any more. Congratulations on graduating what an accomplishment. Good luck