How does one become tough?

Question

This isn't relative to me, but a friend of mine, whose behavior I've been observing for awhile now. I'm a first year psychology student and after observing, I am curious. Basically, the story is this: I know a person who is 18 years old and have known them awhile. Basically, the kid is what you'd call a wimp. A bit submissive, doesn't stand up for himself, the usual characteristics. And from seeing his parents, his Father is what you'd call submissive too. So this is my question: is this kid sensitive by nature or is it something that he learned from Dad? Another nature vs. nurture argument, I know, but I am curious. Will this kid ever be able to acquire the mental toughness? Is it in him? Or is it something deeply rooted, he will likely continue to be submissive? And would there be any techniques to acquire the mental toughness or would it be more something they would learn from life experiences? Answers are greatly appreciated.

Answer 1

He learned it from his father. The only thing that could change this is where he was faced with a difficult decision that forced him to take a dominant role.

But to quote my father, nothing builds charactor like picking up rocks in a field.

Answer 2

This is a learnt behaviour.
He has been surrounded by passiveness his entire life and for him to be a confident assertive person now, he would need to learn these behaviours and thought processes from someone assertive or make a personal choice to become assertive to some extent. There very well could be a life experience in his future that may trigger his desire to toughen up but I feel it is highly unlikely he could ever become aggressive/assertive as his upbringing instilled a values and belief system that goes against this.You didnt mention his mother and I am wondering if she was the aggressor or by that, I mean, what was the power distribution amongst the family group. oops, you did mention the mother, take it all back.
Sorry, over analyzing.
There are strategies that can be implemented to encourage assertiveness. The first for the very passive is learning to say no and once this has been achieved move onto voicing opinions, needs and wants. The very passive find saying no to someone extremely difficult and are taken advantage of because of this.

Answer 3

Ah the old Pablovian dog theorum...this has never really been proven in my mind...the poor kid yer talking about would have to basically re-grow up...and that would take years...throw him through an army basic training type course...toughen his physical strength...weight training...get him to lift hundreds of lbs on a bench/leg press/free weight situation...all this plus give him a bit of an attitude like a badass or something to that effect by throwing a little hardship his way...mix well and you would have your "toughened up subject cocktail"...this would take years and effort beyond what he and his supporters are in reality are actually capable of but some of this can be aquired if he applies himself...it's like your "tough guy" has something of all of that...physical and mental strength with the tactical training to back it up...you could throw him in some karate classes too and that would help...theres just too much to be said for "are we products of our enviroment or is it genetic" on this forum so I'm going to leave it at that...

Answer 4

I'm leaning towards life experience parents have alot to do with it but their not essential. I feel that if your friend so put in a difficult situation such as living in a dangerous country he would have two possible outcomes one he will die. the other is he will evolve to circumstances and prevail.

Answer 5

I think that being tough would be something that would be learned from life experiences.