I dont get it, my guy makes a ton of money as a tradesman,?

Question

I get to be a stay at home mom and be with my son, I get money to spend and I have ben with him 4 years.
BUt iam not happy, I am longing for something else and it isnt him or anyone else for that matter.
The thing is almost a year ago he physically assualted me (like beat up) and I almost called the cops on him, but then he pretty much begged me not to and he would change...since then he hasnt done anything.
But I am afraid that incident seriously deleted any loving feelings I had with him and I have been living a lie since then.
I have told him this, and he said he doesnt want me to leave or care that he is living a lie.
I dont know what to do.

BTW...we have gone to councelling and the counceller said she never saw a couple fight like we do!
and that we shouldnt be together either, he scoffed at that remark.

Answer 1

you know what to do but afraid to take the first step because he might hurt you again physically... why not consult with a legal counsel and ask him the best way to get out with the relationship. you have to be strong to face the consequences that would save your life and pride as a person. Good luck ;-)

Answer 2

I would suggest going to a Christian/family counselor instead. Someone who can work with you and give you exercises and tools on how to bring back trust and work on loving each other again. It takes two to fight - there have to be concessions on both sides.

It sounds to me like you are simply looking for justification from Yahoo members to help you decide to walk away. Mentally you've already checked out of your marriage. While the 'assault' was not right, it doesn't sound like this is a habitual thing - and you didn't explain what brought it on. I don't think divorce should ever be considered unless you have literally tried everything possible to save your marriage - except if there is abuse (of any sort). Love is a decision, you don't simple stop loving without wanting to. The 'in love' feeling you had when you first started dating generally only lasts about 2 yrs. (it's a chemical reaction); after that it takes work, dedication, and loyalty to the vows you took. If you simply give up, you are perpetuating a disturbing trend that your son will probably follow one day also, without having had decent role models for a successful, loving relationship. Think of him, too, and not just yourself. (That last comment is meant gently, not sarcastically).

Answer 3

If he did it once I'm sorry to tell you it will happen again.
I think you are afraid of not having the security. You probably don't and never will love him the same, he did the
worst thing in the world to you. If you honestly want to help this relationship, then you need to tell him to go with you to talk to someone, he apparently has an anger problem. Go to church and pray often. He will tell you it will never happen again everytime and beg you everytime, although it hasn't happened since, don't fool yourself into believing that it won't. The good thing is you
got to have a tommrow, alot of women aren't so lucky. Be
careful and keep your eyes wide open.

Answer 4

So let me get this straight.. He screwed up a year ago, you have kids together, he supports you and your children, and you feel like your living a lie ?
Whats happiness have to do with it ? Sounds to me like you need to focus on duty and your family a little more and yourself a little less. Are you married ? Even if you are not you should be. You are a grown up living in a grownup world. Put your Man and your family first, if you don't do this than you will have a very sad and lonely life and you will teach your children to do the same. You and he have the rest of your lives to find your happiness together, right now if you are safe and fed, than you and your children need to asking what can we do to make our family better, not should we tear it apart.

J, Swaney
[e-mail]

Answer 5

Leave him anyway, because your not happy,you don't really love him anymore you said your tired of being alone all day. Let me think here hummmm Live like this the rest of my life and take the chance of getting slapped around again (which is really good for my son to see or hear) or get the hell out and make a real life for me and my son with some happyness in it. I think you already know the answer to your own question! Been there and done it before myself girlfriend and I'm tellen Ya get out now and be happy Life is just to short to live in hell. sunnydays

Answer 6

Get into marriage counceling, your mariage can work, but this is something that sounds like you havn't forgiven him for. You both need counceling for this. I think it would really help, but he also has shown that he's changed. But I do understand why your afraid that he might do it again. Because that trust has been broken, and it's trust that needs to be built again.

Hope that this helps.

Take care and God Bless

Answer 7

You want a real loving relationship. All you have right now is a financial provider. Your emotional needs aren't being met. He needs to realize that it takes more than money to keep a wife happy. You should try and get him to seek counseling for his anger issues. Try and suggest small changes he could make that would improve things. He may not know what he needs to do to make things better.

Answer 8

in reading this it said answer this question . i can't only you can i can give you a opion . i will and can't live in fear my step -father was like that to this day i rember and it is part of me i have a hate in me that will not go away (44 now) . look at yourself and ask . is there anyway for me to get over this totally . on his behalf which i am shamed for and have to live with the rest of my life with i came too close to doing the same way too close for that i hate me that it was possible . but man she hit the buttons . but the thought should not have come up to me if yore feelings are gone

Answer 9

The choice to stay in the marriage is ultimately going to be up to you. If you decide to stay and work on it, you may want to consider marriage counseling for yourself. On the other hand, if you feel you can't trust him anymore no matter how hard you try, then you have to do what's best for you. Just remember that whatever you decide, you need to stay true to yourself.

Answer 10

If you are unhappy, you need to find the source of it. See a counselor. You might find it really isn't that incident at all but something else. If you want the relationship to work, see someone who can help - if you are sure you don't want him, then you need to move on.