I'm pregnant but I don't love my boyfriend any more...Help?

Question

Hi, I am really stuck here. I'm 11 weeks pregnant and my boyfriend and I have only been together 8 months. I realise it was stupid to get pregnant, it was an accident but at first I wanted the child, and I couldn't have an abortion however much I maybe should have done. Everyone told me I should including my boyfriend who blames me entirely and has been unsupportive and moody ever since we found out. He has recently been trying to be nicer but still really doesn't want the baby and is saying I will have to look after it alone, we don't live together and he doesn't want us to. it's ridiculous, I'm 33 and he's 40, we both have had children before, my son is 3, his kids are much older and don't live with him.
I have just found myself wishing more and more that I had had the abortion because I am afraid of being stuck with this horrible man for life, I really don't know if it's pregnancy hormones but the thought of him being around now just makes me feel sick. Please tell me what to do.

I really don't want an abortion and I am sure I could not have, just it seems like no way out and I wish the baby was someone elses. No, I would not stay with him if it weren't for the baby. He is very immature and all he wants to do is go out shooting, have sex, and tell me I need to clean my house and brush my hair despite having awful morning sickness. I really thought this man was a bit more grown up than he turns out to be. I just feel so bad if the baby has no Daddy...this would be my second child without a decent father. I feel it's my own fault.

He won't let me have it adopted. He is just trying to make my life as hard as possible, it seems like that anyway. He wants all the rights but no responsibility.

Answer 1

You say you wish you had an abortion but don't want one...perhaps you should think about this long and hard...it is a very hard decision, but if you end up deciding to do it, you still have time. Sounds to me like you really need the support of a good friend or family member.

If you do continue the pregnancy, then you should count your blessings that you and this guy don't live together and are not married! I understand that you feel alot of guilt for bringing another kid into the world with a deadbeat dad, but use those feelings to motivate you to get yourself together and be the best mom you can be! Break up with the guy, focus on your children and your job (get a better job if you need to), do nice things for yourself and your son, and keep your chin up. Put your energy into yourself and your family and don't get into another relationship until you find someone that can treat you like a queen and be a good family man to your kids. (Seriously, if the guy you've been with is acting the way he is, he is surely not the best guy to be around the son you already have).

You can do it.

Answer 2

First question, how can a pregnancy be an "accident" when you made the choice to have sex to begin with. You SAY you are 33 and yet you're not aware that unprotected sex whether you are on birth control or not can lead to pregnancy? How could that have gone so over your head?
Secondly, if you want to put the baby up for adoption there isn't much your boyfriend can do about it. All you have to do when the time comes is tell them the name of the baby's father is "unknown", or that you don't know who the father is. It is your choice what to do with this pregnancy not his. If he wants to throw a stink about it after the baby is born and either with an agency or in the arms of the adoptive parents he will have to subpeona THEM for a DNA test in order to prove he is the father. You don't HAVE to be stuck with anyone if you don't WANT to be. If you decide to keep the baby you don't HAVE to marry this guy, but I do advise filing for child support.

Answer 3

I'm sure that your hormones have a great deal to do with your mood. I wish you, your three year old, your unborn baby and the baby's father well.

Remember that although all of the options available to you are permissable, they may not be beneficial.

God has given you an opportunity to give a great gift . . a gift of life to your baby. . . a gift of a precious baby to a waiting mother and father . . and the unlimited potential of your baby to make our world better.

Please take the opportunity to make up for and overcome any poor decisions, irresponsible behavior, and selfishness of the past. I don't think that your boyfriend is the only one who wants the benefits without any of the responsibility here.

You have more options than he has. You cannot change your boyfriend; only he can do that. You can change your outlook, your attitudes, and your behavior.

I have neither the right or the authority to judge your decision in the matter. Likewise, I cannot make your decisions for you, but hope that I can help you find the best option; an option that benefits the most people, including your baby.

I pray that you will make a choice based on love for everyone invovled, including your boyfriend and the precious baby you are carrying. God bless you.

Answer 4

I am so sorry that you are feeling this way. Honestly, it does sound like your boyfriend is a jerk...why else would he tell you to have an abortion when you don't want to? Children can really link you to someone you may not like and may be terrible for you and so you have a hard choice to make. At this point, if at all possible, you really should think about giving your child up for adoption instead of aborting. Think about it, you could end the pregnancy, or give up your baby to a couple that would love and care for your unborn child. i hope this helps. God bless you in all your decisions. Good luck.

Answer 5

I had to look twice at the part where you said that you are 33 and he is 40, because I was sure that you were refering to a teenage boy who found out his girlfriend is pregnant. In other words: this guy sounds very immature-he should be supporting you and helping you through this, because it takes two to make a baby. Even if he doesn't want it, he still should live up to this responsibility. If he can't, then leave him...it doesn't sound like it would be much of a loss.

Answer 6

I would not get an abortion because that may compound your emotional feelings (guilt, regret, what if...,etc.). If you don't want the child, go see an adoption agency, meet some couples who want to be parents, pick out the couple you think is best, and let them raise your child. They may also help pay your birth expenses. This solution gets you free of the problem, your boyfriend is free of responsibility, you don't have to be involved with him later for child support or anything, your child isn't killed, a couple can be parents at last, and you've learned a lesson (that your boyfriend is a jerk and you should move on). IT's a win/win situation all around.

Answer 7

Just because you are having his child doesnt mean you are "stuck" with him... if you stay with him for the kids sake- you'll end up messing your kid up even more and making everyones lives a living hell. Aside from you being pregnant- if he was treating you this way would you leave him?

LEAVE HIM!

Answer 8

sounds like pregnancy hormones. but don't take it out on your baby. give it up for adoption to someone that will love and cherish it

Answer 9

I feel that you should move forward & have your child. You will definitely be able to find a new "love". You will be sharing your life & joys with your new baby!

Answer 10

At 11 weeks you can still have an abortion if that's what you choose. I won't tell you what to do. That is your choice. I had an abortion one day short of 15 weeks pregnant. Good luck!