what does it mean when your wife keeps putting you off when you want sex.?

Question

well i don't ask for it alot, it just seems like it cuz she always has an excuse, what does that mean? does that mean she has a guy somewhere or she is just tired of me already. (we've been married for 12 years) i need some advice cuz it's getting me worried already , please (honest anwers) it's really bothering me already.

Answer 1

she sounds bored. try something new. remember what it was like when you first met? those feelings are still there, you just have to find them....be THAT GUY again for her...flowers on the pillow, candles, some alcohol, a motel room, you remember those days?? i have been married for 10 years and it is just as spicy now as it was then...just be THAT GUY again for her.

Answer 2

It probably means she's tired. You have to be relaxed and in good shape to want sex. Does she work? Do you help her around the house? Or does she feel she has to do everything? Help her out. Give her more surprises about cleaning up around the house, fixing things she's has asked you to fix, and give her a back rub. Continue this for a while and watch to see what the problem is. Believe me it always goes deeper than just the sex. Don't pressure her for sex, remember you are trying to find out just what's wrong. She might not even know. Is she on anti depression meds, that will zap any sexual desire. Have you been careful to watch and see what she responds to when you make love? Do you satisfy her needs above and beyond. Are there problems that she is worries about? Is she sick? Be courteous and respectful of her and draw her back into romantic love again. When she wants to have sex again, do it in a way that is, forgive me, not the same old thing, and in the same old place. Create a date night when the two of you take turns surprising each other. And no it doesn't have to cost a lot of $. It just takes a lot of time to plan and think out the surprise evening. And she will begin to see that you still care for her above all things. And remember it's hard not to respond to kindness, concern, and love.

Answer 3

Don't know how the two of you interact on a daily basis, so I am stabbing in the dark.

I can tell you how I feel. If my husband shows affection only when he wanted sex, I would have something else to do also. Do you??

If he approached me with "Lets ****", that's repulsive!!!

If every time we snuggle, he were to turn it into a wrestling match, I would avoid him.

Sometimes we have other things on our mind. Men seem to be able to turn off everything long enough to jump into bed. We can't. So, is she over worked? Having work or kid problems? We also take things more seriously; generally. Overly serious. Help her put things in perspective.

We also have hormones that drive us nuts. Maybe??

Have you taken her away from home and in a relaxed place asked her if something is bothering her? Then listen, really listen. Let her, encourage her to talk. To tell you anything and everything even if it might hurt your feelings. You can't fix a problem you don't know exists. Maybe she is just going through a faze or needs a jump start.

Good luck. Having a good bedroom relationship is important to keep healthy throughout your lives together. Figure it out.

Answer 4

Okay but to answer your question, I really don't mean to offend you dude, I don't even know if this might be the case for you but a lot of my older girlfriends that have been married a while say that there man smells bad (either bad breath or body odor) and they just don't know a nice way to tell the guy that they stink so they just don't have sex with them. Please don't take offence but that could be the case but it is at least worth a shot to get her back in the sack with you.

But anyway, you might try doing something outrageous to sweep her off her feet, or you could both get dressed up nice or roll play or something to spice it up. But if the smelling thing doesn't work then maybe you should talk with her and express your concerns.

But I do know one couple in particular that have been married for over 23 years who don't have sex too often. After 14 years of marriage they cut back to having sex maybe twice a year! But the rest of their marriage stayed strong, they are like very close friends.

Oh, I thought of something else that I read in an article somewhere from some marriage counselor that said if one of the spouses feels like they do more then the other spouse then they may start to feel resentment and not want to have sex. I mean there could be all kinds of reasons I guess your best bet it to talk with her about it. You should be able to talk to her about anything. If you have a problem sharing your concerns with her then maybe there is a problem in your marriage because that is the one person that you should feel like you could talk with about anything, I mean she is after all your wife.

I hope everything works out for you man.

Answer 5

Hi. After a couple of marriages, and many very frank conversations with my gal-pals--covering a whole gamut of experiences of life in the marital bed...I can fairly confidently tell you that there is likely not enough foreplay. NOt meaning to titter about something like I'm a Dr. Ruth, or that lovely person , Sue from Canada, I just know that personal experience combined with friend's spins on how their lovelives have gone--the fellows mostly just climb in bed and "go for the gold"--with little or no romancing,no flowers, not sweet talk, no laughing, no teasing, no interest perking, not much charm and then expect the female to be all aglow and excited over.... what?
Many men only have to think about it and BAM! There IT IS!!!
Women are so very very very different in this department,
and for some it is even tougher if they have any sort of issues in their history, or are hormonally imbalanced, or are stressed, or a million things I could mention but won't.
My suggestion would be to see a counselor, if she is willing to have someone help you to help her together. Knowing that you care enough about HER needs and desires will likely make quite an impression--because, honestly, it is not very often that we feel that the men put us first, most of the time it is all about HIM--whatever it is, it is all about HIM.
Good Luck, if you love her, you can work this out.
Putting the other guy first in this case, may help a lot.
All the best, from Sleepless in Sarasota

Answer 6

There are many possible causes. Some are simple and inexpensive to fix, and others are more complex and can cost more to fix.

One good place to look for clues is your wedding pictures. You looked good to her then, and she looked good to you then. Maybe your looks have changed. Possibly that may not bother you, but maybe it bothers her. Maybe she doesn't feel sexy anymore, and to make it worse, maybe you don't look sexy to her anymore. So, maybe the solution is for the two of you to decide to transform yourselves into the sexy people you used to be (or as close to that as you can). It could be as simple as a diet and exercise program.

Another possibility is that your situation is due to medical reason. If the old fire isn't there anymore because of medical reasons, maybe the doctor can recommend something.

But, for starters, you could suggest breaking out the old wedding photos and then (as the two of you browse them) talk about how great life was then, and how things seem to have deteriorated sex wise, and ask her if she can think of something the two of you can do to bring back the old spark.

Of course, you could skip the photo session, and just ask her if she can find some time to just sit with you to discuss your marriage. Later, when you're both seated, don't be accusative. Ask her what she thinks either YOU or the TWO OF YOU (not her) can do to help bring back the spark in your sex life. By approaching her that way, you are suggesting that either you or the two of you together are the source of the problem--not that she is the problem. Don't ever imply that she is the problem, no matter what. If she suggests you are the problem, take it on the chin, tell her you love her and appreciate her honesty, and ask for her suggestions on what to do to make yourself worthy of her again. If she seems guilty of everything she's accusing you of being guilty of, don't throw it in her face, be humble and interested in learning from her how you can improve your end of the problem. If you are receptive to that, she'll soon be eager to appologize for her end of the problem and begin taking steps to correct it. In other words, be strong enough to take it on chin, and kind enough not to point fingers at her. The rewards will be greater than you can imagine.

This should help the two of you to get to the bottom of this and hopefully bring back the good times.

Answer 7

Love making doesn't start in the bedroom--it ends there.

You need to romance her, not just ask for sex. In fact romance her repeatedly without asking. Kiss her hand, rub her shoulders, and walk away.

Cook dinner and wash the dishes--there is nothing sexier than a man in the kitchen.

Send her flowers for no reason.

Take her shopping for a new dress or piece of jewelry and don't discuss the price.

Take her out on a date. A nice restaurant, a concert, a movie, someplace nice, something she would like. Tell her how pretty she looks.

When you do do it. Set up a romantic atmosphere in the dimly lit bedroom--in case she has self-esteem issues the darkened room will help. Buy and use sexual lubricant like K-Y jelly (she might be of an age where she needs a little help in that area). Make sure she is satisfied before you are.

Answer 8

Your going to think I'm a looney but hear me out: Don't assume that she's having an affair or bored with you. Women can loose interest for lots of different reasons( I know that this is a little hard for men to understand).
Have you asked her? That would be your best bet.
If you not sure how to approch it then do a special dinner or something, but plan a time, turn off the phones, lock the door and talk to her. And when she starts talking..LISTEN. If somethings bothering her it may take a little time for her to get to the root of it.

Answer 9

for some women, their sex drive decreases with time, or because of medication, because of being very busy with jobs and kids. The 2 of you need to talk it out and see if you can agree to a compromise. Suggest giving her a 10 minute back rub before anything else. If you drink, perhaps a glass of wine, to relax her hectic day. Has either of you gained a lot of weight? That can be a big put-off. People say it should not matter but it does. Compromise to 1 or 2 certain days of the week to devote time to each other. For many--sex just isn't all that great. Best wishes.

Answer 10

It could be anything she may not feel well she may be stressed. It does not necessairily mean cheating. Talk with her in a non demanding way. If she feels that you care perhaps she can open up to her. Try helping her with her stressors around the house and also try being romantic with her. Take her on dates. Be affectionate physically without demanding sex just be affectionate. This does not mean that she does not love you. Just work with her. If she just had a baby this could be it. Babies make women lose that for a while sometimes. Just be kind and try those things. Do not worry unless there is another reason to worry like you see signs of cheating this in itself is not a sign of a woman cheating.

Answer 11

Either your sex life has become very boring or she is just really doesn't feel like having sex. Women don't think about sex as much as men do, some women could actually live without it. If your relationship is healthy in all other areas, try spicing up the sex life by trying new things and start romancing her at the beginning of the day and all throughout the day and then maybe she'll be ready for it by night fall. Women are like a roast....we take all day to heat up but when we finally do...we are delicious!!