Why does my husband need pornography so bad?

Question

At one point in my marriage I was finding tons and tons of sexually explicit pictures on our home computer. I asked my husband about it and told him how it made me feel (which wasn't too good after two previous affairs). We made an agreement that he wouldn't save any more pictures to our computer which was fine with me. Another way to explain it, was that we agreed that he could look but he couldn't "hold onto" those pictures. Now he's got a pda and one of his buddies had been sending him pornographic pictures which I can deal with because boys with be boys. Now he's asking me if he can put some more on there. Shouldn't he honor our contract? And if he says it puts him in the mood to make love to me what is that supposed to mean? I feel like I don't turn him on anymore. How am I supposed to feel when we make love knowing he's only in the mood because of some "exotic" pictures on his pda?

Answer 1

Porn is disruptive to the intimacy and safety of the relationship.
* You will feel "cheated on" by your partner because he needs something other than you in order to become aroused.
* You will feel insecure about your body, your sexuality and your ability to satisfy your partner.
* You will feel emotionally distant and separate from your partner during sex, worrying that he is not completely "there" with you.
* You will feel angry and resentful towards your partner for not respecting your feelings..
* You will eventually feel turned off to sex, since for you, it is associated with humiliation, control and a feeling of inadequacy.

Regularly indulging in sexual fantasy about other people, whether in one’s mind, through reading magazines or watching films, is a form of infidelity. You have made a commitment to be sexually monogamous with your partner, and you break it by deliberately focusing your sexual attention on someone else. Your "look but don't touch" didn't work out.

Answer 2

2

Answer 3

I have been married a long time and my husband has always had porn and pictures,( when we got married i bought him a subscription to Hustler Magazine for a wedding present). But not all women are as understanding as I am.
The thing is guys are guys and just because they get married doesn't stop them from having sexual fantasies. Did it stop you from having fantasies? Probably not.
The same old sex or the same partner for many, many years gets boring. I think most people will agree to this. As there are many ways to put a little spice in the relationship.
Try buying some sexy lingerie, or buying a sex game to play(these are great to find out what your partner likes and dislikes, what turns him on and what doesn't). Try putting in a porn movie some night, with candles and soft lighting in the background.
If none of this interests you than maybe he's not the problem, maybe you need to find your sexual appetite, wants, needs, or desires.
If this truly does bother or offend you than he should respect your wishes but, it may push him further, and further away from the relationship.
Most importantly don't feel like you don't turn him on anymore, this has nothing to do with it. Remember Men think about sex every 6-7 minutes every day, so it's always on their minds. It's just a guy thing to have pictures and porn lying around it's perfectly natural for them to want to see naked ladies.

Answer 4

well.. join the club..My husband said the same statement to me. I was very offended. He basically screwed up what he was trying to tell me. He told me that I am very attractive, beautiful for that matter (which was nice to hear) and that pictures dont mean anything. His last line he said it was "a guy thing" whatever that is..

WE dont live up to those photos. I am a small woman that has had 3 children. stretch marks and that little kangaroo pouch from being pregnant. Those things are magnified by 100 when I look at those perfect gals he was looking at. I am sure you know what I am talking about. The good thing is, normal men know that REAL woman dont look like that. When I say real I mean US.. the ones with a good mind, personality and that can love them. Those photos dont have those things, they cant have a relationship with them. The image might turn him on but you are the one that actually gets him hot :) I bet he loves you too..

If there is a man out there that looks at those photos and things their wife has to look like that or do those things then they have a really big issue..addiction..

I look at it this way, at least he is at home with me andis honest about the pictures.

Answer 5

It's not about how you look, it's not about what you do for him. PORNOGRAPHY is an addiction. If you are unwilling to life with this for the rest of your life, leave him. I deal with the same problem, and am at the turning point in my marriage (not jus because of the porn) that I have to make a decision to stay or leave. It's not easy, but that's the way it is. Best wishes to you :) As for me, I dont' think I can live with it any longer (BTW, I didn't know about this before I got married).

Answer 6

It's an addiction. Just like him being an alcoholic or a crackhead. It'll only get worse. It comes down to you making one of two choices. Leave him and never look back. Or commit to working through it and him commiting to overcoming this addiction. I have to honest with you. It's easier to just pack up and leave than to continue on the rollercoaster ride that you've been on and will continue to be on for a while even if he is serious about getting help and is working on it constantly.

Answer 7

i'm an identical way, i do in comparison to porn. some women it would not project, and a few it does. Your husband knew from the beginning up the way it makes you sense, and he promised he would not seem at it. you have a suited to be mad by way of fact he did deceive you, and you have been very in improve with him. If this grew to become into something he could no longer stay via, he would not have have been given married. whether that's to the element the place you prefer to call your marriage off, i think of that the two one in all you're able to pass to counseling. consistent with threat this might make him comprehend that he does have a project by way of fact he lied to you and consistent with threat it's going to make him to comprehend extra why this hurts you.

Answer 8

How do you look.. I mean have you changed a great deal since you first met ?? You must also remember men are very visual when it comes to sex.. Where as women are emotional.. Then again he could just be a pig that dosent respect women.. And he could be a porno addict.. I would need more information to answer your question better.. But I hope this helps.. But he should honor your contract..

Dave

Answer 9

i know exactly how you feel, in fact my husband has the same problem and he promises over and over that he will stop, but he doesn't. he goes long periods of time without it and then it happens again. you should talk to him, and try counseling. if he loves you and respects your feelings he would stop, when he continues knowing that it hurts you he doesn't respect you. maybe he thinks that you guys may have a fight over his "problem", but you won't leave him over it, at least that's how my husband acts. i am sorry, i understand how hard it is to deal with the feelings his actions cause. God bless you

Answer 10

Honest answer: Some men need porn to be on.Also they have addiction.And porn is replacing everything in their minds.After they saturated their minds with porn,many of those men start to have problems in their sex's life (too much porn,kill their minds and turn them sexually off).Others start to become homosexuals.A healthy man does not need porn.A healthy man only need his beautiful wife,to be sexually happy and enough,to get satisfaction.Good question.I prefer do not go to porn.I prefer have sex with my baby woman,and that is better,and real indeed.Good luck.He need professional help.He has addiction to porn.