I am almost divorced, but my husband and I have started seeing each other again. The old problems we had are all but gone, and I DO see a change in him. Plus, he is and always has been sexier than anything or anyone I've ever seen and he sparks a fire in me that could melt me faster than lava.
But on the other hand, I have a boyfriend that I started seeing after I filed for divorce, and he is sweet, sensitive, considerate, intelligent, and very very supportive of me. He has never hurt me and goes so far as to anticipate my needs and see to them. He even knows I slipped and did it to my husband, but he doesn't know we are 'talking' again.
My husband wasn't the greatest guy when we were together, but he did have some good moments.
I am so torn. My husband is willing to wait and do whatever and give 200%, and my boyfriend HAS given that, and continues to give, and even when I deserve to be dumped and dogged out.
Who do I stay with, what do I do???
I love them both. =(
2006-11-18 15:49:27 · 18 answers · asked by lilac b 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
There is a reason why your almost divorced. I would say in time be back there again. I would stay with the boyfriend and take you time before you take the plunge to marry again. Its nice you Ex husband has changed but you both need to move on for whatever reasons you got the divorce in the first place with surface again in time.
2006-11-18 16:29:41 · answer #1 · answered by wildrose 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You said it all..... You love them both... They both deserve honesty, and you should give it to them. Tell them that you love them both and you can love two men without taking any love away from either. Tell them emotionally, that each, in their own way fulfills differenct emotional needs and desires.
Tell them that you want an intimate (emotionally or otherwise) with both of them. Talk to each individually and then, if they are comfortable with it, all three of you talk.
This might give you an idea of the structure and meaning of a polyamorous relationship. The link is:
http://www.polyamorysociety.org/
Having this discussion with both of them will allow all the truth to come out about how you feel and either one of them might decide, on their own to step away from the relationship, which would be their choice, or you might grow into relationships where you, and they feel more fulfilled that you ever had been before, (I know, for me that was the way it was)
But remember, these kind of relationships are hard work, but worth every effort. Honesty, trust, and communications are essential.
If there is any way I could help further, let me know. My email address is on my "Answers" profile.
2006-11-19 00:31:35 · answer #2 · answered by jryanwinterhaven 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think that you will be able to decide when the time is right, but not before then. I wish that i could help you more but all that i can say is that do you think that as soon as you get remarried with your husband that he will stay the same of really truly change. And what if you stayed with your boyfriend. Would he ever change in a bad way? Do you think that he would act different as soon as you 2 really got into a really deep relationship? I hope that i helped. good luck on your decision.
2006-11-19 00:02:16 · answer #3 · answered by jamie 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You aren't confused honey...things just started to happen all at once and before you knew it, you made yourself one of those nasty little triangles that turns your stomach in knots. It seems your heart is in the right place with this, so I'm going to give you advice that I use when I need to make big decisions. Go somewhere quiet....where you like to think. If you haven't done it before, somewhere overlooking water works really well for this. You need to be alone. Then close your eyes and clear your mind of all the chaos going on now. Dont' think about any decisions, don't think about the pros and cons...completely block it all out until you see nothing and feel at peace. Then picture your future ten years from now. Picture yourself having children, sitting on the front porch swing, or walking through a park....Who's next to you? Which one of the guys is in the vision? That's your answer hon...it's where your heart lies. We often don't realize it, but before we even ask for advice, we already know the answers to our own questions...we just want someone to concur. I wish you luck on a lifetime of happiness honey. And rest assured, this happens to more people than you think...some of us just don't like to admit it.
2006-11-19 01:03:33 · answer #4 · answered by Hollynfaith 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The husband almost always wins.
Of course your boyfriend is everything. You found him when you werent happy with your hubby. He is automatically everything hubby is not (however wrong that may actually be... or not!)
You married him. If you have a spark still, and the desire... work on it girl. You married him for a reason, didnt you? You at the very least, owe it to yourself to truly decide what, and who, your heart really wants.
2006-11-19 00:27:27 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
it sounds to me that maybe you need to think about the boyfriends feelings more than your own, if you really cared about him you would not have slipped up w/your husband, also it sounds to me like your love for your husband is still there, meaning if you choose to stay w/ your b/f then you will never fully be able to give him the love he gives you, and that isnt fair, he sounds like agreat guy, dont put him in a situation where he may get hurt and possibly turn into a bitter man.
2006-11-19 00:16:38 · answer #6 · answered by donnakygirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say get out of both relationships for now and find yourself and what you truly want then the answers would be clear for you. If you think you must stay with your husband because of whatever reason then I would definately seek counseling together before you get back in the relationship.
2006-11-19 00:09:31 · answer #7 · answered by cherokee 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Divorce is a weak thing in todays world. Yoy haven't mentioned children. If there are children then go to marrige counciling.Maybe you need to tell this guy friend you need some space for awhile because you have issues you need to handle alone.Go back and think of the day your husband asked you to get married then think back of your wedding day,honey moon, and all the memories. Is it worth throwing them all away? GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!!God Bless
2006-11-19 00:28:11 · answer #8 · answered by mydesella 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It depends how long have you known your husband compare to the new guy, in my opinion now you're holding the ace so be careful which to chose, chose wisely. You are the one that have a close moments with these people therefore the last verdict is yours good luck.
2006-11-19 00:02:37 · answer #9 · answered by StuPenDus 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you want to work on your marriage - then dump the boyfriend. A boyfriend will also seem better. You loved hubby enough once to marry him, Go to retrouvaille.org, sign up with him for a weekend, and change your life forever.
2006-11-18 23:55:24 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋