I have a very important question and I only want mature answers?

Question

My sister, who is older than I, has five children. She is not living with them right now because she cannot afford to get a place of her own. She was staying in a shelter and she has always been on welfare. The oldest of her children calls me and tells me that the people she is staying with beats them and they don't get enought to eat and they don't have any clothes to wear to school. The girl is 9 years old.
There is too much going on for me to type everything but let me say this: my sister is a hoe and she has a different "boyfriend" every two weeks.
I feel so badly for these kids because they are my blood. So much so that I am to the point where I'm just going to call children services and have them go into the system. I have already spoken to the department of children affairs and they told me what I need to do to get custody of them. But it will take awhile because I live in a different State.
I am married and I have no kids, my husband has a good career and I want to finish

school and go into real estate.
Is this wrong for me to do to my sister?

THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR YOUR POSITIVE SUPPORT!

Believe me, I've done so much worrying and praying about, and I can't wait to get them so I can start investing for their college and teaching them (I love children) but at the end of the day, I can't stop thinking about what I will be doing to my sister. I spoke to my brother about it and he was so pisssed about all the things these kids have been through that he is willing to tell her that he called CPS and she can be upset with him.

to answer your question Wendytyo, we did talk to her about her giving us the kids for a year so she can get on her feet and save money. BUT.... she says she has a problem with saving and she is going through a divorce right now so the kids cannot leave the State until it is final. In the mean time, they have to live like this. I can't wait a year until they have some stability, it hurts everytime I talk to the 9year old and I already told her whats going to happen when the CPS gets involved. I told her to tell them everything and not to be afraid, I also told her that when they get placed into foster care she can call me anytime and I will KIT with her. I told her it might be awhile before they will come and stay with me because they have to do a background check on me and my husband (he is in the military)
She's okay with it. She keeps asking me to come and get them everytime I talk to her.

One of the 9 year olds questions was if the people who are treating them badly will go to jail.
Isn't that so sad?

Answer 1

Take care of the children

Answer 2

No matter what happens you are truly a saint and those kids need someone in their corner. I pray that your husband is understanding and that it doesn't cause a strain on your marriage. Here's the thing though, your sister needs help too. Don't give up on her just yet because people do have the power to change. For now though, get those kids and love them and you will receive all of the blessings. I just will say that understand that you might get some drama from your sis and as long as she is biological she could be the biggest hindrance. Some people may not agree with me but inform the sister of your intentions and see where her mindset is. Doing this can let you know what to expect in the future. Once again, there need to be more people like you in the world. Family is the most important thing in life no matter what the circumstance.

Good luck and I pray things work out the way you want them to.

Answer 3

Your desire to help the children by taking them is not wrong. They are already "in the system," and if the oldest says they are being beaten and don't have enough to eat, you should call the child abuse hotline immediately.

When children need to go into foster care, children's services generally look for family members who can take the kids first. Of course, if you're in another state, they would weigh whether or not the kids need a short term or long term placement, and would only send them to you if they needed a long term placement. Sounds like that's where you're at.

I'm glad you and your husband want to do this, but it is an absolutely huge job. You are not betraying your sister in any way by wanting to provide stability to her children; if she thinks you are than she is not mature enough herself to be a parent. If I couldn't afford a home for a while I would kiss the feet of either of my siblings who would offer to take my kids, knowing how uncertain foster care is. Sounds like your sister has bipolar disorder or something like that.

I hope you can get the kids and that you have the easiest possible experience with the whole thing. Blessings on you and your husband.

NEW ADDITION: Your added info is interesting. It sounds fishy... kids can't leave the state until the divorce is final? If they're not living with a parent (which is the usual reason) then WHY? And they're "not yet in the system"? Are they in county-monitored fostercare, or not? Are they just staying with your sister's friends? If they're in real fostercare, then they are in the system already. And if they're staying with your sister's friends (or her husband's friends, or whatever), then they are NOT being monitored, heaven knows what could be happening to these kids and someone should call the child abuse hotline right away.

I'm with Wendytyo, don't make your sister feel bad about her inability to provide a stable home right now, but don't put the kids' need to be safe second to her need to feel okay. That's just backward and wrong.

Answer 4

Honey, as a social worker, a mother of five and a brother and sister in law with the same issues (Hubby's side of the family), I not only feel your pain but I understand. Because I work in the system and I have great friends, I didn't have to turn them in, but I did manage to get them court orded parenting classes as well as have home visits three times a week. Lucky for me, they live in the same town so I get to take the babies quite often too (they are 2, and 2 mos.). You are in a different situation. But it's not one without resolution. There is a way for you to obtain those children now, it's just going to take the cutting of some red tape. As parents, prior to the divorce, they can dictate where the children should reside. If they are both in agreement, it can be done and will be ordered. However, I don't think your sister is being quite honest with you. Chances are, she's using them as a meal ticket and has no intentions of changing their situation. Which leaves you with one of two options. One, you can consult with their father and explain what is going on, hopin to gain his sympathy, and allow the move to take place, or two, you can call social services in her area and talk with a social worker. Explain your intent from the very beginning, then go into your sister's history, and then go into the welfare of the children. This way she'll work with you and advise you of the laws in that state. If you just call to make a report, those children are going to be removed, possibly split up and who knows what happens next. Social services would rather place the children with a loving family member before they go to foster care...even if you are far away. It's easier on the kids, the parents can still visit and the family unit remains a family unit. Once they go into the system, it's hard to get them out. Until it's done, call your neice often, stay on your sister's good side, and get the help of a social worker in your sister's state to help you...that's what we are there for...to help when we can. I can't see them turning their back on you in a situation like this. I wish you the best of luck and God Bless you for your willingness to take on such a huge responsibility.

Answer 5

My heart goes out to you and those children. My little niece was only 4 when a policeman called me and said my sister was dui again, had a wreck, and I had just 2 hours to get to the station or she'd be taken to foster care. I am so grateful they gave me the chance to rescue my niece, they didn't have to.

She now lives very happily with her daddy and stepmom. I'm sorry my sister had to give up her baby, but I was forced to testify about the alcoholism and the nights she disappeared, leaving the girl asleep in her bed. My sister still drinks- it never changed.

I pray your sister will get her act together and be a better mom in the future. Until then though, please put aside your sister's feelings and do what's best for the children. Don't let them be separated in DFACS and foster care, I think they've been through enough without losing each other too.

Once you have them, it may be the catalyst for her to turn her life around. You are doing the right thing.

Answer 6

The question here is it wrong for your sister to be allowing this to happen to her children. You are a wonderful person to consider doing this for the five children. You will be blessed, and they will be blessed to have you and your husband to love and care for them. As for you sister? What has she ever done to provide for them? Nothing, and they have known nothing but abuse. I would worry about the 5 little lives that are counting on someone that loves them and would help them. She has made her decision which she wanted to choose, and it wasn`t her children. I wouldn`t worry about what she thinks. She might straighten up for a little while, but she would be right back where she is now, and so would her five children. As one answer said, becareful letting them go into the system. It will become a nightmare for the kids.

Answer 7

Like the old song says,"If this is wrong, I don't want to be right". Dear, you are doing exactly the best thing for these kids. Your sister, for whatever reason, does not know the first thing about responsibility and parenting. Your heart is smack dab in the right place, and apparently, so is your head. You did and are doing the right thing. I hope that everything good comes your way because you deserve it. And when these kids are finally able to be with you, and find out what a "mom and dad" truly are, your heart will burst. Bravo.

Answer 8

Oh, Sweetie, if you have any way to carry on with this mission to save the kids, at all costs...please do so. The 9 yuear old story breaks my heart...I could get in the car and drive there right now to fix it if I could! Your sister may be good at having children, but now, in this time when she cannot care for them, you would be an angel in the life of each and every one you CAN help.
Time and circumstances may make her turn her life around, but bad interim care by folks who keep the children can scar them for a lifetime--your sister's maternal instincts ought to make her want the best for them, and she has GOT to know at some level that where they are now is not the BEST for them.
Bless and hug your brother for me for offering to be the
"bad guy" in this unfolding story of the children's salvation.
I wish your family all the best.

Answer 9

Who really cares about what is going to happen to your sister, she does not deserve to have these children obviously and she obviously could care less about them or she would grow up get a real job and raise these kids and give them what they deserve. Children do not ask to be brought into this world we as the parents make that choice for them and once we make that choice it is our responsibility to bend over backwards to give them what they deserve in this world. I am just appaled that your sister is so damn ignorant that she could do this to these poor kids, you do what you need to do to get them kids and give them a good home. Do you think that your sister goes to bed at night worrying wether they ate dinner or not. Obviously not if the kids are calling you, so why do you care what she is going to go through. I wish you the best of luck and I hope the kids can get a good home with you soon they deserve it.

Answer 10

Is your husband in agreement with you on the custody thing-those are your sisters kids do the best that you can to help them but why should you put your life on hold for your sister-you have to think about what you and your husband want out of life-do you want to be saddle down with your sisters kids and put yours and your husband life on hold while she enjoy herself.those are her kids not yours-God Bless you for wanting to do that for your blood if she put them into the system she will have to pay for that and not you-kids don't forget-help them as much as you can and stop there-she will pay-taking the kids could have a very bad effect on your marriage-so watch out-think-take a good look-because you will have a problem with your sister if you have the kids because she will be at your door all of the time saying that those are my kids and making your life miserable

Answer 11

Fair for your sister isn't the question, is it fair for the kids, I would say yes. They need to eat, and have clothes. If she cannot provide what the kids need then put them where someone can. But, if I were you, I would give her a warning first, tell her if she doesn't straighten up that you are going to call the child protective services. Understand that more than likely, if you put them through the system they are going to get split up, and with a mother like they have, they probably are tight, that's going to break their hearts. So, if you are going to go through with it, I hope you consider taking in your own family.