Should a couple live together before marriage?

Question

My boyfriend and I come from religious bakgrounds except my family is a lot more religious and controling than his. My family would not stand for it. "Shacking" as it is termed is believed to be a sin. I don't think it's the act of living together, but what happens when lovers live in the same house and sleeping in the same bed. We have a baby together, but to my family there's a difference between committing a sin and living in sin daily. We have never spent the night together because of the respect (or fear) I have for my family. We plan to be married within the next 2 years, but he thinks it's a good idea to live together first to really know what we are getting ourselves into.
FYI: We're in our mid 20's and we both have great careers, if that makes a diff.

Answer 1

I think it's best if you wait. I'm old-fashioned though.

Answer 2

Ok, I too am a born again christian but unlike most I want spend time giving you a lot of scriptures (although I am anti-shacking). Here is the problem, whether he or you like it or not, you wil be in each others life forever now that you have a child. Then there is the fact that since you have been together for a while you like have experienced eah other in many ways. From my point of view, if you can live together, you can marry. In living together you will have the same issues as marriage, the only difference is that in the event that you want to get out of the relationship, in living together you can just walk out (or can you?) and in marriage the court get's involved. In reality, the issues is not marriage versus living together, it is committment. In marrriage there is an expressed and implied mandated committment. In living together, there is a false sense of "freedom." This false sense of freedom suggests that you are committed but easily capable of acting as you feel without regard to committment.
Great career or not, marriage is the right thing to do especially if you are committed already. But I do warn you not to get married under the concern for religious beliefs, that would be tragic. Do the right thing, marry and raise your child. Go in with the understanding that challenges are in every relationship and though the grass seems green on the other side, it is often not. Two people have to work together, accept each others difference and daily pray for each other. You can make it. You have a good foundation, that is, you both know God.
Blessings and you have my prayers!!!!!

Answer 3

I think its a great idea for a couple to live together before marriage. My fiance and I had an excellent relationship for two and a half years before we got an apartment together. The whole first month after we got a place, we argued nearly everyday. It was scary...I thought it would end our relationship. Finally we sat down to try to figure out what was going wrong and it all boiled down to the shock of the responsibilities we had being out on our own...before now we lived with our own parents. Now we are doing great and understand each other and what we clearly expect of each other. We haven't had an argument since. I feel better that all that arguing came before we got married and were just moving in together for the first time. I hope that helps. Since you added your fyi, we are also mid 20s and he's an accountant and I'm a med student...if that helps you to identify yourself more with someone who is trying to give you advice. Good luck!

Answer 4

I agree with what someone else said on here.....
You already have a child together.... then I think you should know what you're getting into.

You will NEVER really know until the marriage vows are exchanged, granted you will see more "normal" behavior from him, but if you are a Christian and want to live a life that is pleasing to the Lord (sure we all make mistakes - but you've moved on now) and it is the Lord you fear (NOT YOUR FAMILY) then continue to date longer.

I don't feel moving in together is the answer, if you two are living the Christian life, then you should be coming together in prayer and seeking the Lord and the direction He has for you.

Give the Lord some time,,,, follow His ways,,,, He WILL let you know what is best for you.

Answer 5

You are in your mid 20's, you have your own child, and you are still worried about Mommy and Daddy? Your BF is absolutely correct! You need to live together to give yourself a chance to do a little separating from your family...at your age, you should not be asking this question here..you should already have the answers. The fact that you are asking here sheds some doubt on your sincerity about marrying the guy. You need to sit back and take a good look at yourself and your feelings. Stop putting this on your parents...it is squarely on yours shoulders, isn't it?

Answer 6

I definately understand about the respect for your parents but where is there mutual respect for you two. If you are both in your mid 20's and have great careers in my mind you are both mature enough to make your own choices in life. You have a child together for god sake !!!!!! As far as l am concerned they are being very prudish in their beliefs. The bottom line is it is your lives, you do what you feel in your hearts is the right thing for you two and just let them deal with it. Only you two can decide what you want, no-one should make that choice for you. After all you are not children anymore. I say go for it and good luck.

Answer 7

I would never marry someone I hadn't lived with, but I'm not religious.

I would advise living together before marriage, but if this is out of the question, I would like to think you have spent at least 4 years together and spent a lot of time together, so that you know each other well, otherwise I wouldn't get married.

It's a HUGE commitment
you don't want to be marrying someone you don't know very well.

Answer 8

Studies show that there is absolutely no advantage in living together. The divorce or a break up happens at the same time. For example, a couple who is destined to be divorced in 3 years, would get divorced in 1 year, if they lived together for 2 years before marriage.

Answer 9

specific specific specific and extra specific. stay jointly, on your individual the place issues could have a extra helpful threat at getting actual. people could nicely be jointly and happy for years and years then get married, pass in jointly and are depressing interior a 12 months. Marriage isn't something extra suitable than an rather costly peice of paper with your signatures on it, that could grow to be yet another very costly peice of paper with an identical signatures to cancel out the 1st one. The tax motives arent even nicely worth it. Love is like it doesnt could be made criminal to be defined. It cant be offered or offered. purchase a marriage via getting married and spending all that moneyon a great party and textile issues to make it as specific as obtainable and pass on trip, (the plant existence die, the party ends, the honeymoon ends, the band is going directly to play different gigs, the outfits get hung up or shoved in a closet by no ability to be worn returned, the presents get saved or used up or injury or get upgraded in a 12 months) sell a marriage via spending additional money to get divorced and all those supplies dont mean a component anymore. LOVE is a reason to throw a party at your homestead whenever you prefer, and pass on trip whenever you prefer. Proving your love via social standards doesnt make it actual. stay jointly, as married couples do without all of the frills, after a 12 months or 2 you would be content textile with your relationship, waiting to go away, or prefer to get married. You wouldnt gulp a peculiar and wonderful drink without attempting out it first, or dedicate to something for the the remainder of your existence whilst there are actually not any ensures. i'm hoping i'm making experience.

Answer 10

You claim you two are religious. Perhaps. But, I know of no religion that favors premarital sex, or living together without marriage. So, lets forget your religious convictions. You apparently fear your parent's reaction. So, do you expect Mom and Dad to read our replies and decide it's OK for their daughter to "shack up"? Apparently, your religious boyfriend is willing to wait a couple years to marry- but is horny now, and tired of having to rent motels, screw in the car, sneak you into his parent's house, or his apartment, and is too worn out after you sleep together to keep driving you home. So, he has decided it's God's plan that you two should live together. A handy revelation. You say you both have great careers. Since you two are sooo in love, why wait two years to marry? He wants a trial marriage. A wonderful plan, but why just trial marriage? Does he favor working his job for a few months before his employers decides if he wants to pay him? Or, wearing his suits for a few months before deciding if he really wants to keep them? Miss, doesn't your "religion" favor being truthful? This question is just an attempt to rationalize what you know isn't correct behavior. You know how things are supposed to be. Do what you want, and quit trying to sugar coat your plan by using religion.

Answer 11

I know it's customary to wait until your married to live together, but I believe you should live together for atleast 6 months. There are things people do in the privacy and comfort of their own home that you dont know about...there are habits and traits that wont be revealed until after you have lived with the person. Do they do the dishes right after they use them? Do they leave their towel on the bathroom floor? This is this persons home, their comfort zone....you will learn a lot, things you never thought you knew....trust me