Friend with Benefits?

Question

I just asked my co worker to be my "friend with benefits." So, we spent our lunch break having sex at another friend's house. I'm totally fine with idea except that we are both married. My marriage is crappy anyway and my husband is always gone for weeks at a time and that is why I went looking for something else. I don't know about his marriage but I don't expect anything from him but sex. We discussed it thoroughly before actually doing anything. Do you think this situation can actually work???

I've tried to "warn" my husband about this. He has been doing this job for over a year and I told him how I feel and also that this is the kind of thing that could push me into cheating. My friend is a former cop so I think we can cover our tracks well. Also, it has only happened once and we haven't discussed it happening again yet.

Answer 1

If you need to look for something, ANYTHING, outside of your relationship, it's because the relationship is not fulfilling you. Probably it wasn't fulfilling you before all this, but with your husband traveling so much, you came to realize it now.

I'm not going to judge you, I'm no-one to judge you. But you should really think about the real reasons behind all of this. Is it really just about sex? were you sexally unsatisfied before he started travelling? you think he cares more about his job than you? you think you are not an important part of his life (by that I mean that you don't take the place in his heart you wish to took)? you think he's cheating on you?

Sex doesn't come alone. I mean, you're not just having sex with a co-worker because you need to satify a physiological need. Sex it's not a physiological need.

If you ask me, this is just the tip of the iceberg and you're gonna have to dive deeper to solve this.

Answer 2

First of all let me just say it will never work out. I have heard "friends with benefits" too. I had an affair with a married woman who also said she was not happy at home. She lves with an alcoholic husband that also treats her like a piece of furniture. We meet online what would be now 4 year ago. We never actually meet in person until we had talked for 6 months online. Then we escaped for a weekend together in another State for a festival.

After all it was just supposed to be a mutual saxual satisifying weekend. We stayed locked up in the hotel all weekend long. There after we parted and made plans to get together again. We started looking for opportunitys to see each other. Then one thing lead to another and we both knew that it was now more then just friends. We had gotten involved with each other emotionally.

Now what were we going to do. We started to make plans to be together permanently.

Now on top of all this how where we going to tell our families about our affair and that we cared for each other? Well on part that was easy I am divorced and can do as I please. Her on the other hand being married could not just walk away she had children 2 grown ones and one 8 year old.

Eventually I knew we were never going to be a couple so I told her maybe we should end it. We did and fr the last year and a half I have regretted it. I did care for her so much. But I also cared enough to let her go.

Answer 3

Your spending a lot of effort trying to make everybody think it’s your husband’s fault. “I've tried to "warn" my husband about this. He has been doing this job for over a year and I told him how I feel and also that this is the kind of thing that could push me into cheating.” “my husband is always gone for weeks at a time and that is why I went looking for something else.” who you trying to kid besides yourself? What you haven’t done is make an honest effort to sit down and explain exactly to your husband your sex drive issues. If you can’t, then have all the sex you want with whoever you want,, just be an adult woman and tell your husband you want a divorce first. And, choose SINGLE guys in the future for “friends w/benefits!! Don’t make your “issues” other innocent people’s heartbreaks. See, you already have another "friend" involved using their bed for your romp, which no doubt you expect to lie for you if your husband asks the "friend"?

Answer 4

ok! This really pisses me off to begin with. Put yourself in your spouses shoes how would you feel! BINGO!!! First off if you are not happy rather than cheat get a divorce at least do that much for you both. It will eventually catch up with you and get real ugly. I say go for some counseling for you first off and if your husband chooses to get involved thats great. I just wonder did he work the same job when you married him and also be thankful he has a job and helps supports the household! But again I stress get some counseling for you. Evidently you do not like yourself and until you do you can never love anyone else. Think about it! Hope this helps I am not terying to be mean just honest---you asked!

Answer 5

I can't believe that you can actually ask such a stupid question and expect to get a non judegemental answer. You both took vows to be with other people and because you BOTH are SELFISH PIGS, did either one of you IDIOTS stop to think of the other 2 people that are involved in this little game you are playing? Did either of you stop and think (OBVIOUSLY NOT) what will happen if you get caught which 99.9% of the time you do. Who will get hurt from your SELFISH IMMATURE act? Grow up and stop acting like a ****** if you are so damn unhappy in your marraige then be a real WOMAN and divorce your husband and at least give him a chance to find a REAL WOMAN that will make him happy. I am sure that you are sticking around for financial reasons that is another reason why you are such a selfish woman. GROW UP

Answer 6

You are playing a very dangerous game. First of all what is done in the dark will come to light. You planned to sleep with another man because things were not right at home?? Do you know what a lawyer could do with this informatin??? Oh by the way you better have a good one because you posted the question so you have acknowledge your deceit. Second, you are deceiving the other man because though you talked about it how do you know he is not developing feelings. You say it is just sex, but it is never just sex. I hope there are no kids involved in either household because the example you are setting is just down right terrible. What is crappy is that you are OK with it. You need to seek professional help. Woman always complain about men wanting them just for their bodies, and I guess you flipped the script. But what you have done is made it hard on the unsuspecting wife. And what if your husband did find out. DANGEROUS!!! They talk about a woman scorn but you are setting yourself up for a man's fury. Besides, how can you penalize a man for working? Just because his job is out of town, you can't control your hormones enough to wait for him to return.

You took a vow in front of God and I don't know if you believe, but don't you know that you will have to answer for this?? Don't you know that adultery is a sin??? Or is it that all you care about is what is good for you????

Now I know I have no right to judge you but I hope you really think about what I have said. Legally you are in trouble. Physically you are in trouble. Spiritually you are in trouble. So I guess my answer to you is no it can't work. You need to make some changes asap.

Answer 7

That is cheating any way you want to look at it. If you are so unhappy with your marriage, get out of it. You have no respect for your self, your husband, the co-worker, or his wife. What would you do if you was being faithful to your husband and you found out that he cheated on you, pleaseeee. Get real, cheating is cheating any way you want to look at it. Just get a divorce from your husband so he can find a woman that will treat him better than you. I don't care if your husband is gone a lot, that is no excuse to cheat on him. I'm not going to call you what I think you are, you already know..........


By the way, no it will not work!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 8

I had an aquaintance who did this so called 'friends with benefits" thing. They WERE also both married. To make a long story short, they are now both divorced because their spouses found out eventually. And no, their relationship did not work out.

The only thing you both will end up accomplishing here is hurt the very people you gave your marriage vows to. If you both have children, do you realize how many more innocent people you're going to end up hurting because of your own selfishness?

Answer 9

it will work for a short while, and then it will cause a huge explosion. get a divorce, lady. the only problem is that when you do, this affair won't be so exciting coz it won't be off-limits. it's fine for you, coz you obviously don't give a flying sh*t about your marriage, so if your hubby finds out, you won't care. but think of the other person's wife. if his marriage is on the rocks too and he doesn't care either, then continue with this affair if you don't mind being labelled as a horrible b***h, coz nobody's feelings are at stake. you are pretty brave you know...good luck, you're gonna need it (i don't know if you deserve it though...)

Answer 10

a resounding no. not only are putting the cobash on your own marriage but you are bringing an innocent person into the mix. what did his wife ever do to you? if you want to have a friends with benefits kind of relationship with anyone...go the extra mile and get a friggin divorce . then you don't have to worry about anyone but you. although it seems like that is all you are doing anyway.