Why don't you have sex?

Question

Ok...for all you married folk who don't get it on...

So, two people fall in love. They court. They get married. They love each other dearly and do anything to make each other happy...except have sex. Sex isn't everything in a relationship, but you have to admit that it does play a part. I do what it takes to make my man happy...if he's happy, then I'm happy. And vice versa. It's in the vows. To cherish...To have and to hold...etc...

There are married couples who have sex less than 5 times a month. Seriously...it's true.

I'm trying to understand a certain category of people...I am serious.

Ladies, I know you love your man, but why would you turn sex down? Your man wants you...not someone else. Why don't you try to show him you appreciate him...in this way?

Men, do you turn sex down from your wife? Why would you?

What makes a married couple not want to have sex? (Please don't say because of the kids. I have one.)

Thanks.

To those with honest answers...I thank you. Thank you.

Answer 1

If a woman gives you the answer as to why she turns her husband down for sex e-mail the answer please. I am in a long term marriage and have not had sex with my wife or anyone else for at least 6 or 7 years. Its been so long that I've forgotten. My wife refused to have sex so often I just got tired of trying and having it end up in an argument so I quit trying. When we were dating and first got married she loved sex but after 4 kids she quit. I am no longer a young man and figure there is no one for me so I have accepted my lot in life as miserable as it is.

Answer 2

You may have one kid, and that's not nearly enough to affect intimate relations with your spouse. I've got four, and *that* is enough to affect our sex life. She's always wiped out, I'm always running around doing errands and working, with not nearly enough hours in the day. By the time all is said and done, it's 11:00 at night and I am just getting a chance to sit down. Not for long, mind you. I get up at 5:00 for work. So, no time. It really, really sucks. But, my kids are the priority right now (they're all under 10 years old). When they get older, the priority will shift back to us. That's just the way I see it. It's not that I enjoy losing that aspect of our relationship, it's knowing that it will last temporarily until the kids get older. My wife is fortunate I'm a patient man. Oh, and my wife usually works Friday & Saturday nights (among others) because we need the income, so those nights are shot, also. Hey, you wanted an honest answer... And, yes, we had sex *all* the time while dating / prior to kids, so I know what's possible, and what to look forward to...

Answer 3

This is a good question and one that is rarely been answered.
There are no right or wrong answers to your question. The question is a relative one and al the facts have to be considered. What I can say though, is that whether the man or the women is not interested in sex is a matter of the emotions. For men sex is driven by what they feel for the person and their need to express how they feel. For a women, sex is usally a product of how the man is making her feel (Is he listening to her, giving her attention and affection without regard to penetration and so forth). My point is that in either case the absence of what they both need and want could create an adverse response and desire for it. Men, when in a relationship will seek sex for expression. But if they don't feel it , it is likely not going to happen. Women, want to express in this manner when the other things in the relationship are right, otherwise they shut down.
On the other hand, there are medical issues on both sides. In the case of the women, it could be menopause. In the case of man it could be erectile dysfunction. Again, there is so many factors that no one can say why one couple or the other may not have sex, but there is one thing that we can all agree on and that is that if this is an issue in your relationship, please seek professional help as sex or lack thereof is one of the evils that causes divorce.

Answer 4

Its not that I am no longer interested in sex, but to be honest, I don't have the energy like I used to. I'd rather get the extra sleep time in.

I work full time, I have 2 kids, I've spent the past 3 years nursing my husband back from a serious auto accident and he does not lift a finger around the house. I'm exhausted taking care of everyone but myself.

If he would pitch in every now and then, take out some trash, carry the laundry, hell, just watch our 2 kids for 10 minutes so I don't have them clinging on my leg as I'm trying to cook dinner. But no, he won't because he's too selfish.

In a nutshell, that is why I'm not that interested anymore. I still think about it a lot, but I don't feel like going out of my way for my husband since he certainly wouldn't for me.

Answer 5

I would say that allot of guys don't know how to help keep the desire alive.. I am a very sexual person but a good sexual relationship does not start as soon as you hit the bed, or whatever. It really starts in the day and how your husband treats you. Does he tell you that you are pretty? Does he do the things that make you feel special and cherished.. Sorry but i think the fact is, not a lot of guys are good at this.. At least keeping it consistent..It takes two.

Answer 6

No I do not turn down se_ from my wife, but she says that she can live without it, and it has now been 7+ years. When I mention that I will go elsewhere, she says just bring the money home and do what you want to do.
I am sure that there are men out here in the world that does the same thing to their wife, that my wife is doing to me.
I guarantee you this much, it is a bumpy road.

Answer 7

Because you get used to it, and somehow it becomes boring, you realize that sex isn't a big deal, everything is tiring, everything. It's not the same to be married for 3 months that have been married for years. If you're really unhappy aout it then you have to talk to him. But just because a married couple doesn't have sex it doesn't mean things are bad and wrong in their marriage

Answer 8

Well kids is basically the main reason for sex. Maybe they do not want kids! Another thing is sometimes this is ridiculous yet amazingly it happens!, kids like 17 years old drop out of school and get married! Some may also have reasons like infertility that puts them down, a psychological block, rape and/or a bad experience that puts sex out of their priorities or wants.

Answer 9

We don't have sex nearly as often as we used to.. I don't think it's because either of us don't want to. We have a baby and that really wears you out. We work hard to get the stuff done that needs to be done and we have very little sleep. Once we finish dinner, do the dishes and put the baby to bed we are tired! Plus the last thing we want to do is wake up the baby, and his room is right next to ours.....There have been times when we are like....hmmmm WHEN was the last time?!?! But I love my hubby and he loves me....we do it as soon as we remember...ha! Neither of us is turning down sex from the other....sometimes life is just really crazy!

Answer 10

I don't get it because I don't want it. I was sexually abused when I was 10 (almost 30 years ago). I did go through counseling when I was in my teens for it. About 2 or 2 1/2 months ago, I caught my husband looking at kiddie porn on the internet. The girl was roughly the same age I was when I was abused. It freaked me out. It brought back ALL the feelings I had then. I feel, now, like I have been through it all over again. I can't stand for him to touch me. I can't stand for him to TRY to touch me. I woke up the other night and he was walking around naked (something he never does). I was extremely uncomfortable with it, because I knew what he was doing. When he couldn't keep his hands off me or stop trying to kiss me I started crying. He swears he wants to help me get over it. I told him AGAIN I don't want sex. He KEPT pushing me for sex. I understand his frustration so much, I suggested he go find a f**k buddy, but he doesn't understand what I am going through. I don't expect him to UNDERSTAND, but I expect him to RESPECT my feelings on this.