Is this cheating? Whats ur opinion?

Question

My boyfriend recently moved to iowa. Any who i kinda sneaked into his email and messenger and i found all these girls on his messenger. He doesnt know that i know about the messenger so i go on and i check it out. Everytime that i check his messenger, thier is a new girl. I even pretend to be someone else and he quickly added me to his messenger (he thinks that i dont know about). I started talking to him and he said he was single (which of course he's not) and that he was looking for someone to love him. He also said that he was single because his past relationships were always on his case 24-7, i also asked him that if he wanted to meet me but he never said yes, he kinda just avoided the question.
I dont know what to think! Should i tell him that its me or should i collect more evidence

He calls me and tells me that he loves me and misses me everyday...

i did it, i was pretending to be the "other girl" and i told him that i would meet him and to give me his number. Sure enough he did and i wrote in huge letters that it was me and he had officially been busted. I also told him that i had someone else ( i dont but i wanted to hurt him) and it felt really good. He called me about a million times. He said he was coming to my house in 2 days to "work" things out. Of course he denied everything, he said that he knew it was me...whatever i didnt believe him...i just feel relieved ....thanks to everyone!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 1

what a jerk. Wish i knew what his name was and where he was in Iowa ( i live there) i would do a little detective work for you. I did that for my friend. i found out he was cheating and knew has going to a bar. so i told my friend. we got her a wig and contacts and we spied on his a$$. we saw what he was up to, so she went up to him, threw off the wig and slapped him. you should im him using a diff name and than say "gotta go..i met a new friend and we are going out. btw..her name is...(say your name) that will get em. whatever happens, wish you luck

Answer 2

You obviously have trust issues with him, either that or you don't have any respect for his personal space and his right to privacy, or you have some sort of compulsion where you just can't help but to go into his private things. (I'm a bit like that!)

Putting that aside, I think he has the right to talk to anyone he wants on messenger or anything.
BUT I would be concerned, I would feel disrespected and hurt and angry if I knew he was telling woman that he was single.

WHY would he do that???

That would set alarm bells off in my head, for sure.

Either he is a cheater, or he gets off on flirting and being deceiptful or he doesn't respect you enough and isn't really that into the relationship.

My advice would be to ask yourself if you seriously love him and care for him and want this to work. If yes, I would admit what you know without blaming him, say you are hurt, and ask for an explanation. See what he says.
If he's a dick about it, then move on. I wouldn't want to be with anyone that can't have a conversation and deal with a particular issue, because **** happens and relationships need communication to survive. If he has a good answer, and is understanding that you are upset, I say you guys can talk about it and work it out.

I don't think you should be in his private stuff like messenger, and he could be angry about that but it he really loves you, he will forgive you.

Answer 3

Make sure you have enough evidence to bury his ***!! If he told you he was single, then that's what he is telling everyone. Unless, he knows he was talking to you. In any event there is no need for him to be on the net meeting all of those women. Is he also meeting guys, and putting them on his messenger? If not, dump him! Long distant relationships fail 75% of the time anyways.

Answer 4

Hi dababy,

I certainly think you have grounds enough to be talking to him about what you have come accross and explain that he was making you suspiscious because he suddenly put your name on his messenger when you walked through the door.

If you tell him that you were responding to his messages and going through them, he will not only be very angry but he will deny everything he has done too. He will also not trust you and end the relationship because you had found him out.

If I were you, I would try very hard to pluck the courage up to leave him because you have the evidence you need to prove that he is chatting up other women and has tried to meet the woman he doesn't know was you. The fact that he has done what he has is no basis for you to want to trust him unless you are wanting to be with someone that has intentions of abusing your trust and cheating on you.

If you feel that by getting him to meet you as the mystery woman he has been chatting to and doesn't know was you, then by all means do it and then leave him. But staying with him isn't an option because he is actively seeking out other woman whilst he is with you and whether he meets them or not, is wrong and is a very nasty thing for him to do to you.

I think you have more than enough evidence by the sheer fact that he was chatting to another wioman (it was you) but he didn't know this. How many other women is he doing this to? - you are with someone who doesn't know what he wants and he clearly doesn't want to be with you if he is doing any of this stuff.

Being in denial about it is not going to help you either you need to admit to yourself that he is doing this and has intentions of hurting you and/or leaving you. If you stay, you will discover things about him that will eventually make you leave him anyway because no woman is going to tolerate a man who does this for long and he isn't going to stop just because you confront him about it.

He has got some problems and he is running away from them and looking to meet and talk to women to help him deal with what is really going on inside of him. He sounds like he is in a bit of a mess or is unhappy being with you. Talk to him about what he wants you to do because unless he deals with this, he will use and abuse your trust for sometime to come and you will accept the way he is because you feel you don't deserve anything better in a man.

Talk to him about it and confont him if this is going to help you, but he will deny it all and he will emotionally manipulate you to stay and promise you that he won't do it again - he will as this is a root-problem with underlying causes and he needs to come clean about why he is doing this if you are going to be together any longer than a week.

Answer 5

I would not say it was cheating, but even the attempt at cheating is wrong. An interesting idea would be to collect as much evidence as possible then when you have enough, confront him with it.

Answer 6

Totaly dump him for that! you have enough evidence! You did the best thing by pretending to be another women though. Id IM him the truth and say that if its love that he is looking for he can find it some other place because your arent going to ne his fool any longer! stand up for yourself and you'll feel better!

Answer 7

Oooooo this is good. I had a similar situation with my husband. Keep playin it but break it off with his sorry azz! Yes it is cheating and he is saying he is single! By all means dump him. I mean how would he feel if it were you!!!?? He wouldn't hesistate to leave you! How did you end it with one another? Did you agree to see other people upon his departure? If so just start looking yourself because obviously he has moved on!!

Answer 8

It's not necassarily cheating, but it's a clear sign that he is not serious about your relationship. I would suggest dumping him. There are plenty of fish in the sea and if he's chatting with girls online, telling them he's single, he'll probably be cheating soon.

Answer 9

He is immature and is a user. Insist on a guy that will treat you right. And tell him to stop calling you, cause it's just his feelings and they aren't leading to any actions. Drop him to the curb, even though it hurts.

Answer 10

It is the beginnning of cheating...He is dishonest and not being truthful with you..Is this the type of man you want...He treats you with disrespect, the very thing woman have been trying to change since the begining of time.