my husband and I have been arguing for the past week.....but the thing is its about trust..before me and my husband got married he had cheated on me for the past 2 and a half years. and now he has change alot. but the thing is he is disrespecting me and dont think that he is hurting me...for example complimenting girls on his myspace. or writing them constently...what should I do or am I overreacting??
2006-11-18 12:58:51 · 13 answers · asked by Cat 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It seems to me that you are better at asking questions, rather than answering them. The honest answer always comes from the asker. 1st, if it were you how would you feel? I am not asking why would you be doing what you husband is doing. I mean if your husband has invaded your privacy. 2nd, do you consider this cheating? My definition of cheating with my wife, is intercourse. Unless penetration has occurred I am okay. Everyone flirts, but not for sexual gratification, its a self esteem thing, if it is reciprocated. I can honestly say that an invasion of privacy is an esteem thing, too. But it is usually a negative one. I think that you should let your husband flirt, maybe it will help his esteem. I also believe that if you want to keep your marriage, then act as if you are his wife and not his mother. I would divorce my mother, I thought that sort of happened when I got married.
2006-11-18 13:20:13 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you are suspicious that he is cheating, then the relationship just won't work. It doesn't matter if he is really cheating or not. What matters is that you trust him to not cheat. From what I gather, you are more inclined to believe that he is cheating and less inclined to believe that he isn't. That's your first problem--you don't trust him to do the right thing.
The disrespect he is displaying towards you shows that he doesn't care about you or the relationship. A marriage requires both parties to work at it, not just one. It's a balancing act, and without both of you participating, you will lose your balance and the marriage will fall apart. You cannot make him care or even love you. This is something that only he has control over, much like you caring for and loving him. So there's no respect or even care from your spouse.
The last thing is naivety on your part. People do not change, and you cannot "mold" someone to fit you. You may meet someone who has a personality that naturally fits with yours or you don't. If they're mindset disagrees with yours then you move on to the next person, until you find someone that sees things in a very similar way as you. You chose someone who is too different from your way of thinking, and you thought you could change them.
These are the major things that will destroy a marriage: distrust, disrespect, and incompatibility. You can try counseling if you like, but eventually it will boil down to these main points. Sooner or later you will find that your marriage is failing because of the poor foundation it is based on. It is very hard to work on a foundation when the rest of the relationship is based upon it.
I wish you best of luck. Perhaps one day you will realize that there is someone who is "perfect" for you, and that you do deserve better and shouldn't "settle" for less.
2006-11-18 21:25:06 · answer #2 · answered by Jenn 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No you are NOT over reacting at all!!! Girl he is a wreck and he is making you a wreck!!! Please do yourself a favor a do not put up with his antics!!! I mean really Myspace??? Come on! No married person should have a myspace account to begin with! It is cheap pick up!!! And shame on you for marrying someone who cheated on you! Maybe he has changed and only you can know that but searching the internet is a step in the wrong direction. You should nicely ask him to delete the account and that it hurts your feelings when he is on there. If he replies with a no....well then he doesn't think much of your nor your feelings...I know it would be hard but leave his sorry azz!!
2006-11-18 21:29:35 · answer #3 · answered by One Of The Girls 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
kitty: You are married to a chronic cheater ! You made the initial mistake of not believing your feed back when it was telling you to run from this guy - now you are paying the consequences in the marriage! Disrespect goes hand in hand with him not having love for you. He IS still cheating on you by going shopping on web-sites and writing other females. Take the hint and plan on making the move out of his life. He is cheating on you all right but you haven't caught him red-handed YET ! Your husband is a womanizer and hurts them, not caring if he does or not. Your husband, in all reality, has NOT changed but is a little more deceptive in disguising his moves. Send him packing before he leaves you. He wants the security of having you for now, just in case he can't fish-in a steady woman.
2006-11-18 21:20:29 · answer #4 · answered by guraqt2me 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are in a horrible situation that will take a lot to change. Needless to say you made a mistake by going with this dude after he cheated on you. What were you thinking!?!
Anyway, you have two choices:
1. You can live with it because other than this, your life is okay and divorce will alter your lifestyle more than you want. Or;
2. You can ask him to quit, seek counseling if he'll go and if it doesn't work, find a good lawyer and file for divorce. Divorce is rough, but I don't think its as rough as living with an unfaithful partner.
TX Guy
2006-11-18 21:38:54 · answer #5 · answered by txguy8800 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your mistake was in marrying a man that you did not trust in the first place.
Once trust is destroyed in a relationship it is almost impossible to get back.
And once a cheater.....99 percent of the time............always a cheater. Unless you get counseling and/or help usually.
If your husband knows that him talking to these women on myspace is upsetting you and is suppose to be trying to regain your trust..........he isn't trying very hard.
I'm sorry to say but it sounds like you have made a very bad decision in your life by marrying this guy.
2006-11-18 21:08:30 · answer #6 · answered by ETxYellowRose 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WHY IN THE WORLD DID YOU MARRY A MAN WHO HAD BEEN CHEATING ON YOU FOR 21/2 YEARS????
His behavior indicates that his heart hasn't really changed. He's still cheating on you. He still considers himself available, and is fishing on the internet for other women.
Admit you've made a mistake and dump the bum.
His disrespect of you is second only to your own disrespect for yourself.Get out now!
2006-11-18 21:05:22 · answer #7 · answered by theophilusgds 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Are you saying that he cheated before you were married and you married him anyway? Then I would say that you brought it on yourself. Cheating is cheating is cheating. Be it physically, or emotionally. You can't expect him to all of a sudden change what you've accepted from him for all of this time. It maybe a case of you admitting that yo made a mistake from the beginning and severing ties.
2006-11-19 13:28:55 · answer #8 · answered by You know who i am 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all If he really loves you then he wouldnt be looking at other girls. He sounds like he could be a problem. What i would do is fix my self up so your the knock out then when he starts showing you
attention then totally blow him off. make him feel like the pig he is. be strong. men like this just piss me off. I wish i could put them all in a small room and get me an m16 and blow all there peckers off.
2006-11-18 21:05:36 · answer #9 · answered by valerie s 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If you don't want a divorce you need to tell him that he needs to stop, and you guys are married so he is making life hard for you. You can tell him it hurts you when he does that and he can't do that any more.
2006-11-18 21:14:33 · answer #10 · answered by Sid 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋